One of my favorite quotes of Louise Hay is, you can start your day over at any time. God, I sort of feel like that about my week, like I need a do-over. Things are actually going quite well, but I think my attitude has needed a readjustment, and I’m sorry. I think I have, actually, I know I have been letting the stress get the best of me, meaning overtake my best self. I don’t know who else has noticed, but I have noticed. And obviously You have noticed.
I have a shorthand word for do-over also, and it is Grace.
I say that sometimes, God. I said it inside a lot this week, when I was panicked, about the wiring, about the computer hookup, about staging, about placement of fixtures: I move through my day with ease and grace.
So think about what you are really saying. If you are moving through with grace, with My Grace, then what that really means is you are moving forward in My Power. My Power is not only power to do, it is primarily power to be. In your case right now, that means power to be your best self, as you do all that needs doing.
Lord, I’ve gone months, months, without picking my fingers. Right through the ER visit with what turned out to be a mini stroke with Pete. What in the world set me off this week? I really need to know. It’s a stress response I no longer want to have in my psyche. Yet for some reason, it surfaced this week. Why?
This week you were confronted with many expectations and suggestions, so many coming at you at once that you literally could not hear yourself think. And you were so bombarded with having to react in the moment, moment after moment, that you could not figure out how to make time to hear Me either. Isn’t that true?
Lord, it is true. I just want to do everything right, everything correctly. And somehow please all these different people, some of whom want, or seem to want, very different things. I get lost in all of it.
Yes, you do get lost — you lose your focus, you lose your center and that is when you lose your way. In those moments although you may seem outwardly to be in control, you are actually free-falling into a very old fear, so old you can barely remember its origins. At the bottom of that fear is the prohibition against speaking up, speaking out, verbalizing your own thought or feeling or opinion, or asking for what you truly need or want. Your personal primal stress responses are all born out of silence. But as I have told you before, I don’t want you silent. I don’t want you shouting, either. As always there is a third way. You can find safe and sacred spaces to speak. Not to be silent, not to shout, but to speak. To speak up. Up from the well that is inside you, that is full, by the way, of creative, innovative, inspired ideas. On the one hand, you think it is dry, when it is actually full to nearly overflowing. And on the other hand, you are afraid if you pry the lid off this long-capped well, what will emerge will be anger or rage, something that would hurt someone else. You have been long schooled to think your words and thoughts have little value. They are precious to Me. Hear Me: your words, your thoughts, your feelings are Precious in My sight! Not anathema. Not cursed. Not rejected. Precious. Try that thought on for size!
Lord, that thought is huge. It is like a very large coat, several sizes too big.
Not too big. Not too big for your mind and not too big for your heart. But let’s talk a moment about your stress.
Ummm. Do we have to?
No, of course we do not “have to.” But you are the one who brought it up in the first place. Don’t you want to?
I guess. Maybe. Yes. Okay. Yes.
Do you know what stress is like? It is like picking up something too heavy for you to lift and carry, and then staggering under its weight, trying to prove you are strong. I Am not asking you to prove you are strong. I Am not asking you to prove anything. I know you and I love you. All I Am asking you is to walk with Me. Walk with Me and be honest. Tell Me what you cannot lift and carry. It may just be that you are trying to tote a burden that is not yours in the first place.
Not mine?
No. Not if what you are trying to carry is to meet others’ expectations that are either irrelevant, or impossible to truly satisfy, or counter to your true values. One of your core values is abundance. Another is the importance of connecting, if only for a brief few minutes. Another is that everyone ought to have a chance to shine. Another is that you recharge by drinking in air and light, clouds and water, wide, broad land and high tall land, and eye contact with all critters. The world did not always understand Me. It will not always understand you. You can seek to be understood or you can accept that you will sometimes–and sometimes more than other times–be misunderstood, and that is actually okay, because you are walking a different pace on a different trail than those who misunderstand. No judgment against them, and no judgment against you. But you have to decide in those moments whether it is worth it to you to just keep walking. It is when you turn aside, stop walking, and try to match either their path or their pace that you stumble into stress.
But Lord…shouldn’t I care what people think?
If you can continue to love them, and show love to them, even if they misunderstand you, then your love is really what is most important–not their understanding.
So You think that is why I felt so stressed the past few days? I was trying to be understood?
You were longing to be understood, and considering the many thoughts and opinions all around you, you were literally trying to morph yourself into being a chameleon in order to blend in, not make waves. But let Me ask you something about making waves.
What did you photograph this week?
Oh, ha, Lord! Waves!
What kind of waves?
Oh, my gosh–big waves, huge waves, sunlit waves, magnificent curls and splashes, wave spray backwards and shooting up in ethereal angelic forms and rainbow colors, multiple wave sets breaking all at once. Fabulous huge waves!
What would you rather photograph, if there was no danger, no destruction, associated with your images? A flat lake-like ocean, or the ocean you saw yesterday?
The ocean I saw yesterday, Lord. I felt so alive out there. It was cold and windy and until I came in and realized my lips and face were chapped, I hardly noticed in the moment!
So I would ask you to carefully consider your answer in terms of your own life, your own influence. If you had a choice–and you do have a choice–do you want to be a placid lake or a wild ocean?
Gosh, God, that doesn’t seem fair, asking me that question. You know how much I love peace. How much I don’t want discord.
Who said anything about discord? I am asking about energy and influence. Which would you rather be?
Hmmm. Can I be both peaceful and inspiring? Because that ocean yesterday was inspiring, God. It was. It made me think of possibilities. It woke me up somehow.
That ocean uncapped your well. And what came spilling out? Rage? Anger? All that you feared? Anxiety? Panic? Stress?
No, God, none of that. Exhilaration and gratitude and gladness and exuberance. Joy. Joy is what came out, I guess.
So let Me ask you one more time: How do you feel about “making waves” now?
Nervous. But I hear You. I do. Can You help me?
Of course. To paraphrase what Aslan said to Lucy, I shall be helping you all the time.