Category: Direction

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The Seat of Seeing

You know how I love that scene in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, in which Aragorn, troubled and unsure, diverts from the trail to sprint up the hill to sit a moment in the Seat of Seeing. In the story, what he sees mirrors his own uncertainty; all is murky and he winds up having to trust his heart for his next steps. For some reason the idea of a Seat of Seeing has always resonated deeply within me. I think the reason has to do with deliberate intention. When you choose to sit still in a Seat of Seeing, you are really asking to see, asking to know, asking to be led. And I know we can’t always KNOW…but I also know we can always be led, always hear our next right step.

So last week, while in Hendersonville, walking a mountain trail, I came to this rock formation and immediately I thought, a Seat of Seeing! I want to write about what happened next, what I felt and thought there, what it seemed to me You said there.

Like Aragorn, I was seeking direction. So I left the trail and walked up the slight incline to sit on the lowest of the rocks. There was a perfect ledge there, big enough for me to sit and even lay back. No sooner had I sat, wondering what will I see here (thinking maybe a bird would fly by or something), then I heard in what I have come to believe is Your voice speaking in my own mind thoughts I know did not originate in my own thinking. You said, “your future.” I did not expect that! That was startling and revelatory in a way I still don’t understand. Later in the week, I had a chance to sit on another rock, this one on flat ground with a tiny heart shape in its form. There, You said to me: You have need of patience. Yes, Lord. I know.

The whole experience, these two rocks, these two messages, a couple days apart, were connected in my mind and heart. Future…patience. I told someone recently what I read years ago: you can drive across country at night seeing only the next 50 feet in front of you. Sometimes (ok, all the time) I want to see way down the road. But You are calling me to trust. To trust, and to flow. That is what I believe You are saying to my life right now.

Look back at your own words above. Aragorn had to trust his heart. So do you. You have to trust that I Am speaking to your heart, yes. But you also have to trust your heart, in and of itself, for your heart is connected to My Heart. This is where your doubts arise. You question your decisions. And what have I told you about that?

You told me to choose from Love.

Exactly. If you choose from Love, you will never choose amiss, which is what Aragorn feared he was doing in the tale, choosing amiss. You cannot choose amiss if you choose from Love.

But what if things don’t work out?

You mean, what if the outcome is not what you originally envisioned?

Exactly!

If you hitch your choice to Love to a specific outcome or a specific set of circumstances that you plan out in advance, then you are not actually choosing Love above all. Remember, the choice to Love does not mean that you bow down to abuse or that you go along with others’ choices that are clearly not based in Love. Love will give you the courage to say yes, and also to say no. Love gives you the patience to wait, to be still, to listen, to be led. The important thing, the only important thing, is to choose from Love. Love’s flow will always, always move you in the right direction. Follow that flow, follow your heart, and you will be following My Voice, all the time, each and every time.

You also reminded me of that old hymn, He hides my soul in the cleft of the rock, and covers me there with His hand. I just remembered that, looking at the photograph. As I was getting back to my feet, sort of climbing back out of the wedge, the cleft, You brought that hymn to mind. And it was comforting and scary all at once.

Why scary, little one? Do you not believe I Myself Am choosing from Love?

Of course. But the world isn’t. And even in Love, people leave.

People die, you mean.

Yes. And it is hard.

You are still very earth-bound, and earth-bound is who I made you, all of you, to be. Remember, I created this earth, this beautiful earth, for you, as a gift–for a season. In this season you are in the body. After this season you will be in My Body, which is deathless, timeless, ageless. And healed. Healed of any manifestation that is not-Love. Imagine that! Who wouldn’t want that? Who wouldn’t long for that? That is your future, your destiny. But before that future, you have chapters yet to live on earth, in your body, choosing the Love that is Eternal. Living here, seeing Beyond. That is what I Am calling you more and more to do. To live both/and, remember? To see, to hear, to share both/and. Both IN the earthly body AND In My Heavenly one. To flow from My Spirit while in an earthly body. To feed the hungry heart, to quench the thirsty soul. You have so many ways to do just that! Some will receive in one way and others will receive in a different way. Lead and be led from Love. Always, always, from Love.

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Walk by Walking

I had a wonderful day this weekend. I was out three times! Dawn, mid-afternoon on the dunes, and then dusk. I didn’t post a blog; I slept in, I enjoyed some quiet, I worked some, I walked some, I played some. How did I feel come Monday morning? Sleepy…but so refreshed. It’s a week since my mini retreat. Obstacles are blocks to power, our retreat director said. Like a frayed electrical line. Or like–as with the long jewelry case–a toggle switch, hidden from sight under the toe kick–turned, bumped off. Sheesh! And a simple enough fix. Let the Power flow! So what would You say?

Let the Peace flow. Most of your issues and difficulties stem from agitation. You don’t know what tomorrow will bring–nobody does. You need to follow what you told your friend recently, what Joel Osteen wrote, that you can drive a long way at night seeing only the next few feet ahead of you in your headlights. You can’t see the whole road, around each curve–even in daylight! And it’s an illusion to think you can. You have to trust that each step is leading you on your journey. You have to keep driving, keep walking, keep moving forward. If your heart is truly to walk with Me, then the light you are walking by is knowing I Am with you and I will lead you. You won’t stray far from the trail.

Speaking of trails, moment by moment you are making decisions that help to create the day you are going to have, today and tomorrow. It is not so much that there is only one perfect narrow path designed specifically step by step for your life. It is that when you commit to living a life centered in Me, you are increasingly more sensitive to the nudges of wind, to the nuances of sights or sounds that catch your attention. Your possibilities actually increase rather than decrease. Ah, that got your attention!

A life centered on Love and Peace can have many outworkings, not just one. Just don’t forget all the fruits of My Presence–love and joy and peace and goodness and kindness and gentleness–are meant for you as well. This is not an Either/Or way. This is a Both/And way. “They” thrive and you thrive. That’s the model.

When you are agitated, in worry-mode, stressed out about particular circumstances, you have frozen yourself in time. You have stopped walking. You have forgotten Who is walking with you. Pause, take a few deep breaths, and check your soul’s compass. Is the path you are following helping to build My Kingdom-Come within you and those around you? If the answer is yes, then take the next step. If the answer is no, course-correct and take the next step. It truly is as simple as that, to abide in Me. Stay close, stay in focus, and enjoy the journey.

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Full Circle

Oh, Father God! I just “randomly” — but actually I know I was led — picked up an old, old journal. Spring 2012. I’m thumbing through, and reading about writing. About writing more than dialog–which is exactly what You and I have been talking about, six years, six long years later. So on the page I brainstormed titles, I listed possible themes, and then I turned the page. And reading, I turn the page, and I suddenly feel as if I have stepped into a Time Tunnel (one of my favorite shows as a kid, I had a huge crush on James Darren) and I am somehow suspended there, or that my former self and my current self are meeting in these pages. I am reading back and it is as if I am reading what I wrote just days ago, not years ago.

Here it is: Lord, I’ve always wanted to write fantasy, I suddenly realize, because in fantasy things work out. (Current Note: Like Eden!!) You can envision a world where magic happens, and sets to rights. Where ordinary people receive gifts of power and purpose and use them to make a difference in their worlds. Since you’re the crafter of the world, you can make it “work.” You can make it beautiful. You aren’t “naive” — I hate, I admit it, that criticism of myself but what if I embrace it and instead call it was it is, which is Innocence. (The very thing You JUST asked me to write! Not even a week ago, in 2018!) And prophetic. And creative. And cathartic. Aha, a new and blessed way to think about naive. Aha. Thank You, Lord.

Right about then, six years ago, the dogs woke Pete and I stopped writing. The next day I journaled about an early named storm and the several days of rain to come. And then You answered my barely whispered fear, about the storm, about the economy, in words that, again, echo what You told me just yesterday, about Peace:

The world and its circumstances will try continually to pull you off-center. If you can stay in your center with Me, the tug and pull of that will become less and less. Re-magnetize yourself to My Promises and all this tugging and pulling will switch to pushing–to bringing you even more closely aligned with My Will for you life, which can be summed up in one word: blessing. My Will for your life is blessing. Blessing you and through you blessing others. O, little one, do not be afraid. Your path is peace and that means inner peace most of all. I want you to drink from My River of Peace, Deep Peace. Deep Peace of the Running Wave to you. Deep Peace of the Quiet Pool to you Remember the little shell dove on the path at Bodie Island? I Am not scolding you, I Am soothing you. I Am calming you. Maybe you could find something restful, something peaceful, to do today. You smile at that thought, but I mean it.

Lord, I look around and all that fills my thoughts are the need-to’s.

You need to take a deep breath. Maybe you need to journal. Why don’t you write down some things that bring you peace, that are restful and calming?

So good grief, God! Have I learned nothing in six years?!?  And this can’t be a coincidence, either. Six years ago, You talk to me about writing, and then about peace, deep peace, Inner Peace and Calm. And now, You talk to me about writing and then again, about deep peace. So the two are, they have to be connected.

You dialog with Me on the Page, you play and sing, you photograph, you speak, all from a deep inner spring that connects directly to the depth My Spirit provides. It is much like a spring in the natural, that taps into an underground aquifer of purest water. You need to write from this same depth, but you have spent literally years, decades, capping that well.

So, God, again I turn the page and it is all I can do not to cry, because I have been thinking lately about the music, and here come two full pages of dialog, in which I am asking you the exact same questions I have been asking You now. And then I used the word should, as in should I or shouldn’t I do this or that, and You said could, and You said confirmation and a sense of direction. And I didn’t. I didn’t do one single thing written there, in the list of I could. Not one. 

Now do you understand why I spoke the same words again? Gave you the same prompts again? Led you to this exact notebook and these exact pages, to re-affirm to you, once again, you COULD. Not you must. Not you should. But yes, still, you could.

The chance has not passed, passed me by?

Would I be leading you here again if that were so? I Am the God of many, many chances, of many, many coulds. In some ways you are in a stronger position now. You feel too much time has passed. I Who Am Timeless say, your Time is still Now. Always, still, Now. Even, Now. So you could begin. You could begin again.

Full Circle. You just brought me full circle.

Yes, that is what I do.

How many times, Lord?

As many times as it takes.

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Setting Sail

Lord, I can see how far You’ve brought me, and it really is all You. You are the reason I can hope, and believe, and rejoice. You are the reason I can look forward and look around with anticipatory gladness and gratitude. You are the change in me, dear God. It’s all You. So that is how I can continue to set my compass, isn’t it? To set my sails?

I Am not asking you to sail in the direction others are sailing. I Am asking you to stay on course. Everything in you wants to rescue those you love. That’s My job.

But Lord, it is stormy and windy and there are rocks and I see them sailing–so often–straight for disaster, or straight for rough seas, and I can see this haven, this calm, this beauty…

You cannot help them from inside the storm. You always think you can, that this is the way. Follow Me, sail safely with My guidance, and keep sending dispatches. Keep broadcasting your coordinates. Let them find you. As long as you keep broadcasting, you have not abandoned them. You always want to share your bounty, but you cannot tow them to safety while they are motoring in the opposite direction. Just keep broadcasting your coordinates, where the New Country is, and what the weather is here. You don’t have to leave your safe haven to go get them–any of them. the instant they truly decide, and for as long as they decide, to sail in a new direction, the storm will subside for them–each of them, all of them. You don’t have to plead with them, or try to trick them, or try to force them. Just be honest about what your life is like. “As for me and my house…” That’s your story. “This is all I know–this is how it is for me.” That’s your storyline. That’s your storyline for everything–retreats, sharing in the gallery, your blog, this journal. You are sharing your experience, a full life, lived joined with Me. Your strength, which is My Joy and My Peace and My Love together, forms your hope. That is why folks listen to you. You share your truth, and your truth is life. You broadcast your coordinates. They are seasick, storm-tossed, and not comforted, as the scripture says. Frightened. You are safe, nourished, protected, confident and living in abundance. This applies to every storm: health, physical and emotional safety, finances, your most intimate relationships. Your creative and spiritual life, and your sharing with the world. You have landed in Paradise, dear one. And I Am Here–that is what makes this Paradise for you, and a foreshadowing of the Paradise to come.

I really do mean for you to live here, to fulfill My intention, so My Dream of blessing for my children can come true. Now I Am saying Please. Please stay in the promise, and let My Will in all its manifest glory come true in you, and so through you, for others as well. But not by leaving My country. by sending dispatches, bulletins, broadcasts–everything from here.

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Rise Up for Peace

Hoo boy, Lord, what a wild few days. A real roller-coaster ride emotionally. One friend left the area after living here more than 20 years. I seem to have the ability to hold another person’s needs inside, see their perspective, while at the same time trying to hold onto mine as equally valid. So I can both rejoice for her new beginning, acknowledge her mixed feelings about leaving, and experience my own sadness, all at once. How is that even possible?!? Here is another one: conflict among people I care about. I seem to be able to hold a point of view that looks for a door, a keyhole, a way out, a reconciliation. Even though in my own life I have experienced times where reconciliation was not possible; too much would have to be compromised. I think I have sometimes been a peace-at-any-price person, and that attitude doesn’t stand up. It doesn’t stand up for truth, or fairness. So in the end, it doesn’t stand up for peace either. If no fights break out on the playground only because everyone is terrified of the school bully and no one will say anything, that is not peace. So Peace has to mean more than “absence of conflict.” Right? What would You say? How do people, how can I, be a peacemaker, when two sides are so opposed? Or if two sides hold values that contradict each other, so that if one prevails, the other loses by default? You always, always talk about a third way. I need one. 

You are thinking, I can walk North or I can walk South or I can sit and do nothing.

Exactly!! And none of those seems like the right choice. I mean, at the moment. None of those is exactly right. None of those gets to the real heart of the issue. None of those brings lasting peace.

So you want a Third Way?

Yes I do. I thought of three myself, just like You said. North, South, Sit. Meaning, do nothing. That is not acceptable. So since that is not acceptable, I am trying to figure out how to stay balanced within myself while I walk North, say. Or South, say. I know I am talking in circles, I can’t help it.

There is one direction you have not considered.

What is that?

Up. Rise Up. Grow some Wings.

Oh, Lord, speaking of wings…the little butterfly, the one that overwintered? It finally emerged, way too tiny a body, and stunted little wings that will never fly, could barely flutter. All that cocooning, for nothing.

Not for nothing. It emerged out of time. Timing is very important.

But…but…I thought it was supposed to over-winter, emerge in spring! Rest, be dormant, renew, and come out fresh, energized, full of new life!

Little One, how much rest, true REST, did you have this winter? How much rest do you allow yourself now? And you see the result.

Are You saying I am stunting my own growth? My own growth spiritually and creatively?

That is exactly what I Am saying. Do you believe you can enter a conflict and maintain your own peace? That is another way of asking, maintain My Own Peace within you? What did I say? Peace I give you, My Peace I leave with you. Not as the world gives do I give. And how does the world give? It gives and takes. It gives and takes back. It gives, holding back. It turns aside, turns its back, refuses to give an inch. And how do I give? Profusely, continuously and constantly. Always in line with Who I Am. There is no conflict within Me. Hear that again. No conflict within Me. If you can find your center in Me, that is how and where you rise. That is where your wings are. Stay centered and there will be no conflict within you either.

No conflict means you are assured, and true to your purpose. And what is your purpose, your particular purpose? To connect. To open your heart wide. To open your life wide. Not to become a victim by your openness. Your gentleness really is your strength, as you said earlier today. Remember My Word: In Quiet and Confidence shall be your strength. That is certainly true for you.

Where did you put the little butterfly?

I tried to put it on some flowers but it just kept falling off. So I carried it up to the statue I have in the yard, which to me always looks like a cross between Jesus and St Francis. I laid it there with my blessing. I could not bring myself to squish it. I just couldn’t.

It emerged too early. Over-wintering was not the issue. Trying to force emergence prematurely was the issue. It is still too cold. The wings needed more time.

What about me? 

Trust My Timing for you, too. Those creative expressions you sense beginning to stir, let them stretch slowly. Just like your muscles, don’t stretch too hard too fast. Let them ease their way into their full length and strength.

Now, about the particular conflict that concerns you.

Yes, God. What in the world do I do about that?

Stay your course. You already know how you want to proceed. Your heart has already shown the way. Follow your heart. You can trust your heart; it beats in rhythm with Mine, especially where peace is concerned. You are going to live out the third way in a deeper way than you have before. You hate “fight” so typically you choose “flight” — meaning, you flee. You abdicate. You capitulate. But this time you shall choose to fly. Flight shall take on a new meaning. You shall rise up strong in the knowledge that you speak My heart from your heart.

Lord, what if others don’t understand? What if they don’t agree? What if they argue? What then?

Don’t give in. Don’t fear their fear, don’t be angry with their anger. Just keep pointing the way to the only solution that will work, and that solution IS Peace. You are not seeking to avoid conflict as you are to inhabit an entirely new, different, and sacred space within those relationships, and that space is Peace. You can pinpoint it on a map, and as soon as you do, you will notice how it grows, receiving territory as others want what you have, want to live as you live. Stay In Peace. Wear Peace as your emblem. But remember–True Peace. Not Peace at any price. Peace that stands up for the weaker, that defends the belittled or ignored, that befriends the outcast in a way that transforms everyone in the situation. You can do this. You have done this before. You can–and will–do this again.

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Peace Shield

Lord, I’ve had seasons, years I mean, where music was front and center. And it flowed, it poured forth, in lyric and melody, songs, lots and lots of songs. And I have had much briefer seasons, often when I was out of work sick, when poetry came. Poem after poem, and the joy in that, in the midst of not feeling well, this explosion of poetic creativity, only to go silent again once I got well and the pace of daily life resumed. I’ve had seasons of writing prose, creative nonfiction, essays, stories for children, all kinds of prose, and again, some door shuts and all is quiet. Now I have enjoyed twelve years, it will be twelve this summer, of a visual photographic life, and I believe it has lasted so long precisely because it is part of my livelihood now, so I have reasons to keep going, and permission. Permission from myself, from those closest to me, from Pete. Permission to spend the time to hone the craft part, and to spend the time for the “right place, right time” part. I haven’t had the chance to allot that sort of time to writing for a long time. Ditto music. Something had to give, for photography to take its place. So I guess I want to know if it is possible for me to have both, to do both, to write and photograph, to write music (more than I do now, driving to work, in snatches) and photography. I don’t want to lose photography, lose my visual sensitivity. How can I have both? Won’t I have to give up one or the other?

That question is like asking Me if you will lost My Voice, the tangible sense of My Presence, because you love a person on earth, or even an animal. There is room in you for both. You’ve thought not, and been taught not, but you don’t have to choose between loving Me and loving them. You don’t have to choose loving Me only vicariously through loving them. Yes, I have called you–all of you–to love each other, but I also called you first to love Me. So it is with what you call your writer-self, your musician-self, your artist-self, your photographer-self, and yes, your business-owner-self. You have needed integration in order to live the expansion I planned for you.

You have thought your spiritual and your creative sides were like cousins, and that both were related only distantly to what you call your business-self. But you are not schizophrenic. You are not separate identities or even separate roles. You are yourself–complex, multifaceted, and finally shining in all directions.

We talked recently about the Four Directions, about you walking counter-clockwise on the Wheel. Let’s think of the Four Directions in another way.

Your East is your visual self. All you see and how you respond to all you see, the light.

Your West is your audial self, all you hear within. Music and story flow from your West, a deeply creative space in you.

Your South is your loving self, all your relationships lived out–including those with animals both domestic and wild.

Your North is your thinking self, your academic side, your mathematical and yes your organized self, how you organize or prioritize data. Your business sense comes from here.

I Am in you in all of these directions. I Am both Center and the very form that unites them. They are a Cross. They are also at their fullest expression a Circle. They are a Peace Shield. No more tugging or fighting within you. That pulls the wheel off balance, out of round.

You shall both see–and express–and hear–and express.

Feel and touch–and express. Think and synthesize–and express. It is bigger than you though.

It is not that I Am giving you a Shield.

It is that you, yourself, your life expressed, you ARE a Peace Shield. Have I not told you this before?

Uhh, I am not sure. I think so. I don’t remember.

Remember. Remember everything you need to remember. The Red Fox has come, from what you call east, wearing gunfire, to free the west, the gray/black fox, the hearer of you. For all you have heard from Me here, as story and song and writing, you will hear even more. And this twinning, sight with sound will be fully joined with Heart and Mind, and all united and spinning, like your world spins, and in spinning circles, like your earth circles, sustained by Me and held in balance and beauty by Me as well. Blue is for sky and for water. Blue overarches the keen, sharp peaks of your ind and undergirds the soft gentle growing and sharing, the touching and being touched, the giving and receiving green of your south. These are your colors.

You know now that black is really not black per se, it has all the other colors, sometimes with coppers and golds, as a kitty’s fur. Sometimes it has shimmering purples and iridescent greens like Blackbird’s feathers. The deepest ocean creatures still carry light within themselves as bioluminescence. So you carry My light deep within you.

This is your True Purpose, this integration, these multiple expressions. This way of hearing and seeing, and what you hear and what you see, all True. I have spoken over you as you slept. Now you are awake. Now it is time to arise. Don’t be anxious any more over anyone else’s anxiety, don’t be burdened for their concerns. If fighting stallions were to charge over the dunes, Fox would hear and see and feel them coming. She would know to either go deep within her den of safety–which is another way to say, come here to Me–or she would move to another spot, another vantage point, and wait there–which is another way to say, live Peace out in your world. Carry the Calm I have gifted you with.

You have gifted me with Calm? But…but…but what about my pinball brain?

You know now to remember the Shield. Yes, you spin, beautifully so. You take many strands and spin and weave a whole. That work flows best from an inner calm of assurance.

Lord, I am picturing a shield, with arrows going north/south and east/west. They look like a compass.

Yes, you live True North–and also True South and True East and True West.

Yours is a Shield of Peace, a Shield of Purpose, a Shield of Love and a Shield of Light. Sleep easy. You are, as you say sometimes, both guided and guarded. You can rest.

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Permission

I was just wishing I had more of my photos keyworded. Gosh, it would make things so much easier when I am trying to find an old image I never processed. And that prompts me to spin off into a whole series of to-do’s I never did, or finished. Sheesh. I had a productive day, though. The house looks better, finally. Kinda sorta. At least it looks better to me. I had paperwork to do and that is actually 90% finished. Last night I watched half of an hour-long podcast on creativity. I say watched–actually I half watched while I was sorting through papers on my desk, and even then, I managed only 30 minutes before I had to stop and give my full attention elsewhere. One of the questions the speaker was addressing was what stops you from creating? Several of the online participants said time, in one fashion or another. Yeah, me too. Or the sense that creativity is the reward after chores are done, which of course they never completely are. We have talked about this before, I know.  But somebody said something that I heard in a different way, somehow, and that was the phrase, Permission Slips. Give Yourself Permission. I remember permission slips–they let you go on field trips. I feel as if we have one coming at the end of the month. A Permission Slip. A Field Trip. I like the word slip, too — because I am thinking now not of a slip as in slip and fall, and not of the slip you wear under a skirt, but slipping out, slipping away, slipping through. A playful word, slip. Permission Slips. You didn’t fill them out yourself. I mean, you were not supposed to! It was for your parents to do. Your authority figures. The person in charge of you. I get the whole “give yourself permission” as an idea. Just not so much as a reality, ha! So if I came to You and asked You for a Permission Slip, what would You say? What would it say?

The Parent signs the slip. It is already filled out for whatever the permission is being sought to do. So let Me ask you–what would it say? What would you be asking My Permission for?

Oh! Oh. Well, dag, that stopped me in my tracks. Cliche intended. 

Why the cliche?

Because I miss animals. I miss wildlife. I miss being with them for more than a second, or five minutes. I miss being a part of their lives, I guess. I miss foxes. You know I miss foxes. I am going to spend the rest of my life, missing foxes.

Until you don’t.

Until I get over it, you mean.

Oh, no, I don’t mean that at all. You are not meant to “get over it.” Why would I want you to get over such a deep love?

Because it’s over. Because it’s gone.

Do you believe you still have the capacity to love another wild fox? Another wild critter?

Yes, Lord, I do.

Then your love life with the wild is not over. And while you may not see the fox you came to know so well, that does not mean your days of companionship with wildlife are over.

Really? Because I would so love that. Yes, I am eager for moments of connection–but honestly, I have been asking for moments only because–

Only because you think that is all you can hope for now. Moments. Brief glimpses, chance encounters.

Well, yes.

What if I told you your past life with your fox family was a prelude? What if I told you that experience was meant to prepare you for something even greater? Even deeper?

Are You telling me that? Because honestly, I don’t want to get my hopes up just to be disappointed. That would break my heart all over again. It is easier to be walled in, a little stoic.

But that is not honest. That is not who you are. You are so far from walled in and stoic.

God, being vulnerable, even to Your earth, it hurts, sometimes. 

And it is wildly joyous, too.

Yes, wildly joyous. That is why I miss it, I guess. 

What is happening with your little feral kitty?

Oh my goodness, she is hardly feral anymore! She lets me pick her up, she purrs loudly like a kitten, she nuzzles against me, she nuzzles against our Sheltie, it is amazing, the change in her.

Your love did that. Your trust did that. I have told you before, call the wild. Call them to come to you.

God, I called Freddi. I did. I called and walked and drove and called and wrote her a song and called some more. And she never came. I didn’t even see Patches!! I would love to meet Patches. If I can’t have Freddi, can I have Patches? I say that and then my shoulders slump. I’ve left Nags Head, left their territory. They didn’t leave me, I had to leave them. So what can I say about that? What can you say about that? What can anyone say about that?

Don’t fret, and don’t cry. Let Me restore the lost years. I happen to be very good at restoration.

Ha, yes Lord, yes You are. 

So let’s see that Permission Slip one more time.

Okay. Here goes. It says, I give Eve Turek permission to spend time outdoors creating another relationship with a wild fox family.

And you would like Me to sign that?

I would. So much. I know You could…You can do anything. 

I Am going to sign this slip for you. But before you go, I have something else for you. It is a whole booklet, a packet, of Permission Slips. Each one is pre-signed, by Me. Each one has your name at the top–

I Give My Child Eve Permission To…

and each one has a blank space for YOU to fill in.

Pre-signed?!? How can You do that?

Because I know you, I watch you, I trust you. You aren’t going to be selfish or foolish or hurtful with these slips. If anything you will try to overwrite your name with someone else’s, and give your blessings away. But these are written with indelible ink. These are for you.

God, the longer I hold on to these slips, the thicker the packet becomes. It is literally growing thicker in my hand by the second, as I am thinking about what these might look like. 

Yes, these are for your lifetime. You need a lot of slips, yet! There are a lot of field trips to come, a lot of adventures to have, a lot of books to read–and write–still in store. You are always asking for permission, even if you don’t ask aloud. So I want you to settle this in your heart, and this is a way you can do that. My Answer to you is Yes. The Answer is Yes; what is the question? Because I know who you are, and how you ask. So go live some Yes! Take My Permission and run with it! See where this leads you. The world awaits, and a beautiful, wondrous, alive world it is.

Wow, God, Permission Slips!! Thank You! 

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Exit Here

I had a good day, really, but now I am tired. So what do I do? I drink a cup of coffee. Because I need to be awake, alert and at least somewhat productive, and I’ve got four hours or so ’til bedtime. I’ll relax, kinda-sorta, watching tv for part of that time. But my brain, God, it never stops. It never really rests. So more than my body, can we talk about my mind? I told a customer once about how my brain works, how busy it is all the time, almost like a pinball machine, making connections, synthesizing this with that, and in all seriousness he asked me, so do you take medication for that? I was almost offended! NO! I said, in probably a louder voice than maybe I should have. It’s my brain, I said! Sometimes I like how it works. But sometimes I do wish it would sit! stay! Like a puppy, like training a puppy. I guess that is what mediation is partly for, training your brain to sit, stay. Right?

I made the human brain to think. There is a difference between thinking and over-thinking, between planning and worrying or fretting. Here is a question you can ask yourself–how many times have I covered this same ground, mentally? If you were walking or driving instead of thinking, would you be saying, wait a minute, I passed this same exit half an hour ago! I am back here again, I have made no forward progress! Sometimes that is a very good thing, as it signals you have more work to do to resolve something inside. But if you find yourself passing the same exit over and over and over, then it is a signal there is a deeper issue involved.

Lord, years ago my pastor said, if you find yourself over-reacting to a seemingly small or relatively harmless situation, it is a sign that it is a trigger, relating back to something deeper.

Yes, that was wisdom from him. The same can be true of your worrying. Or your over-planning. Or your second-guessing decisions. Try to get at the source of the repetitive thoughts. Are you accusing yourself, telling yourself information that isn’t correct?

Like what?

How about, you are lazy. Nothing, nothing could be further than the truth. Or what about, you are not doing enough. Again, untrue. You repeat other phrases too. Why don’t you jot some of them down here.

Here? Now?

It might help you. Get them out of your head and down on the page.

Well, I know I say I’m tired when I am actually other things beyond tired. Like upset, or scattered, or…frightened. When I feel pressure closing in and I don’t know what to do, what decision to make. So I say I am tired when I mean more than that sometimes. 

Go on.

Well…gosh, this is harder than I thought. I say, no one cares what I think. I say that a lot. I guess I have said that, a lot, for a very long time.

And now that it is in black and white, staring back at you, what is your reaction?

It’s not true. It is very far from true. Lots of folks love me, and lots of folks actually do care what I think. Some care because they care about me, my thoughts matter to them. Others care because they look to me for my opinion on things. Gosh, it really is the opposite of what I say inside.

So here is what I want to say about that. You just wrote, “what I say inside.” How do you know, why do you believe, I Am speaking with you now?

It is a little hard to explain but I feel as if I know Your voice now. I know the calm and the peace I feel when You start talking. I can come agitated, and You always, always calm me. It’d be like asking me how I know it is Pete on the phone–of course I know. I know his voice from all other voices.

Yes, this is true. So how do you know this is you, in your head, accusing you?

Oooh, that is almost scary, like someone else, not me, not You, is thinking in my head? Is that what you are trying to say? I don’t like that thought at all!

I Am not saying this in the way you are imagining. But you have, most humans have, a stronger memory than you think, especially of your formative years. You internalize many messages spoken aloud, or even with non-verbal clues. Much of your opinion of yourself comes from those early years. We have been talking much lately about play, about perfectionism, about rest. All of these trace back to your early school years with their roots. What I Am saying is, these repetitive thoughts you have, especially those that accuse your character, your stamina, your diligence, your love, your commitment, even your ability to make and keep a commitment, all of these stem from ways you were treated or words that were spoken in your earlier years. If the words came from authority, they had more impact yet. Young children tend to trust the messages they are given. The young of all species are hard-wired to learn. One important difference between animals or birds and humans is that animals and birds give their young consistent messages designed to maximize their ability to survive and thrive. Oh, would that were so with humanity! What a different world you would inhabit! Much of My trying to teach you My voice is to help you discern the difference between My voice and My words and all other voices that have ever spoken to you, including your own. Now here is a promise. Just as you learned to copy and imitate other voices and behaviors when you were very young, including words and thoughts detrimental to you now, so you have the ability to learn and imitate My Voice, My Words, and My Thoughts. Not only can you learn new facts and new skills and new information, you can learn a new way of being with yourself in this world. THAT is what will, once for all, destroy within you the power of fear, worry, anxiety, stress, drivenness, striving to be perfect, trying in fact to be anything that you are not–and all the outworkings of all of that in your life, your health, your finances, every realm you can think of. You can look to Me for an honest, realistic assessment of who you are, and who you can still yet become. You can turn down the volume on any voice that speaks out of your past, while you seek My wisdom about its truthfulness.

So the next time you catch yourself passing the same mental exit ramp, thinking no one cares what I think, or I have to try harder, why don’t you deliberately exit? Don’t go around the loop again. Get off that road. Remember what I Am telling you now. Take the exit marked, My True Self. Let’s continue to explore that road together. It is more beautiful and more wonderful than you have been led to believe.

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Stone of Seeing

I’m gong on a journey, and…that is what another move feels like. That combination of excitement, some fatigue, a little apprehension. Every day a journey, and I think that sums up how I approach every day, actually. And when I say it that way, I see “a little apprehension” as a disconnect. A feeling of but-what-if that is peering ahead at possible negatives. So, God, what is a better response? Not foolhardiness, obviously. Not neglecting wisdom or discernment.

A better response? How about faith. Faith says, “I don’t know the future but I have confidence that…” So, how would you complete the sentence?

Me? Now? Well, I have confidence that You are with me, and that You are guiding me, guiding us. I am still making choices but I can choose from a position of being guided–and that guidance, it’s based on values more than on specific outcomes, I just realized.

Yes, if you are leading with Love and following Love, then you are on a good path. Faith reminds you also that you are not alone, you do have companions.

So…Faith doesn’t guarantee a specific outcome?

Faith guarantees an ultimate outcome but leaves room for life. And that sentence can be read in so many ways! Some read it to mean, a future bliss and plenty of trouble and suffering now. Some read it to mean, God is interested only in the hereafter but the here and now is all up to us and our own effort. What I Am trying to help you understand is this: Faith is not a magic wand. It is more like a Seeing Stone. Faith can help you pick out a path based on the direction you want to walk. You have chosen to walk in Love, now. In Peace, now. And you long to walk in Joy, now. You have chosen to walk Connected, now. Leaving room for life means that you retain the power of choice–and that you remain open to the surprises you like to call serendipity or synchronicity. Faith does not demand a lockstep, predetermined, predestined pace or path. Faith is more interested in relationships than anything else.

So what is the ultimate outcome? Heaven?

The ultimate outcome is full union with Me, yes, as Love Eternal, Love Incarnate, Love Undying. And the ultimate outcome is My Will, manifest. That is true Manifest Destiny. Everyone is destined to be loved completely, sooner or later, here or in eternity. Blessed are the ones who can embrace this reality now. Their lives are easier, not because nothing hard ever happens to them, but because they are companioned through everything.

So, Lord, when I say, I am led by You, what does that mean, exactly? From Your perspective?

It means I view you as a seeker, a seeker of good, a seeker of the highest, best, most loving life for yourself and for those your life touches, however briefly or long. And since those who seek, find–that is spiritual law–it means that your searching is neither empty nor in vain. It means that when you consider multiple paths and multiple outcomes, you will feel nudges and promptings in just the same way you sometimes sense that there is a photograph waiting, a moment waiting for your presence. So you go, and in fact, there is. You tend to ask out of a heart that seeks to find its place in the larger world, amidst all the other hearts asking or vying for their own spots. You don’t begrudge others their paths; you seek to be true to yourself and find the path most in line with your values and your longings to give.

That’s true.

So that kind of commitment inevitably draws to itself the appropriate match, in circumstances, in opportunities, in people. What you have to give matches what the larger world needs in very specific ways and times and circumstances, like the pieces of a puzzle fit together. It doesn’t have to be hard. Your peace and your discernment tell you when something is not a good match or no longer fits.

That is true, too. 

So that is what being led is like. I see and hear and observe and feel your heart. Sometimes I sense when your thought is out of line with your heart. It is those times when you feel most disconnected from yourself, from life, from others, from Me. You think I have withdrawn but I Am actually drawing even closer, in human terms, in those moments, at the ready when you turn and seek once again with your heart. That is why Faith is like a Seeing Stone. You seek, and then you see. And that prompts deeper and wider seeking and seeing.

Thank You Lord. I think I understand a little bit.

Don’t worry too much about “understanding.” True faith like true peace is beyond the understanding. Just go with what you feel and what you know. Don’t worry about pitfalls or rockslides. Your discernment will let you know when it is time to change course.

Like this move, Lord! Talk about synchronicity and serendipity! I say, it seems as if we are being led…and it is true, I felt it. I sensed it. And then I heard it, in my heart. And then the door opened in circumstance. And then literally!

You can trust your feelings. There is an entire body of teaching in the church that says you cannot, that your feelings are unreliable at best or evil at worst. I gave humanity feeling and emotion. It is a GIFT, not a curse. Use this gift as you would use any other gift, in the service of Love, and you will never regret your choices.

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Follow the Leader

Leadership. Ah, there’s a word. Lord? I am uncomfortable with that word. Why? I think I believe attention will require me to defend my…position, decisions, beliefs, and I don’t know how to. So I keep quiet and hidden. I need to realize that just because others disagree or are louder than me, that does not automatically make them right and me wrong.

Instead of thinking about information, and amassing a great amount of facts to prove your position or at least to explain the validity of it, think about Love, think about relationship. You can say, I am choosing this path, this way of being in the world, and here is an open invitation to walk alongside me on my journey. I am not looking for a leader, or a counterpoint opinion. I am settled in my decision.

A quiet way, Lord. That’s a quiet way.

Strength doesn’t have to shout. Strength just is.

God, I think a lot of my discomfort stems from the dinner table, growing up. I understand more now, but at the time, the constant debate, and Dad’s need to be right, meant somebody had to be wrong, and somebody was me. It was hard, especially when I had facts to back me up. Are You saying the facts don’t matter?

I Am saying something beyond facts is at stake here. People typically don’t commit their hearts and lives on a set of facts alone. You discern correctly now that your dad, for example, was motivated by something beyond facts, and that was the effect of his own childhood and feeling inferior to his older brothers. A true leader, just like the best teacher, inspires by character, and strength of heart, not rote words–especially not rote words spoken loudly or in anger. That is why Scripture says Jesus surprised so many of the so-called leaders of the day, because He taught with authority.

Isn’t authority knowing you are right?

Do you remember the example you heard years ago, about the difference between power and authority?

Yes, sort of. Something like, a Sheriff had both power and authority–the power was his gun and the authority was his badge.

Yes, and in the best of cases, the authority of the badge would be enough. If authority is respected, there is no need for raw power.

So, Lord, that brings up the question for me–which are You? I mean, You have power. You have authority. When do You use one or the other?

Here is a better question–what do you think motivates Me most?

I would have to say Your Love does. Right?

Yes, exactly. So both My Power and My Authority flow from and are sustained by and expressed through My Love. There are many times I could act from sheer Power, but I refrain, because Love dictates otherwise. There are times that I could thunder with authority, silencing other voices with My Wisdom and My Knowledge, but I remain silent–not out of obstinacy but out of an understanding born of Love’s wisdom that says sometimes humans need to come to the end of their own understanding in order to have an open mind for a greater Truth.

So, You…

So I do what I Am counseling you to do–invite others to walk alongside. Folks can learn a lot by spending time in My company. Folks can learn a lot by spending time with you, too. Your being willing to share yourself, to share your heart and the convictions expressed through a loving life, that’s leadership. That is the best kind of leadership, the kind that inspires by example. To recap, you don’t have to shout. (Please don’t, it doesn’t become you.) You don’t have to persuade (I would much rather you have heartfelt conversations than academically styled debates). You don’t have to coerce anyone to adopt your position, on anything–even Me, even My reality. Just live your life As If. As If I were real, and an integral part of who you are and all you do–which is exactly what you are doing now. Keep doing what you are doing. That is all the leadership I could ask for you to model.

So I don’t have to try to prove You exist.

Oh, little one, no wonder you feel you must keep quiet. All you can do is model what faith looks like in your experience. That’s it. That’s the invitation. That’s the premise. And for you, that’s also the reality. But it is not provable in any scientific or rhetorical sense. It is only experienced. So share your life. Let the curious find their own experiences. That is the only way faith is made real–by experience. Otherwise, it is merely what we started this conversation with, information and facts without any heart, without any power or authority to comfort, to strengthen, to heal, to encourage, to guide; in short, without any Love.