Category: Influence

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Shine

In the shower this morning I was remembering that verse, which we used to sing, the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn; it shines brighter and brighter until the full day. I’ve lived that, as a photographer. Watching the light come. Watching it grow in intensity and reach. And I’ve lived the opposite, which is how a lot of us think about our lives, I think, especially as we age–like the light of dusk, shining dimmer and dimmer until the full dark. But that is not what You said. Like so much of what You say, it is the exact opposite of what I would think. I would think ending and dusk and dark, and here You are, saying beginning and dawn and light. Full Day. So when we do think Full Day, we think Heaven. What I want to know is, what part–or is there a part–of Full Day life, of shining brighter and brighter life, is meant for here and now?

It is all meant for here and for now. The whole idea is, brighter and brighter. The culmination is Full Day, yes–but most people miss the brighter and brighter part. So those people may still have some concept, some idea, some hope, of a hereafter Full Day, but you are correct in thinking that people expect their path to grow dimmer, not brighter, as their bodies and minds age. Imagine for a moment an opposite reality. Imagine as your physical strength begins to diminish, that your spiritual sensitivity and strength ramps up and goes into overdrive. Imagine an acute awareness, a heightened perception, of My Presence, of all that Light and Bright implies. Imagine living in More Love, More Joy, More Peace, day after day after day. Imagine your connection to My Presence with you and within you growing, not dimming. Imagine the reach of your influence as you live your life in such increasing brightness. What you share with others would change. You would, in fact, become what I called My Children to be, what I Named Myself to be–the Light of the World. So your word for today is Shine!

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Setting Sail

Lord, I can see how far You’ve brought me, and it really is all You. You are the reason I can hope, and believe, and rejoice. You are the reason I can look forward and look around with anticipatory gladness and gratitude. You are the change in me, dear God. It’s all You. So that is how I can continue to set my compass, isn’t it? To set my sails?

I Am not asking you to sail in the direction others are sailing. I Am asking you to stay on course. Everything in you wants to rescue those you love. That’s My job.

But Lord, it is stormy and windy and there are rocks and I see them sailing–so often–straight for disaster, or straight for rough seas, and I can see this haven, this calm, this beauty…

You cannot help them from inside the storm. You always think you can, that this is the way. Follow Me, sail safely with My guidance, and keep sending dispatches. Keep broadcasting your coordinates. Let them find you. As long as you keep broadcasting, you have not abandoned them. You always want to share your bounty, but you cannot tow them to safety while they are motoring in the opposite direction. Just keep broadcasting your coordinates, where the New Country is, and what the weather is here. You don’t have to leave your safe haven to go get them–any of them. the instant they truly decide, and for as long as they decide, to sail in a new direction, the storm will subside for them–each of them, all of them. You don’t have to plead with them, or try to trick them, or try to force them. Just be honest about what your life is like. “As for me and my house…” That’s your story. “This is all I know–this is how it is for me.” That’s your storyline. That’s your storyline for everything–retreats, sharing in the gallery, your blog, this journal. You are sharing your experience, a full life, lived joined with Me. Your strength, which is My Joy and My Peace and My Love together, forms your hope. That is why folks listen to you. You share your truth, and your truth is life. You broadcast your coordinates. They are seasick, storm-tossed, and not comforted, as the scripture says. Frightened. You are safe, nourished, protected, confident and living in abundance. This applies to every storm: health, physical and emotional safety, finances, your most intimate relationships. Your creative and spiritual life, and your sharing with the world. You have landed in Paradise, dear one. And I Am Here–that is what makes this Paradise for you, and a foreshadowing of the Paradise to come.

I really do mean for you to live here, to fulfill My intention, so My Dream of blessing for my children can come true. Now I Am saying Please. Please stay in the promise, and let My Will in all its manifest glory come true in you, and so through you, for others as well. But not by leaving My country. by sending dispatches, bulletins, broadcasts–everything from here.

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Exit Here

I had a good day, really, but now I am tired. So what do I do? I drink a cup of coffee. Because I need to be awake, alert and at least somewhat productive, and I’ve got four hours or so ’til bedtime. I’ll relax, kinda-sorta, watching tv for part of that time. But my brain, God, it never stops. It never really rests. So more than my body, can we talk about my mind? I told a customer once about how my brain works, how busy it is all the time, almost like a pinball machine, making connections, synthesizing this with that, and in all seriousness he asked me, so do you take medication for that? I was almost offended! NO! I said, in probably a louder voice than maybe I should have. It’s my brain, I said! Sometimes I like how it works. But sometimes I do wish it would sit! stay! Like a puppy, like training a puppy. I guess that is what mediation is partly for, training your brain to sit, stay. Right?

I made the human brain to think. There is a difference between thinking and over-thinking, between planning and worrying or fretting. Here is a question you can ask yourself–how many times have I covered this same ground, mentally? If you were walking or driving instead of thinking, would you be saying, wait a minute, I passed this same exit half an hour ago! I am back here again, I have made no forward progress! Sometimes that is a very good thing, as it signals you have more work to do to resolve something inside. But if you find yourself passing the same exit over and over and over, then it is a signal there is a deeper issue involved.

Lord, years ago my pastor said, if you find yourself over-reacting to a seemingly small or relatively harmless situation, it is a sign that it is a trigger, relating back to something deeper.

Yes, that was wisdom from him. The same can be true of your worrying. Or your over-planning. Or your second-guessing decisions. Try to get at the source of the repetitive thoughts. Are you accusing yourself, telling yourself information that isn’t correct?

Like what?

How about, you are lazy. Nothing, nothing could be further than the truth. Or what about, you are not doing enough. Again, untrue. You repeat other phrases too. Why don’t you jot some of them down here.

Here? Now?

It might help you. Get them out of your head and down on the page.

Well, I know I say I’m tired when I am actually other things beyond tired. Like upset, or scattered, or…frightened. When I feel pressure closing in and I don’t know what to do, what decision to make. So I say I am tired when I mean more than that sometimes. 

Go on.

Well…gosh, this is harder than I thought. I say, no one cares what I think. I say that a lot. I guess I have said that, a lot, for a very long time.

And now that it is in black and white, staring back at you, what is your reaction?

It’s not true. It is very far from true. Lots of folks love me, and lots of folks actually do care what I think. Some care because they care about me, my thoughts matter to them. Others care because they look to me for my opinion on things. Gosh, it really is the opposite of what I say inside.

So here is what I want to say about that. You just wrote, “what I say inside.” How do you know, why do you believe, I Am speaking with you now?

It is a little hard to explain but I feel as if I know Your voice now. I know the calm and the peace I feel when You start talking. I can come agitated, and You always, always calm me. It’d be like asking me how I know it is Pete on the phone–of course I know. I know his voice from all other voices.

Yes, this is true. So how do you know this is you, in your head, accusing you?

Oooh, that is almost scary, like someone else, not me, not You, is thinking in my head? Is that what you are trying to say? I don’t like that thought at all!

I Am not saying this in the way you are imagining. But you have, most humans have, a stronger memory than you think, especially of your formative years. You internalize many messages spoken aloud, or even with non-verbal clues. Much of your opinion of yourself comes from those early years. We have been talking much lately about play, about perfectionism, about rest. All of these trace back to your early school years with their roots. What I Am saying is, these repetitive thoughts you have, especially those that accuse your character, your stamina, your diligence, your love, your commitment, even your ability to make and keep a commitment, all of these stem from ways you were treated or words that were spoken in your earlier years. If the words came from authority, they had more impact yet. Young children tend to trust the messages they are given. The young of all species are hard-wired to learn. One important difference between animals or birds and humans is that animals and birds give their young consistent messages designed to maximize their ability to survive and thrive. Oh, would that were so with humanity! What a different world you would inhabit! Much of My trying to teach you My voice is to help you discern the difference between My voice and My words and all other voices that have ever spoken to you, including your own. Now here is a promise. Just as you learned to copy and imitate other voices and behaviors when you were very young, including words and thoughts detrimental to you now, so you have the ability to learn and imitate My Voice, My Words, and My Thoughts. Not only can you learn new facts and new skills and new information, you can learn a new way of being with yourself in this world. THAT is what will, once for all, destroy within you the power of fear, worry, anxiety, stress, drivenness, striving to be perfect, trying in fact to be anything that you are not–and all the outworkings of all of that in your life, your health, your finances, every realm you can think of. You can look to Me for an honest, realistic assessment of who you are, and who you can still yet become. You can turn down the volume on any voice that speaks out of your past, while you seek My wisdom about its truthfulness.

So the next time you catch yourself passing the same mental exit ramp, thinking no one cares what I think, or I have to try harder, why don’t you deliberately exit? Don’t go around the loop again. Get off that road. Remember what I Am telling you now. Take the exit marked, My True Self. Let’s continue to explore that road together. It is more beautiful and more wonderful than you have been led to believe.

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Bedrock

One of the AlAnon questions I need to remember is, do you fail to recognize your accomplishments? I used to make myself a celebratory cup of special tea; now I reach for coffee’s caffeine as fuel to do more, not to stop and relish what I just did. I think about it, then turn aside as if I haven’t really earned it. Says who, and by what criteria? When I say yes, but…I am engaging in dialog with the wrong conversational partner. And I never need to say yes in any context to that voice.

You are tired, yes, but actually very healthy.

Huh?

You keep choosing gratitude. You stubbornly dig to bedrock. And every time, every time, you find there your true self and My great Love. That is the conglomerate of your bedrock, your solid foundation. Not just My great love–for you know that is at the center of every heart, if only everyone would go within to find it. You know that now. But what makes this your bedrock, the key secret ingredient, is you. You, united with My great Love.

Not just My Love for you. Some stop there. Not just My Love for those like you. Some stop there. My great Love for all. That is part of the fusing. Think metaphors for fusing. Think glass–art glass. We are fused. You are changed, transformed–and so is My great Love transformed–transformed, again, into a body I can use, into a soul, into an expression, an outlet in the world. This transfigures you and in turn, your yes transfigures My Love into your day, into your time, into and through your life. Think about fusing. There is more depth, more truth here than you know yet.

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Making Waves

One of my favorite quotes of Louise Hay is, you can start your day over at any time. God, I sort of feel like that about my week, like I need a do-over. Things are actually going quite well, but I think my attitude has needed a readjustment, and I’m sorry. I think I have, actually, I know I have been letting the stress get the best of me, meaning overtake my best self. I don’t know who else has noticed, but I have noticed. And obviously You have noticed.

I have a shorthand word for do-over also, and it is Grace.

I say that sometimes, God. I said it inside a lot this week, when I was panicked, about the wiring, about the computer hookup, about staging, about placement of fixtures: I move through my day with ease and grace.

So think about what you are really saying. If you are moving through with grace, with My Grace, then what that really means is you are moving forward in My Power. My Power is not only power to do, it is primarily power to be. In your case right now, that means power to be your best self, as you do all that needs doing.

Lord, I’ve gone months, months, without picking my fingers. Right through the ER visit with what turned out to be a mini stroke with Pete. What in the world set me off this week? I really need to know. It’s a stress response I no longer want to have in my psyche. Yet for some reason, it surfaced this week. Why?

This week you were confronted with many expectations and suggestions, so many coming at you at once that you literally could not hear yourself think. And you were so bombarded with having to react in the moment, moment after moment, that you could not figure out how to make time to hear Me either. Isn’t that true?

Lord, it is true. I just want to do everything right, everything correctly. And somehow please all these different people, some of whom want, or seem to want, very different things. I get lost in all of it.

Yes, you do get lost — you lose your focus, you lose your center and that is when you lose your way. In those moments although you may seem outwardly to be in control, you are actually free-falling into a very old fear, so old you can barely remember its origins. At the bottom of that fear is the prohibition against speaking up, speaking out, verbalizing your own thought or feeling or opinion, or asking for what you truly need or want. Your personal primal stress responses are all born out of silence. But as I have told you before, I don’t want you silent. I don’t want you shouting, either. As always there is a third way. You can find safe and sacred spaces to speak. Not to be silent, not to shout, but to speak. To speak up. Up from the well that is inside you, that is full, by the way, of creative, innovative, inspired ideas. On the one hand, you think it is dry, when it is actually full to nearly overflowing. And on the other hand, you are afraid if you pry the lid off this long-capped well, what will emerge will be anger or rage, something that would hurt someone else. You have been long schooled to think your words and thoughts have little value. They are precious to Me. Hear Me: your words, your thoughts, your feelings are Precious in My sight! Not anathema. Not cursed. Not rejected. Precious. Try that thought on for size!

Lord, that thought is huge. It is like a very large coat, several sizes too big.

Not too big. Not too big for your mind and not too big for your heart. But let’s talk a moment about your stress.

Ummm. Do we have to?

No, of course we do not “have to.” But you are the one who brought it up in the first place. Don’t you want to?

I guess. Maybe. Yes. Okay. Yes.

Do you know what stress is like? It is like picking up something too heavy for you to lift and carry, and then staggering under its weight, trying to prove you are strong. I Am not asking you to prove you are strong. I Am not asking you to prove anything. I know you and I love you. All I Am asking you is to walk with Me. Walk with Me and be honest. Tell Me what you cannot lift and carry. It may just be that you are trying to tote a burden that is not yours in the first place.

Not mine?

No. Not if what you are trying to carry is to meet others’ expectations that are either irrelevant, or impossible to truly satisfy, or counter to your true values. One of your core values is abundance. Another is the importance of connecting, if only for a brief few minutes. Another is that everyone ought to have a chance to shine. Another is that you recharge by drinking in air and light, clouds and water, wide, broad land and high tall land, and eye contact with all critters. The world did not always understand Me. It will not always understand you. You can seek to be understood or you can accept that you will sometimes–and sometimes more than other times–be misunderstood, and that is actually okay, because you are walking a different pace on a different trail than those who misunderstand. No judgment against them, and no judgment against you. But you have to decide in those moments whether it is worth it to you to just keep walking. It is when you turn aside, stop walking, and try to match either their path or their pace that you stumble into stress.

But Lord…shouldn’t I care what people think? 

If you can continue to love them, and show love to them, even if they misunderstand you, then your love is really what is most important–not their understanding.

So You think that is why I felt so stressed the past few days? I was trying to be understood?

You were longing to be understood, and considering the many thoughts and opinions all around you, you were literally trying to morph yourself into being a chameleon in order to blend in, not make waves. But let Me ask you something about making waves.

What did you photograph this week?

Oh, ha, Lord! Waves!

What kind of waves?

Oh, my gosh–big waves, huge waves, sunlit waves, magnificent curls and splashes, wave spray backwards and shooting up in ethereal angelic forms and rainbow colors, multiple wave sets breaking all at once. Fabulous huge waves!

What would you rather photograph, if there was no danger, no destruction, associated with your images? A flat lake-like ocean, or the ocean you saw yesterday?

The ocean I saw yesterday, Lord. I felt so alive out there. It was cold and windy and until I came in and realized my lips and face were chapped, I hardly noticed in the moment!

So I would ask you to carefully consider your answer in terms of your own life, your own influence. If you had a choice–and you do have a choice–do you want to be a placid lake or a wild ocean?

Gosh, God, that doesn’t seem fair, asking me that question. You know how much I love peace. How much I don’t want discord.

Who said anything about discord? I am asking about energy and influence. Which would you rather be?

Hmmm. Can I be both peaceful and inspiring? Because that ocean yesterday was inspiring, God. It was. It made me think of possibilities. It woke me up somehow.

That ocean uncapped your well. And what came spilling out? Rage? Anger? All that you feared? Anxiety? Panic? Stress?

No, God, none of that. Exhilaration and gratitude and gladness and exuberance. Joy. Joy is what came out, I guess. 

So let Me ask you one more time: How do you feel about “making waves” now?

Nervous. But I hear You. I do. Can You help me?

Of course. To paraphrase what Aslan said to Lucy, I shall be helping you all the time.