Lord, Julia Cameron counsels coming to the page first thing, with first thoughts. Unfiltered, uncensored and not yet influenced by day’s events, first thoughts reveal so much that might otherwise go unsaid. I know their importance, yet I don’t always get here first thing. Sometimes this seems like the last thing! Sometimes it’s intermittent, these conversations, all during the day.
And what do you find, in those intermittent moments?
That You are always, always here. Always present. I was going to say always waiting, but that is not exactly it–is it?
How many times have you had the experience of reconnecting with an old friend or getting in touch with a close friend you’ve not been able to see for a while, and you pick up right where you left off, as if no time had passed?
That happens a lot, actually.
You see, since I Am Timeless, there is really no “waiting” in your sense of the word. I Am always present to you and with you. All you lack is awareness. I Am Now, all the time and for all time and beyond time. So you are not keeping Me waiting. You are, however, sometimes keeping your own heart waiting. Why do you do that?
I don’t know, God! Why do I do that? It’s not that I don’t think time spent with You is important. And I am not taking Your Presence for granted, I hope–or am I?
Taking for granted can mean two different things. One devalues a relationship while the other realizes how precious a gift that relationship is. Which do you think you do?
Honestly, I do think I consider our relationship a precious gift, something You have granted, and also something I can always count on. When I stop to think, I know in my heart and mind You are always there. I mean, always here.
And how does that assurance make you feel?
Safe. I type that and I pause. So my life has had its share of scary moments, God, truthfully. And I think of the old joke, no one gets out alive. But walking with You, that makes all the difference. It does. Maybe being an only child has made me more sensitive or more aware of how precious our connection is, especially with my folks gone. I know no matter what, You are with me. Your presence has gotten me through lots of challenges, and I guess I just count on the fact of it now, that You will continue to be right here.
As I said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Not even when hard things happen?
Especially not then. Not ever. But especially not then.
You know, when I think of first thoughts in that context, I don’t even think “thoughts.” I think more “feelings” and the feeling is the same as a great big hug. All the feelings that I associate with giving or receiving a hug with someone I love–presence, comfort, gladness, laughter, relief–that is what I think of when I think of being with You. So I guess the overarching thought, first and last, is Love. Love and Gratitude. Thank You, God.
You know Pete loves you, and you know you love him, as a reality that is as much a part of your being as your breath is. Love Me the same way. Count on My Love in the same way. You don’t always have to talk, and you don’t always have to hear Me in words. But you can always have the experience you just described, of awareness of My Presence with you deep in your heart, not just at any given moment, but at all moments. Then there really is no need for First Thoughts, per se, for all your thoughts will be colored and shaped by your being always with Me. That is how transformation occurs, first moment by moment and then in flashes of insight that illuminate all moments thereafter.
Wow, God, I can sort of see this possibility, of complete and continuing awareness. That WOULD be transformative. I am sitting very still, watching the wind outside my window lift and dip the tree branches. I see through a glass…like the scripture quote that gave this blog its title. If I were to step beyond the glass, I would feel the wind. Right now looking out the window I “know” the wind is blowing but I cannot feel it or experience it myself. I know it as fact, but…but…I am struggling to understand and express in words. But I am not living in the wind. I am insulated from its effects. I don’t want to be insulated from Your Love and Your Presence. I don’t want to just know it. I do want to live it. Live in it. Live aware. Live Alive. Again, God, thank You.