Category: Presence of God

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Dimly and Darkly

Lord, when I started this blog, actually before that, when I was thinking about starting this blog, as we, You and I, talked on paper in my morning journaling time about this, I said, I need a title. And then days later this verse came to mind, about seeing through a glass, dimly. Or darkly–depending on the translation. Well, that is how I have been feeling lately, seeing through a glass dimly. Or darkly–depending on how I translate my experience and my feelings through the glass of, what? The glass, the mirror, of what I know to be true about You? The glass of the current state of the world? What nature tells me, every time I go outside? I really need to think about my mirrors, Lord, how true they are. And what I am mirroring myself, back out into the world. Here is what I know for sure–no matter what reels and rocks in my private world, or in the larger world, You are Good. All the Time. So thank You for that. So all of this begs the question: sometimes I feel as if I see more clearly, or hear more clearly, than other times. What changes? And how can I, how can anyone, shift back? Because lately it, meaning our connection or my perception of it, at least, has seemed dimmer. And I miss it.

I miss you, too.

What?

I miss you, too. I miss your spark and your spunk and your, as you call it, stubborn optimism.

What rattled me, Lord? What set me off?

Grief, mostly. One of those rouge waves, as you like to call them.

But this seemed different somehow. Not exactly depression but…but more of a doggie-downer attitude on my part. More, well, pessimistic! Hence the dimly and darkly part of the metaphor.

What do you love best about the dark? About nighttime?

Gosh, there are so many things! I love the quiet. I love night noises, the little bugs and frogs and nature sounds. I love the stars. I love the moon, in all its phases. I love a night breeze and the sound it makes through the trees. I can’t see it but I can hear it and I can feel it. I love the promise of real rest that we associate with night. I love…fireflies! I actually SAW some, first time in years, right here in Colington! About a month ago, right at dusk. That was awesome. 

And what do you love best about fog, about seeing dimly?

Gosh, again, so many things! I love the hush. I love the muted effect, on both sight and sound. I love what I read recently that another photographer expressed, about how fog actually brings clarity because it brings what is closest to you in sharper focus by eliminating distractions in the background. I love that too, how it isolates and simplifies the landscape, how it distills the myriad of choices, look here, notice over there, into just a few, or sometimes into just one. I find it serene and ethereal and both relaxing and empowering. I just love it. 

So you have just spent a few joyous minutes outlining some of your loves of both darkly and dimly. Notice how neither of your descriptions mentioned anything to be afraid of. You didn’t say you were afraid of the dark, or worried you would get lost in the fog. You saw only the beauty, the good gifts, in both.

Yes, that’s true.

But when you started writing, you were thinking of dimly and darkly in negative ways, implying that they obscured rather than revealed, that they hid Me rather than revealed another aspect of My nature. What if you applied your descriptions about dark and fog to how you have been thinking and feeling lately? What if you said, gee God, I am sensing fog, I am sensing mist, I am sensing the hour just after sunset or just before dawn. What is it You would reveal to me through these special, and yes, even sacred, moments?

Gosh, God, I NEVER thought of that. Not once. I never thought of applying my feelings of joy and even anticipation that I have in those scenic conditions to my being in Your Presence, to my relationship with You. You mean…

I mean, when you think you may be in the dark, or confused, or lost, or unsure where your path is, what if instead you began to notice what is right in front of you? What if you just looked for the next step, one step? What if you began to tune in, in a deeper way, to the Quiet within what seems like Silence, and found there My voice singing to you in new ways? What if the Music of the Spheres was opened to you in what you first thought was darkness and silence? What if you began to experience the radiance of a brilliant moonrise, or the star-studded Milky Way, or even those darting flying pinpoints of light you call fireflies, as new, radiantly brilliant revelations of I Am With you Always. Do you notice the moon more in a cloudless dark sky or in the middle of the afternoon? You notice it more at fullness, in a dark sky, of course. Much of what you experience really depends on your attitude and perception.

Come and play. Let this season you are thinking of as “dim” and “dark” reveal nuances of sight and sound of My Presence in ways you never experienced before. Let’s look for new expressions while we are exploring! Let’s make this an adventure worth sharing. Every so often I have to ask you this question, so let Me ask you again: do you think I have run out of ways to surprise you? To delight you? To woo you? To draw you closer, once again, to Me? Do you think you have fully explored all that I, the Great God, Am? And all that I Am able to do and be with, and for, and through, you? If yes, then your vision is indeed dim and dark, and you need gentle enlightenment. If no, then you are already beginning to see more in the dark than you think. For just as your earthly eyes adjust in the night so that you can perceive more and more light, more and more detail, more and more stars, so will the perception of your spirit adjust. I Am not trying to hide from you! Just the opposite! I Am trying to reveal more of Myself to you, and in a different way, so that everywhere, and any-when, and in whatever circumstance you ever find yourself, you will know, first, by experience, I Am There.

 

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Retreat

So, Lord, I have just spent the equivalent of two days—an evening, a day, a long morning—in a mini retreat, with eight other folks similarly engaged. There was such good material, most of which bubbled up inside each one of us as we individually and collectively responded to each other’s insights, questions, griefs, fears, longings. We were in “it”—this business of a daily life, spiritually centered—together, and in a way we don’t, or I should say, I don’t, despite my longing, often practice in the daily all by myself.

So my question, or one of my questions, is this: given a sense of calling, given experiences that feel to me like being invited into a deeper sense of Your Presence, why would I, why would anyone turn away from that invitation? Here is a follow-on question: despite what might be my fears around that invitation (what will others think? How will those I love react?), how can I live more fully aware and engaged? Our director said, over and over, Just Breathe. How do you feel right now in your body?

God, I think I know why I keep being drawn to bicycles. It’s the balancing act motif. Live connected to You, live connected to others—but not in a way that diminishes either Your Voice or my own—and live connected to myself. That is the challenge, to keep present, God, with all that is, and still hold to, or allow myself to be held by, and in, Your Love. That’s it, isn’t it! It feels like an aha. To allow myself to simultaneously be present to what is happening around me and at the same instant, to allow myself to be held by and in Your Love. Bingo. And I don’t. I mean, I do, but then I slip. I fall. I tumble into trying to fix everything around me (as if I even could, or as if it would be wise if I could), or I stumble over what is happening around me because I have closed my eyes and ears if it seems too painful or hard to bear, and neither one of those is the Third Way, of being present in a way that still allows Your Love to flow and center me in that Love.

All this is really heady, heavy stuff. But I love it. I love taking time to acknowledge it, and talk about it, and practice Your Presence, and write about it, and go out with my camera in hand, into a world I view as one You made initially, and look for evidence that You are still present here.

You said a lot this weekend, and some of it was beyond words. But is there anything You would say now, that I can share here?

Why don’t you write about what you saw and experienced when you went outside at sunset by yourself.

Ok, well, I think I saw the Green Flash. I had seen an afterflash of white light, once, just after the sun went down, and that was a couple years ago. But last evening as the sun disappeared, and there was a thin haze layer right at the horizon so the last glimpse was ever so slightly above it,I clearly experienced a shift of color in my perception from yellow to green and then gone. It doesn’t exactly show on the photograph; it looks more yellow, but if I desaturate all the yellow there is still a tonality present in the flash than in the streaks of color in the clouds above. And then, when I sensed it was time to go, and I got in my car, there were three deer that came out of the trees on the other side of the road and walked out into the marsh. One of those was a buck in velvet, with just-growing antler. Whether they would have come if I had stayed, I doubt. But it was a special treat to see them.

And what did you ask for at the beginning of your retreat?

Well, I asked for an experience of You. Not just words. Something beyond words, something sensory. I asked for clarity. I asked for Vision, as in Vision Quest. I wanted insight.

How do you feel right now?

Very calm. Relaxed. As if I could take a nap! Really, I feel drained in the best possible sense.

So why don’t you?

Why don’t I what?

Why don’t you nap? I cleared your calendar for the weekend, and that included today. That includes this afternoon. Do you remember the scripture, He gives to His Beloved even in sleep? Well, that goes for you too. All the while you were there to receive for yourself, you were also holding sacred space for those around you. You deliberately set about to do that work, to be a silent assisting partner. Now it is time for Eve to rest, and simply, merely, only receive. Not receive AND give. Just receive. You rarely do that fully awake, but in this semi-drowsy state, I can impart much to you—much healing, much insight, much strength. Everything you need, I can impart. Are you willing to lay down your need to appear strong and just receive? If you can answer yes, then go take a nap. And trust that everything in your world will be okay, while you rest and receive.

 

 

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First Thoughts

Lord, Julia Cameron counsels coming to the page first thing, with first thoughts. Unfiltered, uncensored and not yet influenced by day’s events, first thoughts reveal so much that might otherwise go unsaid. I know their importance, yet I don’t always get here first thing. Sometimes this seems like the last thing! Sometimes it’s intermittent, these conversations, all during the day. 

And what do you find, in those intermittent moments?

That You are always, always here. Always present. I was going to say always waiting, but that is not exactly it–is it?

How many times have you had the experience of reconnecting with an old friend or getting in touch with a close friend you’ve not been able to see for a while, and you pick up right where you left off, as if no time had passed?

That happens a lot, actually.

You see, since I Am Timeless, there is really no “waiting” in your sense of the word. I Am always present to you and with you. All you lack is awareness. I Am Now, all the time and for all time and beyond time. So you are not keeping Me waiting. You are, however, sometimes keeping your own heart waiting. Why do you do that?

I don’t know, God! Why do I do that? It’s not that I don’t think time spent with You is important. And I am not taking Your Presence for granted, I hope–or am I?

Taking for granted can mean two different things. One devalues a relationship while the other realizes how precious a gift that relationship is. Which do you think you do?

Honestly, I do think I consider our relationship a precious gift, something You have granted, and also something I can always count on. When I stop to think, I know in my heart and mind You are always there. I mean, always here. 

And how does that assurance make you feel?

Safe. I type that and I pause. So my life has had its share of scary moments, God, truthfully. And I think of the old joke, no one gets out alive. But walking with You, that makes all the difference. It does. Maybe being an only child has made me more sensitive or more aware of how precious our connection is, especially with my folks gone. I know no matter what, You are with me. Your presence has gotten me through lots of challenges, and I guess I just count on the fact of it now, that You will continue to be right here.

As I said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Not even when hard things happen?

Especially not then. Not ever. But especially not then.

You know, when I think of first thoughts in that context, I don’t even think “thoughts.” I think more “feelings” and the feeling is the same as a great big hug. All the feelings that I associate with giving or receiving a hug with someone I love–presence, comfort, gladness, laughter, relief–that is what I think of when I think of being with You. So I guess the overarching thought, first and last, is Love. Love and Gratitude. Thank You, God.

You know Pete loves you, and you know you love him, as a reality that is as much a part of your being as your breath is. Love Me the same way. Count on My Love in the same way. You don’t always have to talk, and you don’t always have to hear Me in words. But you can always have the experience you just described, of awareness of My Presence with you deep in your heart, not just at any given moment, but at all moments. Then there really is no need for First Thoughts, per se, for all your thoughts will be colored and shaped by your being always with Me. That is how transformation occurs, first moment by moment and then in flashes of insight that illuminate all moments thereafter.

Wow, God, I can sort of see this possibility, of complete and continuing awareness. That WOULD be transformative. I am sitting very still, watching the wind outside my window lift and dip the tree branches. I see through a glass…like the scripture quote that gave this blog its title. If I were to step beyond the glass, I would feel the wind. Right now looking out the window I “know” the wind is blowing but I cannot feel it or experience it myself. I know it as fact, but…but…I am struggling to understand and express in words. But I am not living in the wind. I am insulated from its effects. I don’t want to be insulated from Your Love and Your Presence. I don’t want to just know it. I do want to live it. Live in it. Live aware. Live Alive. Again, God, thank You. 

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Come Apart

Thank You, God, for the sunshine today. Initially I heard a forecast for another in a series of gloomy days, and my heart lurched for our visitors. They work so hard, they wait so long, they have this tiny window of “beach,” of “vacation” and I just want their time to be special for them. And for that, we need at least some sunshine. So I asked You for it, for them. That meant slower sales today, which in turn meant we got other tasks done in the shops, and I came home after day shift in that state of glad-tired that accompanies accomplishment. 

Now I am looking ahead at a genuine day off tomorrow, and already I am filling it in my mind. Yes, I have need-to-do’s. But my friend Judy is playing music at the art show being held in Nags Head, and I want to go. I want to put on shorts, maybe a tee-shirt, and wander the booths and listen to the music. Maybe go to the beach in the guise of a visitor myself! 

Lord, I am going to know folks at that show. Not just Judy, I mean other folks. So even though I am out of the shop, I will still be in a public place and living a public life. When You say, Come Apart, is there a “where” involved? Is there a place where I can go and be with You, less interrupted? Is that even possible?

You want to be anonymous for just a little bit. You have a bright heart-light and it shines wherever you go. Let Me lead you tomorrow to places where, although your love and kindness will be evident, you are not necessarily recognized, so you don’t have to engage in long conversation. The goal tomorrow is for you to listen to yourself. Think about Julia Cameron’s Artist Date advice: the idea is not to discern what others prefer, like, choose, or are drawn to. The idea is to tease these choices, these preferences out for yourself. Take your own advice and notice what you notice. Then, again, notice not what you think but what you feel. Then come back here and report in. Remember, I will be with you the whole time. But reporting in will help cement in your memory all you experience and all you feel.

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Live Wire

This is my prayer today, Lord–a blanket of blessing. Our atmosphere reaches, surrounds, rounds the world. Sunlight, too. Let Your Presence be as Light, as Air, everywhere. Now the branches of the trees are moving, like Spirit moving, the message of Wind. Lord, there are years I was out on a limb, getting in trouble and needing rescue, by helping, by care-taking, by enabling. Today I am just blessing. Lord, help me hold tight to Your hand. Help me to shine steady. So, here I am. This is one of those times I just want–need–to listen.

Right now what you are listening to is memory, is your remembrance of Who I Am. I AM indeed Powerful–and patient. Playful–and serious, profound. Gentle–and Ginormous. Nothing too tiny, nothing and no one too huge for My touch of transformation. All My resources are yours, are available to You.I want you to move into a new way of thinking. You have thought of Me like electricity, and thought of yourself like an instrument–a radio or a blender or an iron, and thought of others as distinct and separate instruments, each one with a designated pre-determined function.

Yes, like the verse says, I have given some as prophets, some as teachers…

I want you to think of yourself more like the wire that carries the electricity, but that can be attached by the Master Electrician to any appliance, any outlet, as needed. You are not stuck in any one ministry, any more than you are stuck in any creative expression. Prose AND poetry AND song AND photography. Prophecy AND healing AND discernment AND gifts of giving. Go with God takes on this meaning: Go in God. You are wire, wired. You are Live. You are connected to the source. You are also grounded–the grounding is grace, is mercy, is your growing understand of Who I Am, that I do not intend for you to be attached to a bomb, but to anything that blesses, that builds–whether that is building esteem with a word or building community.

No one–except the Electrician–really thinks about the wiring, unless it is shorted out, or frayed, or cut. Everyone focuses on the device. Devices are useless without electricity and they need wires. Be the Wire. Be available to “plug in” whenever I lead you. It is My job to take care of the wire–to refresh you, to make sure you are carrying full voltage. I Am doing that now. You’ve had a voltage drop, like a brown-out in a storm. I am re-igniting the Grid for you. That might mean bypassing certain sections. Not every need is yours to address. Wires are color coded for a purpose. You are yellow for joy. You are green, for gentle growing. Let Me energize you and let Me be the Master Electrician. You don’t have to figure it out. Just receive, and flow, and let the Spirit move very naturally in you.

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Easter Vigil Blue Moon

Lord, thank You so much for today. An over-the-top day, in what is really, spiritually speaking, an over-the-top season, an over-the-top weekend. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head, things I need to be sure I don’t forget, things I need to tell staff, things I need to arrange, things I need to do. Last month when we were in Philly, I said then, that my need-to’s fill my thoughts, but You fill my heart. That is so true. And You said to me then, I Am as close as your breath.

Hope and faith are like a bridge. Sometimes that bridge crosses turbulent water; you have had your share of that. But bridges are not a place to stop and camp, certainly not a place to build a permanent residence.

I don’t understand. Isn’t faith and hope where we are supposed to be living?

Remember how Scripture says, Hope that is seen is not hope, for who hopes for what he sees? I want you to live in Sight. I want you to live in Hearing. I want you to live in Assurance. I want you to live by Experience. I want you to Know My Presence. I want you to understand beyond knowledge, and to Love beyond understanding. I want you to cross the bridge, use the bridge for what it is designed for–to lead you into My Presence, not at the end of your life’s journey, but NOW. I want you to come into a fuller experience of My Presence with you, NOW. I want the now of your days to expand into moment after moment after moment after moment.

Tonight, when the moon rose, what happened?

Well, I couldn’t see it at all on the horizon. It looked clear but there must have been clouds or haze on the horizon. It finally peeked through briefly after about 10 or 15 minutes and then went behind the haze again. Then after another few minutes it rose above that layer, clear. Perfectly clear and full, the second blue moon of the year.

So here is My second promise to you for the year: Just as the full moon appeared after what seemed a brief interlude of waiting, of having faith, of hoping in its appearance, so all you have worked for and hoped for and had faith for shall appear in your reality, bright and round and full like the moon tonight. I have seen your efforts and your labor, and I declare to you, they are not in vain. And more–they are not vanity on your part, either. This life you are living is My Gift to you, and through you, to the larger world. The second full moon of March, appearing right at the end of the season of Lent, right on the cusp of Easter and your own commitment-day, signals an important shift for you. Did the moon struggle to rise, or did it merely move in its circuit, as it was created to do? Did the clouds really have power over the moon, or was the moon’s reflected sunlight brighter than the clouds? And did the intensity of that reflected light not color the waves below? So shall your own life in Me be. Prepare for a full, rounded, reflected, bright-shining life. You watched the waves dance upward in their meeting with the pier pilings. Life shall be less a struggle and more a dance for you. The more you play, the more you sing, the more you breathe, the more life will dance for you. The more creation will sing to you, the more the plants themselves will breathe for you, the more at home you will feel in the Garden, remade and replanted, right where you live.

Tonight is Moonrise. Tonight also, at midnight, just minutes from now, many in the church will celebrate SonRise. Others will celebrate at dawn. Celebrate every day, every morning, every evening. Cross the bridge. Live as if My Kingdom IS come–in you and for you and through you. Extend My Kingdom by your love and your gentleness and your generosity, to everyone you encounter. Rise Up in My Rising, with a new assurance of My blessing and My Presence with you.

Prepare for a larger life. You think, I am bursting at the seams already! How can I hold more? There will be more crops for you to reap and more to sow, more to plant and more to share, more to sell and more to give away. That is the message of this full blue moon for you: More. And don’t forget, we have a play-date tomorrow!

I haven’t forgotten, God. I am actually really excited about it!

Me, too. Now sleep well. Tomorrow is a Big Day. You’ll see!

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Essence and Experience

Lord, yesterday we talked about light, Your Presence like light, like I am aware of light. But the light changes–I mean, sometimes it is a subtle glow as with fog, and sometimes it blazes; sometimes it is bluer and sometimes it is warmer and golden. But You–You don’t change, You are always the same.

The Nature, the Essence, of Light is not changing. But your perception and experience of that light is different depending on circumstances like atmospheric conditions, or your own angle of view relative to the source. So it is with Me. There are times your circumstances cry out for a Healer, for Jehovah-Rapha. There are seasons when you need Me more as Jehovah-Jireh, your Provider. And what about those times you need wisdom, or discernment, or guidance? Those aren’t simply things I give you, these are integral to Who I Am, to My Very Being. That is why they are among My Names, each one of which reveals a facet of My Nature as the Great I Am. Remember your old song, He I Am; all you need, I Am? Try singing that today, really soaking in the words. It will strengthen and encourage you.

Ok, Lord, thank You. I can recall the chorus but not the verses. I will have to go hunt that up. Thank You.

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Living in the Light

The other day You asked, do I think we are as close as we can be? I guess my answer is a combination of the possible answers–a question back to You, there is more? We can be closer? I can sense Your Ever-Presence more? Or, I can be more aware of You all throughout the day–like I am very aware of the light, glancing out the windows. I could, I know be more deliberately dialed-in. So I have been talking. Now I want to listen. Lord?

You have grown much. Now you are like a faucet, aware at moments that you are connected to Water, and you turn the knob and let My life within you flow. Then you get busy–or distracted–or irritated–or frustrated–or afraid–and without realizing it, you turn the faucet off, or down to a drip or a trickle. You do well to conserve water, but when it comes to My Presence, I want you to begin to think of your life more like a stream, not confined indoors. Ah, that surprised you!

You fill up vessels at a sink, give away cups of water to the thirsty. Imagine if you knew and lived from a stream mindset and invited folks to join you there, where you live in Me. Even if they are there only for a Moment. Here is Birdsong. Here is Deer and here is Fox. Here is your cabin, your retreat house. And here is a view of the Western Ocean. Everything you love and need to thrive is here. These are all metaphors of your life in Me–now try to overlay that template onto your daily tasks, your routine.

Lord, I look around the house, and it is a wreck. And taxes! I need to do taxes!! Please, please, please, can You, will You, help me?

Little One, don’t fret. Don’t panic. This Stream holds no danger. Think about that for a moment. No Fear Here. Not for your health, not for your finances, not for your relationships. Try living one day–this day–Streamside. See what happens. Then come back and report in here.

Ok, Lord, well, now it is evening and…I don’t think I did that today. I mean, I did not have a bad day. I got a lot done, which is equal to a good day, these days. Not everything of course, but a lot. But I wasn’t actively, consciously aware of You all day today, either. So there is more for me to learn, obviously. That was the whole point of Your instruction, wasn’t it?

This wasn’t a test; remember, I know everything about you. But this was a good way to teach you by experience the answer to the question I asked you, and you then asked Me: can I be closer? So what do you think is your answer now?

Yes, obviously yes. But I honestly don’t know how or where to start.

You don’t have to teach a baby to breathe, or to swallow. Those two things are inborn. Unfortunately, the awareness of My Presence used to be as integral to humans as your physical breath.

But I don’t think about breathing; I just breathe. Aren’t I supposed to be thinking about You every minute? Isn’t that what this means?

Go back to your analogy of the light. How do you know what the light is doing?

I look. I look up and out. I can sometimes feel the change, sometimes a minute or two before it happens, even. It’s a sense, I guess.

And do you go through your day chanting Light Light Light, must remember Light Light Light?

Ha, Lord, no, of course not!

So, you see, thinking is not the answer. Awareness is. Feeling is. Knowing is.

I don’t think I understand.

Ah, yes, at last! You don’t–and you won’t. But you will Know, and you will Feel. And that is what living more consciously in My Presence will be like–it will be exactly like how you live in and with light itself.

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The Heart of Lent

Lord, the other day someone I love told me, I am giving up guilt for Lent. I thought that was brilliant! I’ve had pastors in past years speak about releasing, letting go of habits or patterns of life that are not in line with Your love or our best values. And I have heard others talk about sacrifice and giving up something we love to undergo a fast in order to somehow make ourselves more attuned to You. And I have heard still others say, no, Lent is not for doing without, Lent is for adding to — adding in habits or patterns that actually help a person draw closer to You or be more loving in their earthly relationships. Lent is really an invention of humans, meant to prepare us for Easter. What would You say about Lent, about all these different ideas about how to mark it?

The different ideas really reflect different human personalities.

Well, how should we mark it then?

The important thing is not how you mark Lent, nor even how you celebrate Easter. The important thing is, in light of Christmas, in light of Easter, how do you live? How do you live the other 360-some days? How do you live the 360 degrees of your life’s round circuit of the year, when you are not celebrating these signature “holy days” like Christmas, Easter, Pentecost, and your national holidays of Thanksgiving and New Year’s? What about all the other days? Too many ramp up what they think of as holiness during Lent, or during Advent, only to return to what they think of as secular lives during the other weeks of the year. What I would prefer is that you think of all your days as secular AND sacred. Both/And. No day is so secular that I Am not present. No day is more sacred than another. Every day, every hour, is present to Me and you are present to Me and I to you, at every moment. It is that presence that makes every second sacred. And I call you to live a sacred, consecrated life, in the middle of a very human existence, in community, with family, with friends, at work, at play, in business. What I mean by a consecrated life is a life in which you fully show up to be present while simultaneously aware of your connection to My Presence. One foot on the soil and one hand in heaven, so to speak. And your heart connected to both. So to answer your question about Lent, what I would say is, do you feel you are the most connected to Me you can possibly be, or is there room for a closer, deeper relationship? If you answer the question, there is no way I can be closer than I am living now, one of two things is true: you are very close to your Homegoing, or there is more for you to understand and grow into. And if you answer, I know I can be closer, but I don’t know how, then Lent has served its purpose. For I Am here to draw you and reach to you and teach you how to live a human life with a heavenly heart, with a heart connected to heaven and earth.

You saw the heart reflected tonight on the water, and you wondered, how can this phenomenon be happening? And I told you then, this is a reflection of your heart. And inside, you doubted. You doubted not Me but yourself. You doubted you were hearing My voice.

And then what happened? Your friend sent you a timely message written by Richard Rohr about divine radiance, about our human hearts being attuned to that radiant Presence, and how you need to keep your lens clean and your heart pure in order to see God. And where were you as she was preparing to send you that message? Out in the world, walking at sunset, camera in hand, very attuned to nature, beaming your own love of the land and the birds out from your heart. And what did you receive in return? A radiant heart shining and shimmering on the water. This is your calling, in Lent, in Advent, in all the other “ordinary times” — see with the eyes of your heart. See as God sees. And remember that the lens God chooses to see through magnifies good, and diminishes evil by applying mercy and grace and forgiveness and a seventy-times-seven second chance. So by all means, keep walking. Keep seeing. Keep sharing. And keep loving.

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Disconnected

Whew! I just tried to open this page and got the “not connected to internet” message–several times. Tried Pete’s computer which was fine, came back in, jiggled some wires, and here I am.

And what message did you get from that?

Honestly, God, the very first thing I thought of was how hectic my day was, and how I didn’t take time to connect deliberately with You in the morning. I am doing it now, at the end of my day instead of at the beginning.

You felt disconnected?

I did. All day long I was scattered. I’d woken with a migraine which went away a couple hours after I took my imitrex, and thank You and thank them again, whoever was involved in its formulation, but that put me behind schedule. 

But were you really disconnected? Is your internet service truly out, or did it just require a little effort, the tiniest focus and intent, on your part?

That’s all. It was weird.

Not weird. Wired. You just needed a gentle reminder that, despite your feeling disconnected, you are never truly disconnected from Me because I Am never disconnected from you. You might have to–as you say–jiggle your wires a minute, set your receptors and your attention on hearing from Me, and then what happens? Here I Am. Right where I was all day, patiently waiting for you to be ready, to reach out.

God, this connection we have, it is amazing. And I am so afraid that it is like my internet service is sometimes, temperamental, fragile, easily broken. Can I just say it? I am afraid I am going to wake up some morning and it will just be gone. You will just be silent. Or I will just be deaf.

I know. I know all your fears and where they originate. That is why I tell you over and over, in so many different ways, don’t be afraid; you are not alone; I will never leave you. The only reason it seemed to take years to hear directly from Me is that for years, you did not believe you could. You did not believe I would speak to you, “little you.” You tended to belittle yourself instead of seeing how great My Love is, how I long to reach out and connect to every single one of My Children, no matter whether they think of themselves as great, or small and insignificant. There is no one immune from My Love or My Presence. No one is so great that I Am not needed–although that need may not be recognized. And although many, many think themselves too small for My attention, no one is small or insignificant in My reckoning.

God, sometimes I try to quantify your love, and I just can’t. I can’t make it big enough or long enough or wide enough.

Do you remember when you first learned of infinity in math class? How you could keep adding a number at the end of a string of numbers and go on forever? Well, that is one metaphor for My Being. And since My Being is Love, there is no end, no finishing point, to My Love. There is no place and no time where anyone can move past My Love. There is no boundary beyond which My Love does not exist. I, and My Love, are Infinite. Most of your human conversations are about boundaries of some sort, boundaries of geography, of distance, of time; limitations of strength or duration. Even events such as your Olympic Games, where athletes push beyond previous boundaries and set new records, are based on the idea that each new boundary will someday be broken, perhaps by milliseconds. Such precise measurement of boundaries makes the concept of Limitless and Timeless impossible to understand with a finite mind housed in a body whose very physicality imposes constant limits.

So, Lord, I have to ask. If there is no place, no time, no existence where You are not…that is what You are saying, right?

That is what I Am saying.

Then what about Hell? What about that place of “wailing and gnashing of teeth”? That place where You are not. That place of torment that people go to, depending on different criteria but in a broad stroke sense, if they don’t live in a way that provides entrance into Your Presence forever, which is what Heaven is. Are You saying Hell isn’t real? Jesus talked about Hell.

This is hard to explain given the limitations of words and your experience. At the moment of what you call death, everyone will come into My Presence. No exceptions. Now, some folks will immediately rejoice. They will be able to perceive where they are (even “where” is not an accurate word). Let’s say it this way–they will be able to perceive My Presence and literally be engulfed in the Love, the Peace, the Joy that My Presence provides. Other folks, particularly those whose lives caused harm to others, or even to themselves, will also perceive My Presence, and the Light and Truth of that Presence will create a great chasm within them of regret and remorse. They will perceive in that instance every action, every thought, every word that was in opposition to what they are experiencing around and within them. It is that regret and remorse that will cause the wailing and gnashing of teeth. Now, I want you to imagine for just a minute, in your finite way, that someone is in front of you in that kind of pain. Maybe that person even hurt you, way back when. What do you do now?

God, good grief. I am crying right now. I think, I hope, I would do anything, anything I could, to quell that pain for them. I hope I would. I can’t stand it, can’t stand the thought of it. Can’t You do something? Can’t You fix this?

You see, you have so much of My Heart in you already. I have done something, and the something I have done has the name Forgiveness. Grace. Mercy. Lovingkindness. So now imagine Me wrapping My arms around that regret, that remorse, and kissing it away. Now how do you feel?

Geez, God, now I am sobbing. 

And?

So much joy. So much giddy joy. Really? Me? This is really for me? That is what I would be feeling, if I were the one in pain. And if I were the one able to relieve that pain, wow. What an incredible feeling.

Love is the Greatest Power of all. It is Mine to give and it is Mine to withhold. Here is what so many cannot understand–I do not choose to withhold it. I could, of course I could. But then I would no longer be Good. I might be God, but I would not be Good. But as you are so fond of saying, I Am Good, all the Time. And Beyond Time.

God, you know one of my favorite verses is, the one who is forgiven much loves much.

Yes, that is why there is only Love in heaven. Even those you might consider the worst offenders, once mercy is extended to them, overflow for eternity with gratitude and love. And those who enter heaven with the most remorse initially are the strongest defenders and protectors of life on earth. To use your human terms, it is their amends.

Wow, God. That…that isn’t what I was taught. But it rings true. I have thought for a while that You had more to say on this subject…but I was afraid to ask.

You don’t have to be afraid to ask, or question. Just remember Who you are talking to, and lean into My Love.

So…there is no disconnection. In eternity.

Exactly. Now you begin to understand.

Can I ask one more question?

Of course you may.

What about faith? What about those on earth who have no faith?

A better way to phrase that is, who have no understanding. In that moment of death, they will all Understand. They will Know. They will Receive. And for eternity, they will Love and they will Give. Rest assured in that. Be at peace in that.