Oh Very Young

Lord, I feel like I’m missing something, some lesson, some message. Young, transformation, over and over and over. Like a Native American message–look for new growth, give-away to the young so the young can grow. I sort of think it’s beyond that, even.  I mean, that all seems obvious. But what are You trying to say to me?

To the very young, everything is wonder. Every day, every experience is fresh and new. The very young are receptors–they take in everything and learn and grow from all of it. Everything has a lesson to teach. They have not yet learned to judge, to sort experience. They are curious but not yet wise. Their very openness and wonder are their gifts. True Wisdom retains this wonder. True Wisdom contains this enthusiasm. True Wisdom is not cynical, not jaded. True Wisdom retains the expectancy of Very Young. There is a big difference between “getting older” and “growing elder.”

The Very Young are wide-eyed. Some are timid by nature and some are bold, but all know they are in a larger world, full of possibilities.  Most adults reach a point where they stop. They settle. They stop growing, stop learning, stop expecting anything new or wonderful. Most adults assume, this is it, I’ve reached as high or as far as I can. And they quit there, and begin concentrating not on growing but on maintaining, on not-losing, on not-sliding-backwards. They may have an occasional moment or experience that is beyond the box they’ve constructed and labeled “real life” but those are few. I never asked My Children to “grow up” in this way. I never said, the day will come when I, your Father, will no longer have anything new to show you, give you, tell you, teach you.

Some–you call them visionaries, explorers, inventors–refuse to grow up into this settledness. If not for them, you would, all of you, still be living in the Stone Age.

You already know, which has shaped your believing, a little, a very little, about potential. Don’t stop here. That’s the message. Don’t stop now. Don’t stop, period. In many ways you are already an Elder. But in so many other ways you are a Beginner. You have received that word as a negative rather than as the positive it is, in Me. You are remembering emotions surrounding the phrase “starting over” as loss. Starting over–after losing a relationship, after losing a child, after losing a job…going backwards…you have tremendous sorrow, tremendous grief, tremendous energy of loss, of defeat, around the thought of beginning. That is the source of your mixed emotions right now.

There is a lot that no longer fits for you, a lot more than you’ve been willing to admit or acknowledge. I want you to explore that with Me. Be honest, here. What no longer fits? What relationships no longer fit? What beliefs? What patterns? If you were moving into “smaller to grow larger” emotional space, mental space, what thoughts and feelings do you not have room for? What programs do you want to purge from your hard drive so it will run faster?

If you knew you’d remain healthy, and have financial resources, what would you do then? What would change? What would you dare? What would you dream? What would you try? Your largest dreams, selling a few stock photos to an ad agency for a hospital, is so small, I could make that happen in one day! Then what? I Am saying to you, now what? Don’t become “older.” Don’t settle. Don’t “be adult about this.” Be Very Young. Be filled with wonder, be creative, let your imagination take wing. Be Bold.

When The Tide Turns

Lord, it’s as if I have been hearing You say, “When the tide turns.” There’s a moment, right? When it changes? And it might not seem obvious at first but soon, very soon, you can tell it has turned? Are You saying this is it?

I AM saying the tide has turned. You are now in the phase where you are beginning to notice, to see the evidence of the shift. You were thinking just of the challenges of this year, the challenges of a couple years back. I’m saying, this has been a much longer period, financially, emotionally, spiritually. This period of difficulty really began six years, six long years ago, with Patrick moving in that December, with Pete’s fatigue not yet correctly diagnosed, with all that happened in 2011, with having to relocate Yellowhouse, with Pete’s other health challenges.

Here is what I saw, what I know, what I want you to know: in all of that, your heart stayed true and strong, and pure. Did you worry? Yes. Did you fret and fear? Yes. Did you mourn and cry? Oh, yes. Did you turn from Me, or Pete? Did you turn from Patrick? Did you turn from anyone who really needed you? Never. Not once. In fact, your light shone even brighter. Did you have some occasional grumpy days? Yes, but your overall nature stayed sunny and sweet. You did it! You came through the worst drought and low tide period you’ve been through since your early 20’s. Yes, there were blessings, which you received because you were determined to stay in gratitude and be as alert as possible for them.

So if you could receive all those gifts in drought–Meditation and Freddi’s kits, and Moonrise, and Currituck, and your sales increases, and trips west and to Florida and to Maine and to Connecticut, imagine what awaits you on a flood tide!! Think about everything you have received, everything, on an ebb tide. As the tide was going out, flowing away, look at what you received: Pete’s miracle. You reunited with family you thought lost to you. So look for amazing bonds and connectedness on the flood.

Part of flood for you will be the publishing piece. for now, create the body of work. Just create it. Write the stories, lay out the books. The music will flow in this era too.

 

Mapping the Journey

Lord, can You help color in the picture of my life, Eve’s life, being of maximum effect for You? For Your kingdom? I keep coming back in my thought to all You’ve said. I feel a little like a kid playing with the box and not seeing what the amazing thing inside can do!

At least you are playing, you’re engaged—that’s a start. Once play is more comfortable, more of an automatic response, more possibilities will occur to you.

Oh. Oh, okay.

You’ve had such narrow thoughts about ministry. Those thoughts have been very much like playing with the box. They’ve boxed you in and now You are hearing Me calling you to “live outside the box.” What I really mean by that is, take the essence of what once was for you within the box, and live it in the world. Remember your old lyric: “I want to tell all the people I know that they can touch You, Lord.” That’s what I want, too, for you, for your life.

Lord, sometimes I think I’m missing the point and sometimes I think, is this it, this life I live, this is the point. Then I feel this weird combination of feelings, a cross or a mix between relief (it’s ok, I’m doing ok, I’m not disappointing You) and disappointment with myself because this life seems of such little effect compared to

Whoa. Stop right there. “Compared to.” That phrase causes so much trouble for you humans. I don’t want you to compare to or compare with. No one else’s life or experience is to be your mirror. I Am holding your believing mirror. Let Me fill in the map, not of where you have already been, but where you are going. I do want you to have a sense of what, and when. I want you to have Joy in the Journey, and part of that is anticipation. Vision Quests are meant to give vision! I’m not asking you to live in fog. I Am asking you to look to Me and My words to you for your path, your clear path. So let’s define for your life what “maximum effect” is. You’ve been trying to match that to pieces of others’ lives, like a puzzle. I’m going to give you a brand new picture, a brand new map, for your life. Keywords are Joy, and Connection, and Loving-Kindness—all of which bring Peace, as a result.

Clarity

Lord, I feel like we have both become discouraged, and discouragement is obscuring. Like, like the dangerous aspect of fog.

You need clarity. There is a reason you de-fog your lens. Too much fog and you can’t focus on anything. Then fog becomes like Silence. You don’t want to be deaf or blind. You want to be clear—clear eyes, clear heart, like clear water. You want to reflect Me and My heart through your life.

Oh, God, the Seat of Seeing I want to sit in is Yours. And the One I want to walk the beach with and listen to is You. And if I take myself on a guided meditation and walk a path through the forest and over the footbridge and into the clearing, the One I want to find there is You. Yes, I’d love talking animals and birds to accompany me, of course! Like Narnia! But as Lucy said, it’s You, Alsan. It’s You.

I Am always with you. I will never leave you. Even when you don’t know what to do, what to say, where to go, where to be, I AM. And I AM by your side, and I Am within you. I fill all things—for you that means I fill all circumstances, all situations, with My Holy Presence. Let Me fill your mind, your thoughts. Let Me fill your body with health and strength. Let Me fill your days and your nights. Let Me fill all things in your life with Myself. Let Me be the air you breathe that sustains you moment by moment. Let My Spirit flow through your body like oxygen-rich blood, energizing and inspiring every part of you. You sing praise. You sing hallelujah—not because I need to hear it, but because it is healing for your soul to remember the Song. Fill yourself with Who I Am. Glow—Sing—Blaze. Stand—Walk—Run—Fly—Soar. Lift yourself up as you lift My Name up in praise and thanksgiving. That is the key for you—sing praise.

Sink A New Well

Lord, what am I finishing up today, and what am I beginning or renewing tomorrow? What unfinished business do I need to tend to?

I have already arranged something greater than you could have imagined. You don’t have to figure out how about anything. Put your considerable intellect at the service of incredible inspiration. That is another way to say, let your heart lead. You have been living way out of balance, trying to analyze everything and stuffing down your feelings and fears. You need to live in heart and vision. What did I ask Jeremiah? “What do you see?” That is My question to you, spiritually and creatively. As a photographer and as a person, Eve, what do you see?

“Open the eyes of my heart” needs to be your prayer. “Renew my vision, Lord,” is the only now-and-tomorrow prayer you need to remember. You are straining to see through walls and around curves. I have Beauty for you right here. Right now. I don’t want you to pre-visualize; that is not your strength or your gift. I want you to react in the moment to what you see and feel. When I say to see with your heart, come back to your feelings. What do you feel? What emotions are prompted by what you see? How can you convey that emotional response visually, using the scene before you? You already know connection is a keyword with birds and all critters. Ask Me how to receive connecting images in the landscape too—connecting with the land’s voice, or with My Spirit through the landscape, or with the heart of your eventual viewer.

Stop and feel. Let feeling inform your seeing. Allow yourself a wider range of feeling. You might explore feeling frisky, playful, frivolous, mischievous. Think theatrically. Think character and costume and fantasy. Think party and celebration and a good time.

Lord, I keep hearing “playful.”

Yes, I want you to grow younger again. You are not immature but innocent, guileless, trusting, gentle. You are not irresponsible—you are so overly responsible you are literally working and worrying and burdening yourself into an early grave. I have much for you to do, and to see, and to experience and to enjoy—but none of that will happen for you if you continue to drive yourself into the ground. The unfinished business you have today is with you. I want you to unlock the ball and chain you have wrapped around your feet and your hands and your heart. I want you to loose you. I want you to set you free. If I told you that you were totally free, what would you do? Who would you be?

You’ve believed a lie that says you must keep pumping harder when the well is running dry. No, you need to sink a new well.

In the Moment

Being creative takes time. Shucks, even coming here to the page takes time. It gets harder, not easier. I feel I’m straining and rushing. My phone keeps dinging. Distractions. Sorry.

Eve, this is your life. You don’t have great swathes of time. But, please, listen. Neither does anyone else. No one in your field of impact does. That is exactly what makes you—and your work—so impactful, so special. You don’t have weeks and months to write in. You have moments. You don’t have days on end to photograph: you have moments. You don’t have weeks to retreat to put together an album: you have moments. You find Me in the Moments, in the In-Betweens. That is your life and that is your impact. That is your calling: to live a full-on connected life in the midst. Moments in the Midst, the photographer’s way, the writer’s way, the composer’s way. That’s it. That is the “it” you have found so elusive. You have thought you had to wait—to publish, to write polished essays and stories and lyrics, to create a photo book—until you could carve out great expanses of time. But your strength is in the moment. Spontaneity is your strength. Call, and having wildlife respond, is your strength.

List What You Love

I have some time-space in my days. What should I be doing? I keep putting on the brakes and trying to accelerate simultaneously. All this does is rev the engine, waste gas, and create a rut! Or should I just put it in park, take it out of gear? That’s a choice.

What time did I say it is?

You said not to ever doubt my purpose. And when the tide turns…which to me implies the light changing and time to take the foot off the brake, or the car out of park.

You can take your foot off the brake and coast, or drift. That is not the same as driving. And you need to steer as you drive. You need to stay on course. Stay on your main road. This isn’t a race. This is a journey. This is a road trip. You love adventure, you love new places, you love new experiences. You’ve been putting the brakes—for a long time—on what you love. You’re afraid you will only be disappointed. Why don’t you list what you love, starting with close to home.

Learning to see

I have more “space” in my 3-page journal allotment. Lord?

You are learning where your power lies, where your strength is. You are learning the power of gentleness. You are learning where to apply stubbornness. You are learning there is a time to stand. Because of your tendency to reticence, you are learning to carefully consider your words when you do speak. You are practicing awareness and connection–to My Spirit first, to My beautiful world, to others around you.

Somewhere along your path, you picked up the idea that worry was a sign of caring. That you could not care without worry. From there, it was easy to pick up fear, and then, to let those become so heavy that they turned into panic. Hauling worry, fear, and panic, along with their companions anxiety and stress has exhausted you, and robbed you of joy and peace, of hope and vision.

The world has enough doom-and-gloomers. My world needs visionaries–those who see Light, who see reason to hope, who see evidence of My Presence. Hope is the evidence of things not seen–not seen by others. Not seen–yet–by the world. But you see! I’m telling you, you DO see. That is why and how you can have hope. Hope isn’t blind. It is seeing the evidence others don’t see. It is making the invisible, visible. That is what I mean when I say, you are My visionary. That is why the phrase “stubborn hope” has resonated with you so. It is who you are–who I made you to be, not blind, but seeing, and sharing what you see, for Who I Am.

 

Legacy

Lord, what would You say about legacy?

I’d say, dream Big. Vision Bigger. “God has planted eternity in the human heart.” You think that’s small? Try to imagine: I, God, have planted—like a seed—Eternity. In your heart. A perspective that sees no limit anywhere, for anything. A mindset that anticipates miracles, not out of hubris, out of faith. A heart that knows Me, at depth, at breadth, at height, at length. Knows beyond “knowing.” A heart that feels certain. A heart that asks—and walks—in confidence, in assurance. Not out of arrogance, out of the conviction of the infallibility of our connection. A heart that knows I Am God, I Am Good, I Am Lord, I Am Love.

Do you love your son? I, more.

Do you love your husband? I, more.

Do you love the grandchildren? I, more, more.

Do you want the best for them? I, more.

Did your mother and father want the best for you?

Do I want the best for you?

Breathe that in. Release all doubt. Be a Champion. Act like a champion acts. Own it. Embody it. Attract the world to you, to your door. The world will be blessed by the eternity I have planted in you. Own your calling, own My choosing of you. Shine—blaze—you carry My light within you. Fear not the storm. You will spread the Peace.