Month: June 2018

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Relationship

Lord, it’s morning. I slept weird. Please, please, please, what would You say?

You don’t have to beg. I’m right here. I never moved.

But…

But what? You think your only value to Me is as a servant? As a scribe? What about Love? What about, I love you. Not, I love what you are doing for Me, which is the same as saying, I love Me–but, I love you.

That’s why I want you to stop picking your fingers–I love your fingers, I love everything about you. I made the little quirks that make you who you are. I’m proud of you, I bless you and I love you. I’m for you, I’m with you, I’m in you. And then, last, I’m through you. You’ve reversed the order. The order is important. It’s progressive in understanding and experience and maturity. I Am not looking for servants, but friends, remember? Friends share with one another. Friends talk things out.

Friends ask, what can I do to help? Friends hear your need and offer solutions, just like your friend did yesterday, and just like you did, in your last conversation. Let Me be your Friend again–the One you can tell anything to, the One with helpful advice. Not just your Lord, which for you is a loaded word that segues into Master and which puts distance between us. Ours is a different relationship.

I came to earth in part to model that different relationship and in part to encourage different types of relationships between humans, relationships based on an idea of equality as Children of One God. That is why Paul could write, there is neither male nor female, Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, for all are one in Christ Jesus. He was trying to point to the equality and worth of every human being. In that society, free Jewish males were at the top of the food chain. Slaves, non-Jewish “gentiles” and females were at the bottom. In your society, there are similar distinctions. Landed white property owners became the Free. Workers, even non-slave workers, became the servant class.

Master/servant, boss/worker, free/not-free is pervasive, all around you. You still struggle with believing this duality is from Me, when I came to abolish it once and for all.

You have been and continue to be a “good and faithful servant.” But I want more. Go sit by your Pete and come and sit stream side with Me. Let’s renew our vows; let’s be more than Lord and servant. Let’s be Friends. Let’s Love one another. That is the foundation for loving anyone else, you know. You love Me–now receive My Love, in all its manifestations and gifts.

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The Sun Also Rises

So I’ve talked about the shop, the business, which I do a lot. Can I, may I, can we, You and I, talk about our country? God, we are so different. So diverse.

I chose 12 Disciples for a reason; actually, for many reasons. One reason was to ensure that among My followers were represented different walks of life, different points of view, different backgrounds, different talents and expertise.  What united them was each one’s individual commitment to Me, and their willingness to–gradually for some, more suddenly for others–be transformed into a team with common core values and common goals. Your nation has forgotten its founding and its foundation. You can celebrate and honor diversity while maintaining common values. What did St. Paul write?

There are varieties of gifts but One Body and One Spirit giving those gifts. Something like that.

What else?

That each part of the Body is necessary. No one part can say to another, I have no need of you. Oh! And when one part of the Body hurts, the whole Body hurts.

Yes, that is what your country has forgotten. It is what humanity as a whole has forgotten, not only in America, but all around the globe. It is what the Church has largely forgotten as well. Each seeks his own instead of seeking to be his or her own part in contributing to the health and beauty of the Body as a whole.

So God, there are some folks who say, in effect, oh well, things are getting worse just like God said they would, as if, I don’t know, as if we are supposed to just accept that. As if there is nothing anyone can do. As if it doesn’t even matter. So what can one person do?

You can stand. You can speak. You don’t have to shout, necessarily, although some may be compelled to shout. For your part, which is what you are really asking, your challenge is to not lose heart, not lose hope.

It’s hard, God.

I know, little one. But think of this–look out your window. Is the sun shining?

It is, Lord. In fact, it’s the solstice. The first day of summer. The longest day.

So as long as the sun rises on your world, this is your evidence that you are still called to love, called to pray, called to give, called to believe. Work while it is still day, as Scripture says. The Light is not vanquished–and remember what I said when despair threatens you. Light shines in darkness and the darkness will never overcome it. So Shine! Brighten the corner where you are!

Ok. But, God?

Yes?

What about those children? I know this whole situation breaks Your heart. You Who said, let the little children come to Me. You held them, and blessed them. Can You help us come to our senses, come to a place of compassion, and at the least, whether asylum is granted in individual cases or not, please reunite parents and children? And please heal their little minds from the trauma they are experiencing now, from the separation? We treat rescue dogs better than we are treating these little ones.

The anguish and angst you are feeling right now is just a tiny fraction of what I Am feeling. Do you remember, Jesus wept? Not only over Lazarus. Jesus wept over Jerusalem, too, lamenting. How often I would have gathered you under My care, like a chicken gathering her chicks, but you refused. This is just one more example of that refusal.

You see, Jesus still weeps. Yes, I the Lord God Almighty, still grieve. I weep with those who weep. I grieve as individuals reap crops of bitterness and hatred and prejudice and war. My grief will not end until humanity’s grief ends.

Be assured I Am working and calling every day, calling each one to come Home to the best of humanity, to come take their places in the Light, to commit to a life of Loving. You cannot love God and hate your neighbor. So the first wave of change must come from those who say they love Me. Don’t pray just for your political leaders. Pray for this who call themselves Mine–no matter their style of worship. Pray that they will actually and accurately manifest My Heart. Call to the North, the South, the East, and the West. Call all My People to rejoin the Team of Loving Compassion. You know how to Call. Call forth Peace, call forth Love, call forth Justice, call forth Compassion, call forth Unity. You see, there is much good you can do, with a simple heartfelt Call.

Thank You, God. Thank You, Lord. Thank You. 

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Breaking Point

I am going to be, not exactly (I hope) taking a break from blogging here as much as uploading less frequently than daily.

The time commitment of running the shops in the summer, particularly on nights I close, is making the process of doing daily entries suddenly a strain on my most important earthly relationship, that with Pete. I didn’t realize how much it upset him until earlier this evening.

I know God knows my heart. While my talking with Him certainly won’t diminish, I cannot promise what I started out promising in my initial understanding of this blog: that it would be a daily posting of our conversations, in hopes of prompting readers to begin dialogs of your own.

I admit, too, that I have felt lost this evening, wondering what to say, or if to say anything at all. But I have more than 1,100 of us signed up to subscribe now. So I owe you the full truth.

I will post again as I can.

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Come Apart

Thank You, God, for the sunshine today. Initially I heard a forecast for another in a series of gloomy days, and my heart lurched for our visitors. They work so hard, they wait so long, they have this tiny window of “beach,” of “vacation” and I just want their time to be special for them. And for that, we need at least some sunshine. So I asked You for it, for them. That meant slower sales today, which in turn meant we got other tasks done in the shops, and I came home after day shift in that state of glad-tired that accompanies accomplishment. 

Now I am looking ahead at a genuine day off tomorrow, and already I am filling it in my mind. Yes, I have need-to-do’s. But my friend Judy is playing music at the art show being held in Nags Head, and I want to go. I want to put on shorts, maybe a tee-shirt, and wander the booths and listen to the music. Maybe go to the beach in the guise of a visitor myself! 

Lord, I am going to know folks at that show. Not just Judy, I mean other folks. So even though I am out of the shop, I will still be in a public place and living a public life. When You say, Come Apart, is there a “where” involved? Is there a place where I can go and be with You, less interrupted? Is that even possible?

You want to be anonymous for just a little bit. You have a bright heart-light and it shines wherever you go. Let Me lead you tomorrow to places where, although your love and kindness will be evident, you are not necessarily recognized, so you don’t have to engage in long conversation. The goal tomorrow is for you to listen to yourself. Think about Julia Cameron’s Artist Date advice: the idea is not to discern what others prefer, like, choose, or are drawn to. The idea is to tease these choices, these preferences out for yourself. Take your own advice and notice what you notice. Then, again, notice not what you think but what you feel. Then come back here and report in. Remember, I will be with you the whole time. But reporting in will help cement in your memory all you experience and all you feel.

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Full Circle

Oh, Father God! I just “randomly” — but actually I know I was led — picked up an old, old journal. Spring 2012. I’m thumbing through, and reading about writing. About writing more than dialog–which is exactly what You and I have been talking about, six years, six long years later. So on the page I brainstormed titles, I listed possible themes, and then I turned the page. And reading, I turn the page, and I suddenly feel as if I have stepped into a Time Tunnel (one of my favorite shows as a kid, I had a huge crush on James Darren) and I am somehow suspended there, or that my former self and my current self are meeting in these pages. I am reading back and it is as if I am reading what I wrote just days ago, not years ago.

Here it is: Lord, I’ve always wanted to write fantasy, I suddenly realize, because in fantasy things work out. (Current Note: Like Eden!!) You can envision a world where magic happens, and sets to rights. Where ordinary people receive gifts of power and purpose and use them to make a difference in their worlds. Since you’re the crafter of the world, you can make it “work.” You can make it beautiful. You aren’t “naive” — I hate, I admit it, that criticism of myself but what if I embrace it and instead call it was it is, which is Innocence. (The very thing You JUST asked me to write! Not even a week ago, in 2018!) And prophetic. And creative. And cathartic. Aha, a new and blessed way to think about naive. Aha. Thank You, Lord.

Right about then, six years ago, the dogs woke Pete and I stopped writing. The next day I journaled about an early named storm and the several days of rain to come. And then You answered my barely whispered fear, about the storm, about the economy, in words that, again, echo what You told me just yesterday, about Peace:

The world and its circumstances will try continually to pull you off-center. If you can stay in your center with Me, the tug and pull of that will become less and less. Re-magnetize yourself to My Promises and all this tugging and pulling will switch to pushing–to bringing you even more closely aligned with My Will for you life, which can be summed up in one word: blessing. My Will for your life is blessing. Blessing you and through you blessing others. O, little one, do not be afraid. Your path is peace and that means inner peace most of all. I want you to drink from My River of Peace, Deep Peace. Deep Peace of the Running Wave to you. Deep Peace of the Quiet Pool to you Remember the little shell dove on the path at Bodie Island? I Am not scolding you, I Am soothing you. I Am calming you. Maybe you could find something restful, something peaceful, to do today. You smile at that thought, but I mean it.

Lord, I look around and all that fills my thoughts are the need-to’s.

You need to take a deep breath. Maybe you need to journal. Why don’t you write down some things that bring you peace, that are restful and calming?

So good grief, God! Have I learned nothing in six years?!?  And this can’t be a coincidence, either. Six years ago, You talk to me about writing, and then about peace, deep peace, Inner Peace and Calm. And now, You talk to me about writing and then again, about deep peace. So the two are, they have to be connected.

You dialog with Me on the Page, you play and sing, you photograph, you speak, all from a deep inner spring that connects directly to the depth My Spirit provides. It is much like a spring in the natural, that taps into an underground aquifer of purest water. You need to write from this same depth, but you have spent literally years, decades, capping that well.

So, God, again I turn the page and it is all I can do not to cry, because I have been thinking lately about the music, and here come two full pages of dialog, in which I am asking you the exact same questions I have been asking You now. And then I used the word should, as in should I or shouldn’t I do this or that, and You said could, and You said confirmation and a sense of direction. And I didn’t. I didn’t do one single thing written there, in the list of I could. Not one. 

Now do you understand why I spoke the same words again? Gave you the same prompts again? Led you to this exact notebook and these exact pages, to re-affirm to you, once again, you COULD. Not you must. Not you should. But yes, still, you could.

The chance has not passed, passed me by?

Would I be leading you here again if that were so? I Am the God of many, many chances, of many, many coulds. In some ways you are in a stronger position now. You feel too much time has passed. I Who Am Timeless say, your Time is still Now. Always, still, Now. Even, Now. So you could begin. You could begin again.

Full Circle. You just brought me full circle.

Yes, that is what I do.

How many times, Lord?

As many times as it takes.

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Depth

God, I think about everything going on all around me, and it makes me realize all over again, that I need to practice gratitude, I need to take time to write out affirmations for myself, as a reminder. As a commitment. Like this: I am a blessing in my world. My commitment to love and to peace overrides all other agendas, in my shops, in my home, in my family, in all my relationships and encounters. There. Thank You, God. That feels MUCH better. It’s a choice. I need, I need to make good choices.

How would it be, how would it feel, if you spent a day, a whole day, not worrying? Not worrying about Pete. Not worrying about others’ moods or reactions. What if you could spend one entire day worry-free? What would fill your mind? What would fill your heart?

Gee, God, I don’t know! What would fill my mind? Are You saying it’s possible?

Do you think Jesus spent His days worrying?

Well, no. Of course not.

So if you can have the Mind of Christ, doesn’t that imply a new way to think? Not just new thoughts, but a new mechanism of thinking altogether?

A new mechanism?

Think for a minute about the ocean, how different it looks depending on the light, the wind, the sky, the time of day, whether there is fog–yet in all those appearances, the ocean is still itself. Sea life still teems beneath its surface.

Yes.

So much of what you see and think when you think “ocean” is, literally, on the surface. The same is true when you look at those around you. You see the surface-conditions and I see the heart. I see the depth and you see, mostly, the shallows.

So, Lord, what do You see when You look at me?

I see complexities of longings. I see multiplicities of gifts. And at the surface, I see you still settling for much less than I want to give you, and give through you.

But. There’s a BUT. I can feel it.

You are trying hard to maintain calm at the surface. If you can ever fully embrace calm at your depth, which is to say, to live from My assurance that all is well, then your surface calm will be a reflection of the calm and peace within. The BUT is, you are trying to live this backwards. You think you can project or engineer an outward calm by force of will and it will somehow penetrate inside you. Go deep, find peace there, and you will find within all you need to go long.

To go long?

Yes. To live out your days in genuine peace, in the Peace that passes understanding, in the Peace that does not waver or falter. In My Peace.

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Art Journaling

I had a good day today. I did relax–I worked for a couple of hours in my art journal, which is creative, intuitive, spiritual and sometimes prophetic. The pages soothe my mind and soul when I cannot be outside, and today, though the weather was pretty enough, I felt I needed to just stay put at home. That decision meant I could also do some necessary mundane chores like laundry, and I was also available here if Pete needed me as he began to slowly make sense of the I-have-no-idea-where-anything-is that was his frame shop at the Nags Head gallery. The banner accomplishment for him today was to hook up the computerized mat cutter and determine that it handled the move admirably and is cutting nice straight sharp lines, as a mat cutter should. I know he is relieved about that. Then we sat in our swing for about an hour in late afternoon, just a-swinging. Really a perfect day.

I am always amazed when I sit down with my art journal and just let myself respond to whatever catches my interest. I thumbed back through pages I had collaged over the past couple of years. I tend to combine imagery and words in these pages. Sometimes I know exactly what I mean when I create them, and sometimes I have no idea why THIS should go with THAT. But later, the pattern I chose seemingly at random makes more sense. One thing I spotted on a page today was a pendant with an uplifting word. We wound up ordering something very similar from an American artist when we went to Philadelphia last February! I did not consciously recall putting that image on one of my pages, but it was there to remind me to pay attention to everything that tugs at my attention, however lightly. Whispers can mean as much as shouts, sometimes even more.

You are learning to listen to the Still Small Voice. Sometimes that Voice is My Own Voice, wooing you. And sometimes the voice you hear is your own. You have tended to devalue that voice, many times. But I find it precious. I Am glad you are beginning to listen to yourself and count your own thoughts and words as valid.

Lord, that reminds me. I had another sudden insight several days ago. I was thinking about how we humans do like to rank order. We put ourselves first, or last, or somewhere in the middle. And as I was thinking, I saw in my mind’s eye a vertical line, just a straight line, as if it were made up of humans, as if humanity were arranged in some sort of ladder-fashion. Who would be at the top and bottom? Where would each person fit in? We tend to think in all those terms. But then suddenly I saw instead a horizontal line, as if all of humanity were strung out like that old Cola commercial, holding hands, standing shoulder to shoulder. No rank-ordering. Every single person as important as the next, but each one an individual. And in that instant I realized, that is how You see us. All of us. Each of us and all of us and all at once. Not rank-ordered, but as individuals, and yet essentially a part of the whole, as You said the other day. No missing pieces. It was beautiful, actually, what I saw. 

More and more you are seeing the world as I see it and as it views itself. Which is reality, you wonder. The paradox is, both offer views of humanity that are realistic. Yet only My View is sustainable. The usual world’s view of itself is doomed to failure, sooner or later, because it is not based in Love. Any view not based in Love will eventually lead to an absence of all the other virtues, like Peace or Goodness or Kindness or Justice or Faith. You have the ability to hold both views at once, and to work and pray to help the view I see become truer and truer in your experience of reality. That is really all you can do, and it is hard work at times. But for all those who wish to work for Peace and Love and Justice, holding My View of the world is essential. So the next time you are tempted to become impatient in line, or while on the road driving, remember how I see all of you. No one of you is more important–or less important–in My Eyes. Each of you is fully and completely Loved by Me. That does not mean I Love or Approve of everyone’s individual actions. Far from it! Love demands an honest scrutiny of motive and means, and humanity falls far short of Love most of the time. You see, it is My Love that sustains the Universe. Never mind some don’t accept that reality; that is the truth.

That reminds me suddenly of some old joke, God, or something. How did it go?

What you are trying to remember is this. All humans may not believe in Me, but I believe in all humans. And that is humanity’s grace and your hope.

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Solitude and Service

God, I had an aha moment today. A friend halfway around the world and I were texting–have I thanked You lately for the technology that, first, allowed us to find each other after 40 years, and second, allows us to so easily keep in touch–anyway, we were texting and she asked me if I am an introvert. And I replied that yes, I am. Here is, basically, what I said to her, what led up to my eureka. 

I love people, I said. I love talking to people, getting to know folks, sharing with them, and I think I am a born storyteller. HOWEVER, all that being true, it is also true that I recharge in solitude. That is, in solitude deliberately spent one-on-one with You, and preferably, outside. I need time and space, I said. I need alone time precisely to fill up again so that I can go back into the world and give out, give-away. And then, depleted, I need to go back into solitude to recharge, and be able to go back to my public life. Finally, I noted that I always feel as if I need to apologize for wanting alone time, for feeling that I need it, and I don’t know how to really ask for what I want, what it seems I need.

Then I said how this whole conundrum reminded me of something Richard Rohr wrote about Jesus, how Jesus needed His time alone in communion with the Father in order to go out into the world and minister. That was my aha moment. If Jesus needed time “alone” — meaning, not with the crowds but not even with His disciples either — then surely it is okay if I do. No wonder I feel out of balance, or unrested. I am not honoring the process at all! It was exciting, actually, to have a door of understanding swing so easily open. What is not so easy is trying to explain it to all the people in my life who rely on me for so many different things–or whose life experience or personality is different enough from mine that they genuinely have no frame of reference to understand what I need, or why I need it.  So what would You say about that?

Richard Rohr goes on to write about creativity, about the need for solitude and recharge time as well as time immersed in the world for creativity to flourish. That is certainly true of you, and it explains why you feel stymied creatively much of the time. What I told you recently about healing and restoring the part of you that is a writer is tied directly to this need you have to both go within and without. This is the Way to find your path within prayerful solitude, the path that leads directly to the making a difference you so passionately want to do, in your world. It is a circular sort of path, not unlike a labyrinth, in that you will constantly be circling back through solitude and out into the world, as long as you remain committed both to Me and to the calling you sense so strongly, to share. You have thought these were opposites instead of two essential halves making up a whole, a whole life. Instead of either/or, this is another both/and, and the combination makes The Third Way. It is not selfish of you to need time alone; it is essential. I made you for this. Let that sink in. I made you, as you are. I made you to need, to crave, time apart, and I made you to long to give to others. Let the war within you cease now. Embrace the totality of who you are, who I have made you to be, and be. Be fully, deeply both/and.

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3:30

After a decent night’s sleep, I woke up thinking about the period, a couple years back, when I suddenly seemed unable to wear a watch. Any watch. No matter what watch I put on, it would stop running. Take it off, lay it on the nightstand, and it would start again; put it back on, and it would stop. I met folks with similar experiences and we chalked it all up to something in our bodies’ electrical systems, or our salt balances, something. There had to be some explanation. Privately I thought maybe it was You trying to get my attention, to slow down maybe, or to give more heed to how I spent my hours. Whatever the cause or message, I finally found a watch I could wear and it kept time perfectly for at least 18 months. Until it didn’t. That very morning, the morning I woke up remembering how I stopped time, I reached for my watch after getting dressed to find it had quit running in the night! What sort of coincidence–or foreknowing–is that? To make the whole situation more interesting, my watch stopped at 3:30. It is a beautiful analog watch, so it doesn’t indicate a.m. or p.m. There it was, standing still at 3:30–which for my entire school life, from 1st through 12th grade, was the end of my school day. That time, 3:30, has always signaled school’s out, and a corresponding feeling of freedom. For 11 of those 12 years, 3:30 meant I could come out of my daily uniform (seniors were exempt) and get into “play clothes.” In earlier years, the day transitioned at 3:30 into a snack and play-time; in later years of course, there was homework to be done, and perhaps after school responsibilities and activities. Now, one of the shops I own has weekday shifts that change at 3:30 pm, as one set of folks ends their opening shift, and another begins what will be the closing shift. I stopped today and got a new battery and my watch is keeping perfect time again. But I just have to ask You–was this a coincidence? Or is there some larger message here, as I suspect?

For a brief period you had a chance to live as I live, Timeless. So much of your life is bound by time and ruled by time rather than by the events themselves.

God, I am suddenly remembering–we have talked about this before–taking a trip on a sailboat in the fall of 1982, and the captain took my watch when I climbed aboard. For this week, he said, you will drink when you are thirsty, eat when you are hungry, and sleep when you are sleepy. I was almost panicky at first. Of course there were no cell phones, so work could not reach me, and in fact, my employer at the time had already recognized my tendencies toward overwork and my need for a break. 

And here we are. Again. Looking together at your tendency toward overwork and your need for a break. How was your playdate?

What playdate? The one You invited me to? Well…I don’t know where it went. I mean, I worked past the end of my shift, for one thing. I didn’t stop at 3:30! So all of a sudden when I did leave, I had stops to make, and it was a hustle just getting them done before I got home for dinner. As it was, I didn’t make the bank, so that had to be put off until today. After dinner I did play my guitar for a bit, not long, but that felt wonderful.

Why did you stop?

I had bills to pay, checks to write. As it was, that took the rest of the evening. I quit about 11:40. I wasn’t finished but I was oh-so-done. And tired. I was tired. I am tired. 

So now you have a couple of days in which you have a choice. You can always find ways to fill your timecard with chores. The chores will always be present. You have to decide whether you are worthy, as an adult, as a responsible, diligent adult, of downtime. Of rest and recreation and play. I Am not going to force it on you, and I Am not going to cause illness if you don’t. But understand this. Your body was never meant to run at a gallop, day after day after day, without resting. Neither was your mind and neither was your heart. Something will eventually give, not as punishment, not because I caused it, but because you are wearing yourself out prematurely. Your battery inevitably runs down. You can prolong its life, you can prolong your life, and the quality of your life, by paying attention to some essentials. Play is an essential you tend to neglect. So why don’t you take another look at your weekend, and truly make it a weekend? Think back to your childhood glee at 3:30, or better yet, at the last day of school, and let’s try to rekindle some of that excitement in your very adult life.

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Play Date

I didn ‘t blog at all last night. I closed, got home at 10, changed, ate a full dinner probably about 10:15 or 10:20 and was in bed shortly after 11. I just couldn’t do it. So what would You say about that? My idea was to try to upload something short, simple, this morning. But. But it is almost 8:30 and I need to leave in 45 minutes. And shower and dress and eat and…well. You get the idea. I open today. So. Can You talk to me quickski?

What you need to know quickski is I love you, I see you, I hear you, I’m with you and I Am so proud of you. Isn’t that what children really need from their parents?

Let Me be Father-God to you today. You are working hard. Let’s fold in a little play-date today, you and Me. How about it? See, you are smiling. That’s better. Now take My Hand and let’s see what sorts of adventures we can have in the midst of your busy workday, shall we?