Category: Seeking God

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Relationship

Lord, it’s morning. I slept weird. Please, please, please, what would You say?

You don’t have to beg. I’m right here. I never moved.

But…

But what? You think your only value to Me is as a servant? As a scribe? What about Love? What about, I love you. Not, I love what you are doing for Me, which is the same as saying, I love Me–but, I love you.

That’s why I want you to stop picking your fingers–I love your fingers, I love everything about you. I made the little quirks that make you who you are. I’m proud of you, I bless you and I love you. I’m for you, I’m with you, I’m in you. And then, last, I’m through you. You’ve reversed the order. The order is important. It’s progressive in understanding and experience and maturity. I Am not looking for servants, but friends, remember? Friends share with one another. Friends talk things out.

Friends ask, what can I do to help? Friends hear your need and offer solutions, just like your friend did yesterday, and just like you did, in your last conversation. Let Me be your Friend again–the One you can tell anything to, the One with helpful advice. Not just your Lord, which for you is a loaded word that segues into Master and which puts distance between us. Ours is a different relationship.

I came to earth in part to model that different relationship and in part to encourage different types of relationships between humans, relationships based on an idea of equality as Children of One God. That is why Paul could write, there is neither male nor female, Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, for all are one in Christ Jesus. He was trying to point to the equality and worth of every human being. In that society, free Jewish males were at the top of the food chain. Slaves, non-Jewish “gentiles” and females were at the bottom. In your society, there are similar distinctions. Landed white property owners became the Free. Workers, even non-slave workers, became the servant class.

Master/servant, boss/worker, free/not-free is pervasive, all around you. You still struggle with believing this duality is from Me, when I came to abolish it once and for all.

You have been and continue to be a “good and faithful servant.” But I want more. Go sit by your Pete and come and sit stream side with Me. Let’s renew our vows; let’s be more than Lord and servant. Let’s be Friends. Let’s Love one another. That is the foundation for loving anyone else, you know. You love Me–now receive My Love, in all its manifestations and gifts.

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Touch and Go

Julia Cameron says we should write in the morning, and for the past 16 years, I have done just that. I like starting the day with a clean slate, remembering who I am, who You are. I like setting my inner compass for the day, and I definitely feel more centered and less rushed when I take that morning time. But I have to admit, thanks to this blog, I am liking my times of writing in the evening, too. I haven’t sat to write at night like this for years and years, maybe 30 or more. There is something about ending the day with a clean slate, too. But I don’t always find time to do both. Sometimes, especially if I missed the morning pages for some reason, I find myself rushing here at night, and rushing is not my best pace, where these pages are concerned. I do better to amble on paper than dash.

You do better to amble through life than dash, too — but sometimes, dashing is necessary, and dashing here is better than not coming here at all.

Sometimes I feel like a pilot practicing touch-and-go’s; I am not really seeing the scenery, and I am not fully landing!

But practice for the sake of practice can be beneficial, too, and that is one lesson you are learning now. Sometimes it is enough to, as you say, “just show up.” What have you learned by just showing up?

I have learned that You are always, always here. I get afraid I will be met with silence. I get afraid that our connection is lost, that I have lost it, like the cliche about losing the thread of the conversation. I am afraid my end will unravel. But Yours never does. Sometimes You pick up where I left off weeks or months or years before, and suddenly what You said then clicks into place, and it all makes sense!

That is one advantage of writing these musings instead of merely thinking them. Memory as you know can be elusive, or fickle. You may not always remember when you need to. Details, important nuances, can be lost. But if you take the time to write it all down, as you have been doing these past 16 years, then you have a record to go back to.

It’s really helpful, Lord. It boosts my faith, too, to see or read rather, what You said in the past, and see it unfold later as my future. Well, when it unfolds it is my present, but You know what I mean.

Since I Am Timeless, I inhabit all time at one time. All is one to Me and in Me. That is why I can talk to you about the future. I Am already there. I can guide you from that perspective into your best possible choices, if you continue to let Me. If you continue to practice, to stay connected, there is much you can learn, much you can discern, and moreover, you can walk in much more faith, which by default means much less fear. It’s a good trade, don’t you think? A few minutes in the morning, a few minutes at night, and your faith and trust increase while your worry and stress and fear decrease.

Yes, Lord, a very good trade! Thank You. But back to “touch and go.” When we say that, it is usually a negative connotation. It means, can go either way, like someone in a medical emergency, and you don’t know the outcome. You seem to be implying something different.

The keyword is “touch” not “go.” As you go, touch. Think of touchstone. These pages are like a touchstone for you. Here, you touch Me. You touch My Heart. You touch your own here, too, and you see right away when you are off course, or off center. You touch, and then you are empowered to go, to go into your day. Think of how you often dash out the door in the morning, think of this morning–what was the last thing you did?

Well, dash is the word for today, and the last thing I did before I stepped out the front door was give Pete a kiss goodby, and tell our Sheltie to be a good girl and I would be home tonight, and then on the front porch I said the same to the kitty. Then I just about trotted to the car!

You see? You took time to touch, and then go. In Me, even touch and go can be a very good thing.

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Trust

Lord, it occurred to me, driving home, I often ask You about things. I need wisdom or guidance or understanding. But sometimes, I need to ask You, or I want to ask You, for things–blessings of various kinds. And I have had friends who fall on either side of a great divide in understanding. On the one side I have friends who say, oh no, you can’t; God doesn’t grant those sorts of prayers! And on the other side are friends who say, oh my, you must — God delights to grant those sorts of prayers! So they can’t both be right…right?

Let’s set “right” aside, for right implies wrong. I suspect your friends who counsel you not to ask Me for specific blessings or outcomes are also of the mindset that the days of miracles are either past, or never did exist in actuality. Theirs is a limited understanding of My Presence, My Being with all of My creation. It reflects a duality of thinking which says I am either a magic genie granting wishes willy-nilly, or a grand puppeteer and I do whatever I want to with what I own, aka all of creation. Neither is an accurate reflection of Who I Am.

When you approach Me from a rich, deep, broad understanding of I Am Love, and I Am Love Incarnate, Love Become Human, Love Enfolded In Flesh, then you can better understand the kind of relationship each person can have with that kind of Love. What would you ask a stranger for? What would you ask a best friend for? What would you ask a spouse for? What would you ask a parent for? Your answers vary, first, depending on the kind of relationship, and second, depending on the personality of the other. There are generous parents and stingy parents, parents who seek their children’s best and parents who are so wounded emotionally or so ill mentally that they cannot focus beyond their own selves. A child who grows up with that kind of parent will have a different relationship to the word “parent” than someone who grows up in a loving, safe, responsible home. A partner who lives with a loving, respectful, tender spouse will have a very different view of marriage than one who lives with an abusive, unfaithful or violent spouse. So much depends on the experience each human has with his or her most significant relationships. My Big Challenge — yes, I, God, have challenges too — is to approach each one of you on your own terms, at a pace that matches your own ability to receive. Think about your little feral kitty. She has come so far with you — yet she still startles and hisses at certain noises or sudden motions. You have learned what voice she responds to most, how to move slowly and easily so you don’t frighten her. And her capacity to love and trust increases as you approach her on her terms. But the other kitty, the one who has known nothing but love and safety, you can be much bolder with him, scooping him up in your arms while he purrs in delight!

Now imagine each kitty were magically given the gift of human speech. What do you think each one would ask you for? Would they ask the same things? Would they expect the same things? Or would their requests be colored by their prior experiences of life? You see? Neither would be “right” because this is not a question of right or wrong. This is a question of experience.

All that really matters is that you continue to model your best life in Me. That will tend to teach the skittish by your example that perhaps there is more depth to a relationship with Me than they have previously imagined.

Trust, Lord, it seems to be about trust.

Yes, and some will trust Me more simply because they trust you.

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Conversation

Well, Lord, I did a lot today. Spent a good amount of time at the page this morning, and I really appreciate being able to do that. You helped me clarify a number of things I needed to work out, details about the upcoming season mostly. So this was one of those days I needed some specific direction, and You provided it. Thank You. But that means I didn’t spend the time to talk to You for the world, so to speak. I needed to talk to You for me.

 

This life you are living, peeling back the layers and allowing folks a glimpse into your private world of prayer is making you feel vulnerable, and a bit pressured. You want so much to give value, give something worthy, something helpful.

God, it’s true! I do. I really do.

So here is your message for today, and it is very important. Critical, in fact. You need to talk to Me. That is the message. That is the message for you. And that is the message for your world. Ultimately, that is what this entire effort is about, convincing folks that they can have the same experience of intimacy with Me that you have. In that sense, you are not a prophet but you are an example. I say, not a prophet, because just as you cannot carry the world’s burdens, as we talked about yesterday, I also don’t want you to take on the mindset of having to hear a message tailored for the world, as if I were not going to speak to individuals, individually. So I really do want you to keep doing what we are doing. Keep having these conversations—some deep, in which you explore questions and issues of purpose and puzzlement, and some so seemingly routine, in which you ask, as you did this morning, for daily help, like figuring out a workable schedule with time factored in for everything that is important to you, including times to rest and relax and be creative. This is important for you and your life, so it is important to Me. And it is just the kind of direction so many need and yet they don’t ask Me for My help.

If you can continue to be faithful to share these daily conversations, one of the results will be that others will become bolder to ask Me anything, and tell Me everything. And I tell you, that choice causes more rejoicing in My Father-God heart than you can imagine.

So keep talking, keep listening, and keep being willing to share. And don’t worry about trying to be profound. As I told you before, just keep being real. You are doing more good than you know.

 

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Knowing

Lord, here is a concern. I don’t want to be deceived, and I sure don’t want to deceive others. So I write that and I think, the blurt is, what if I am just talking to myself, deceiving myself this is You, or worse? I think about the deception in Genesis, an egocentric focus, the whole first lie, you will be like God…

You are already like God—all humans are, in the sense that I made humanity to be spiritually sourced in Me. You are all meant to be “like God” – to walk in love and in peace with one another. That is not the stumbling block phrase. “Knowing good and evil” – that is the stumbling block phrase.

Remember “knowing” wasn’t used just for intellectual understanding but for intimate experience. I, the Lord, recognize evil but I don’t “know” evil. I do not experience evil in Myself, in My choices. The instant result in the Garden was shame (not-like God), blame (not-like God) and hiding from God and each other (not-like God). That is not wisdom. That was the lie, that experiencing evil would make humanity wise, make humanity more divine. But no.

I have spent all of human history in every culture trying to undo that lie, trying to restore individuals to Who I Am, to who each one can be in Me. Your lyric is right—you can’t hold My Fullness, but you can do your part. And your part is to shine and to inspire others to find their connection to Me.

 

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Thirsty

Lord, why is this such a struggle? Every day I struggle to remember who I am, in You; who You are, in me and in the world. I just want to get it! Like breathing.

You do get it like breathing. You breathe out and release what you know to be false, and you draw in what you know to be true. You see your struggle as a failing and I see it as a triumph. Over and over you release and you draw in. You commit, over and over. You renew your life with Me, over and over. Right now, you are dehydrated; you are thirsty. Your spirit craves My Spirit like your body craves water during exercise. Work is outflow—you do love it but it is outflow. You need some inflow. Sleep by itself is not enough. You need refreshment for your soul as well as rest for your body. It is okay to admit to Me how thirsty you are. Let Me quench your thirst first. Then you will have fresh water to share with others.

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Renewal

God, if I could sit down and have a conversation with You, one thing I would ask You about is renewal. That whole church time. And what You think about all that.

What did renewal mean to you? What did that time do for you? Never mind anyone else’s experience. What was your experience?

Well, You talked to me. That was the huge thing. I’d be there, and we’d talk. I loved that—and before those services, I longed for that connection, to hear You in my heart. It didn’t happen often before that, the whole meditative prayer thing.

And I began with my friend our ministry to the Blackfoot right before that, but we definitely felt led and empowered to go. That was huge. I received physical and emotional strength to care for Mom and Dad in their illness. Over and over I felt, well, renewed. I had new energy to continue in a difficult situation. That was huge.

 And You healed so much earlier emotional brokenness, and that healing opened the possibility of my allowing myself to love someone again—Pete—and to remarry. That was Huge, huge, huge.

So you received healing, and strength, and encouragement, and joy. You connected more deeply with Me, and you were guided by that connection in all sorts of decisions. You felt empowered to speak about Me, and especially to speak about reconciliation, peace, and unity.

Yes.

What makes you think you are not living in renewal right now? You connect with Me here, and in your heart, everyday. You received supernatural strength and miracles when Pete was sick before. Your connection with family up north is a renewal miracle. You speak about Me in a way that encourages reconciliation, peace, and unity, all the time. You are walking, living, breathing a renewed life every day, all the time!

Oh, wow! Thank You, Lord! Wow, that’s great! I can feel You smiling, giving me a hug. I love You, Lord.

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Seek and Find

Lord, what would You say? You speak to my artist friend in drawings. You speak to me in nature, in patterns of light and shadow, and in words I hear in my heart.

Don’t ever stop searching. Those who seek, find. Those who search for Me with their whole heart, find Me. Search for Me everywhere and you will find Me, everywhere waiting. Search for Me in one small narrow corner of the vast universe, and that is where you will find Me, but that is not only where I Am. Truly I Am Everywhere-Present, all the time calling and speaking to you.

What you are experiencing is expansion of experience. You are shattering gates and knocking down walls to My Presence in your life. You are letting Me rush in like a flood, like a Mighty Wind. You are letting Me flood your soul and your life with Light. You are expanding your territory when you expand the boundaries you have put on My Presence.

I Am not playing Hide and Seek with you, not as you think—rather, I Am Hiding in Plain Sight, just waiting for your least glance, your least nod, to notice My Presence. Then you will hear Me plainly say, Here I Am, Here Have I Been All Along, Here Will I Be, in all your tomorrows.

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Clarity

Lord, I feel like we have both become discouraged, and discouragement is obscuring. Like, like the dangerous aspect of fog.

You need clarity. There is a reason you de-fog your lens. Too much fog and you can’t focus on anything. Then fog becomes like Silence. You don’t want to be deaf or blind. You want to be clear—clear eyes, clear heart, like clear water. You want to reflect Me and My heart through your life.

Oh, God, the Seat of Seeing I want to sit in is Yours. And the One I want to walk the beach with and listen to is You. And if I take myself on a guided meditation and walk a path through the forest and over the footbridge and into the clearing, the One I want to find there is You. Yes, I’d love talking animals and birds to accompany me, of course! Like Narnia! But as Lucy said, it’s You, Alsan. It’s You.

I Am always with you. I will never leave you. Even when you don’t know what to do, what to say, where to go, where to be, I AM. And I AM by your side, and I Am within you. I fill all things—for you that means I fill all circumstances, all situations, with My Holy Presence. Let Me fill your mind, your thoughts. Let Me fill your body with health and strength. Let Me fill your days and your nights. Let Me fill all things in your life with Myself. Let Me be the air you breathe that sustains you moment by moment. Let My Spirit flow through your body like oxygen-rich blood, energizing and inspiring every part of you. You sing praise. You sing hallelujah—not because I need to hear it, but because it is healing for your soul to remember the Song. Fill yourself with Who I Am. Glow—Sing—Blaze. Stand—Walk—Run—Fly—Soar. Lift yourself up as you lift My Name up in praise and thanksgiving. That is the key for you—sing praise.

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Questions

I guess if I can write lyrics on envelopes, I can talk to You on envelopes!

You can talk to Me anywhere, anytime, about anything.

Okay, then, I want to follow up about hearing from You. I mean, hearing from You about others. 

In what way?

Can I? May I?

Sometimes the best way to talk is to listen. Ask a question and then listen to the answer. Often the answer is itself a question.

Yes. So?

So instead of talking to those you love, if you ask a question, an inspired question, you will actually be prompting them to listen to their own heart. And that is where they will find Me–just as you did.

Okay, I understand. So…what’s the question?

Ah, yes, the question. Well, there’s not really the question. But here is a question. What in your life, right now, brings you the most joy? Why don’t you answer it first?

The most joy? A lot of things bring me a lot of joy.

Yes, but I asked about the most joy.

Honestly, Lord, it’s You. It’s knowing–I am smiling just writing this–it’s knowing I am connected to You. That You hear me and I can hear You. I didn’t use to have this connection and I so treasure it.

You always had this connection, you just didn’t know it. And now you do.

Yes, and that knowing–that brings me the most joy.

So here is a question for you to think about for tomorrow. What brings you the most peace?