So I had all good intentions of playing today. I did. I even planned it out, what, when…but I couldn’t. This came up, that came up, the other came up, all important and all time-sensitive. There was no way to do what I planned. Eventually when I got back to the house I did “play” — I played my guitar, which I haven’t done lately, just for a few minutes. Does that count?
Dogs who have been rescued often have to be taught how to play. You have learned trust, and you have excelled at obedience. You have become very affectionate. You overflow with gratitude, and you are a vigilant watchdog, looking out for those around you, keeping an alert eye on your family, on your friends, on your business. Now we need to work on this aspect of performance versus playtime. You would gladly chase after a ball and bring it right back if you thought it served some purpose. You aim to please. I Am trying to help you see that pleasing yourself is not the opposite of pleasing Me or pleasing those you love. Doing something for the pure joy of it, the fun of it, is what we are after here.
Gosh, God, who knew play would be so hard?
I know. That is why I gave you the assignment. You are diligent with assignments. Remember Julia Cameron’s assigned play?
Yes, well, those tended to be the exercises I did not complete!
So now it is time. Play-time.
You are going to have to show me how, God. Or maybe I should say, what and when. I had a how today–but the what and the when never worked out.
What about tonight?
My chores aren’t done. OH! OH! My Chores Aren’t Done! Isn’t that when kids get to play, when their chores are done? Right? My chores aren’t done. Seriously, not done. And I can work up till midnight and they still won’t be done. And by tomorrow there will be more of them…not done. Not all done. They are never all done.
So you never can play?
Well…this runs counter to everything I…allow. The word I want is allow.
You weren’t forbidden to play as a child.
No, no I wasn’t. So WHERE and WHEN did all that start? Yes, performance in school is a big part of all this. But as a little kid I played. I even had an imagination. I climbed trees. I pretended all sorts of things.
By yourself.
Well, yeah, sure. Always by myself. I played race with our goat. I remember that. Back and forth, up and down the fence line. It was fun.
Name something fun in high school.
Fun? Reading, I guess. I loved to read. I began playing guitar in high school. I met You!
But meeting Me then, what you were taught then, was it FUN?
No, I wouldn’t say that. It was serious. Life got serious. Is that the root, Lord?
(Almost a whisper) Little One, look back. What were you told?
Eventually I learned that anything frivolous, anything, oh goodness, anything fun, was wrong. I mean, reading the Bible was okay, and Christian doctrine, okay, but anything else, not okay. So no more reading for pleasure. No more music on the radio. No tv. I guess the guilt of even wanting to do something other than study or work took over. Anything else, beauty for its own sake, all of that, anything for pleasure, I was told to avoid.
Or else.
Yes, or else.
And what do you think now?
I think it was a lie. I think whatever the motive may have been, I wasn’t told the truth, about You, about Your world, about the joy You intend for all of us. I remember thinking at some point that Puritanical and tyrannical rhymed for a reason!
You see, you have recovered much from those years. But sometimes, a situation occurs, as now, and unearths more that needs to be healed. Just as with a rescue dog, sometimes the memory comes back, and the behavior reverts. That is where you are now.
You said that to me once before–sometimes the memory comes back. And then You said You wanted to heal those earlier times.
I still do. So don’t put more pressure on yourself about “play.” I have come to talk to you about play so you can be even more free, not more bound. Just let Me lead you and we will walk into greater freedom together.
And maybe skip? I used to skip!
Maybe I should call you Skippy–for the fun of it!
Lord, Your Love, it blows me away. You are so diligent, to bring out the best of us, all of us.
That is what a good parent does. So when I say to you, run along and play now, give it a little consideration, okay?
Okay.