Category: Strength

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Light So Bright

So, Lord, this has been a roller-coaster couple of weeks, the plunge point being Pete spiking his 4th or 5th fever, I lost count, with two trips to his regular doctor’s office culminating in an ambulance ride to the ER. And he is much, much better now. But. So the hospital ruled out all the seemingly serious stuff, like pneumonia; the doctor’s office swabbed for flu, and that was negative, so it seemed as if he had some sort of virus. Then the hospital called back six days later, and turns out they had sent his urine for a culture, and he had a UTI. Once he started on a new antibiotic, he felt so much better right away, and we have had no more shaking chills, no more high fevers. But. The but is, I was calm during all that, but kind of an inside mess afterwards. I didn’t sleep well, agitated. And now that fatigue has piled up, and I wound up napping today.  I am so relieved this was caught in time, before it became something too serious. But it could have been. And one day, it will be. Just writing that, my heart rate kicks up, I can feel it, and I am breathing more rapidly. I signed up for this–I know that. But it’s hard.

No, you didn’t. Not exactly. No human really ever “signs up” for the loss of someone they love. Remember, Death was–in the ways you experience it–never My idea. I planted a Tree of Life in the Garden, remember? That is why I have transformed Death into a Door, a Door I Myself Am. A Door I Myself walked through in human form so I could transform the Door into a Doorway, A Gateway, into Life.

Remember the vision you had, a couple days ago? Of walking into a Light so bright everything else fades and dims? Hold to that. Hold to that for yourself, and hold to that for everyone you love who has gone–or will go–before you.

You’ve had glimpses of this before, quick visual images. Now I want these glimpses to begin to permeate and resonate in your other senses, too, starting with hearing. You will begin to hear, in your mind’s ear, some of heaven’s music, as you hear My Voice, as you see in your mind’s eye.

In the midst of writing that, I mean, right that second about hearing, I hear my phone ping a message.

Yes, this will be that sudden–and in the beginning that startling. But it is time the Silent Movies end and you begin to integrate sight and sound.

Lord, kitty Barney is all stretched out. So relaxed.

Yes, that is what I want for you, the deep relaxation that comes from deep trust, from knowing all is truly well and you are loved, and cared for.

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Shine

In the shower this morning I was remembering that verse, which we used to sing, the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn; it shines brighter and brighter until the full day. I’ve lived that, as a photographer. Watching the light come. Watching it grow in intensity and reach. And I’ve lived the opposite, which is how a lot of us think about our lives, I think, especially as we age–like the light of dusk, shining dimmer and dimmer until the full dark. But that is not what You said. Like so much of what You say, it is the exact opposite of what I would think. I would think ending and dusk and dark, and here You are, saying beginning and dawn and light. Full Day. So when we do think Full Day, we think Heaven. What I want to know is, what part–or is there a part–of Full Day life, of shining brighter and brighter life, is meant for here and now?

It is all meant for here and for now. The whole idea is, brighter and brighter. The culmination is Full Day, yes–but most people miss the brighter and brighter part. So those people may still have some concept, some idea, some hope, of a hereafter Full Day, but you are correct in thinking that people expect their path to grow dimmer, not brighter, as their bodies and minds age. Imagine for a moment an opposite reality. Imagine as your physical strength begins to diminish, that your spiritual sensitivity and strength ramps up and goes into overdrive. Imagine an acute awareness, a heightened perception, of My Presence, of all that Light and Bright implies. Imagine living in More Love, More Joy, More Peace, day after day after day. Imagine your connection to My Presence with you and within you growing, not dimming. Imagine the reach of your influence as you live your life in such increasing brightness. What you share with others would change. You would, in fact, become what I called My Children to be, what I Named Myself to be–the Light of the World. So your word for today is Shine!

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Foundations

Lord, You know we are in the middle of a nor’easter–an odd nor’easter in that we have no rain, but high surf from offshore winds. States to the north are getting pounded with flooding, and watching at the pier today made me think of what You said about building on sand. Our whole island is built on sand!

Do you know what the difference is between building on sand and building on rock?

Yes, the houses built on sand fall in and the ones on rock stand. That is what the parable says. And the building on rock is shorthand for building on You, on Your Word. On what You say.

Step back a minute. A tsunami wave broadside would shatter even a house built on rock. The key is in the foundation. A nor’easter can pull a sand foundation out from under a house, no matter how well built the house itself is. Its sandy foundation is subject to erosion, whereas a rock foundation is more secure. That is the literal meaning of the parable. People assume the parable means that building your life on principles of faith mean that no tragedy, no hardship, will hit the house. But what it really means is that, no matter what waves come, the foundation–the relationship of a life lived in union with Me, based on My Love–is secure. So let Me ask you a hard question. When Pete was first diagnosed back in 2011, did you blame Me?

No, of course not! I mean, I didn’t believe then, and I don’t believe now, that You caused that.

And you are right. I did not. But was I present to you, to both of you, in and through that?

Yes, you were. That was hard. Losing Patrick, that was in some ways harder, certainly harder on Pete. But You, You were always there. And we had each other.

So the highest waves you two have faced together did not topple your love for one another or your certainty of My Love for you and My Presence with you. You are built on solid rock. You built your lives together on Love, My Love, and your love for each other. Your grief and fear were very real, and you will feel elements of both of those as long as you live together. So it can be said that your house shook, your emotions shook, when those waves came, but your foundation never eroded.

No, and in some odd ways, all of that just made our foundation stronger. I guess because we faced that together. Separately, in that those situations had different effects on each of us, but we still faced it all together. We walked through it separately, together. If that makes sense.

So here is what I want you to remember. There is no wave, no storm, no situation that will pull your foundation out from under you. Not from you, as an individual. Not from you two as a couple. Take that to heart. Really take that in. That will give you peace.

 

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Renewal

God, if I could sit down and have a conversation with You, one thing I would ask You about is renewal. That whole church time. And what You think about all that.

What did renewal mean to you? What did that time do for you? Never mind anyone else’s experience. What was your experience?

Well, You talked to me. That was the huge thing. I’d be there, and we’d talk. I loved that—and before those services, I longed for that connection, to hear You in my heart. It didn’t happen often before that, the whole meditative prayer thing.

And I began with my friend our ministry to the Blackfoot right before that, but we definitely felt led and empowered to go. That was huge. I received physical and emotional strength to care for Mom and Dad in their illness. Over and over I felt, well, renewed. I had new energy to continue in a difficult situation. That was huge.

 And You healed so much earlier emotional brokenness, and that healing opened the possibility of my allowing myself to love someone again—Pete—and to remarry. That was Huge, huge, huge.

So you received healing, and strength, and encouragement, and joy. You connected more deeply with Me, and you were guided by that connection in all sorts of decisions. You felt empowered to speak about Me, and especially to speak about reconciliation, peace, and unity.

Yes.

What makes you think you are not living in renewal right now? You connect with Me here, and in your heart, everyday. You received supernatural strength and miracles when Pete was sick before. Your connection with family up north is a renewal miracle. You speak about Me in a way that encourages reconciliation, peace, and unity, all the time. You are walking, living, breathing a renewed life every day, all the time!

Oh, wow! Thank You, Lord! Wow, that’s great! I can feel You smiling, giving me a hug. I love You, Lord.

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Into the Quiet

It’s Quiet. I mean, very. Lord, what would You say?

What would you say?

Huh?

What would you pour into this safe, round container of Quiet? If you could say anything?

Gosh, it is beautiful, this Quiet. So honestly I wouldn’t want to mar it with any complaint, anything negative. Just gratitude and praise. Just, praise You, bless You, thank You.

I’m telling you, you have a free pass—you can vent—you can say whatever you need or want to…and you are choosing praise? Gratitude? Why?

Because…because I love You, Lord. Because my heart is full of praise, full of gratitude. Because only that seems fitting to pour into this round Quiet. Lord, I’m seeing blown glass, rather the action of glass-blowing, creating a beautiful glass ball. Is this what the Quiet is like? Easily shattered?

What makes glass special is its transparency. It also makes glass vulnerable. It is the fire, the breath, and the water that take the elements of earth and shape them into a container, a vessel, of such exquisite beauty. My fire, breath, and water have made you a beautiful, transparent vessel. Yet you feel vulnerable to the least pressure as if you are in danger of imploding any minute.

Aren’t I?

No. Some glass balls hang high on the tree, way out of reach, but that’s not you. You are more like the Japanese fishing balls that help secure the net—amazingly resilient even in storms, yet still beautiful and unexpected. You, your life, is a surprise! You were, to your parents. You were and are to Pete. And you are, to your world. You have let Me fill you and heal you over and over, and you’ve done it again.

Thank You, Lord. It’s Your Promise, too, I see that. I can feel that.

 

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On The Edge

Lord, why am I fatigued?

 

Seriously? You are asking Me why you are fatigued?

Look in the mirror. Pull back and watch your life as you would watch a movie about someone else. What would you say about the character who is you?

Driven, Lord. I’d say driven. Obsessed, even.

 My word says, Be Still and Know. Not, Be Frantic and Know. You are on the edge of a breakdown and you don’t even see it. You are right at the precipice—physically, emotionally, spiritually. Everyone around you sees it. Who are you trying to prove yourself to? The one with the most stress loses.

 So, Lord, here I am.

And Here I Am. But you have not let Me be I AM, your I Am. You have thought you needed to be I am—and especially for everyone else: I am efficient, I am calm, I am a good friend, I am faithful, I am kind, I am loving, I am creative…and you are all those things. But who, Who, is I AM for you? You ask Me for strength and for wisdom so you can continue to be “I am” for all those people. I want to be I AM for you. You ask Me, what can I do? What can I give? And I keep saying, Receive. Let’s increase the flow in your life. You are trying hard to be the riverbed and the spring. Not out of ego but out of a misplaced sense of duty and obligation, as if you had to prove both your love and your worth. For a little while, the only Believing Mirror I want you to look into is Me, not My Word, which you still interpret through older, poisoned voices, but My Eyes. Let My Eyes become your Believing Mirror. Let Me show you what I see, and what I foresee, what I envision.

First, you don’t generate the power, the electricity, the current—I do. Let Me clean off the terminals, the connections, that have become corroded. My cleansing is gentle and with you consists mostly in removing old layers of fear and guilt and shame which have no place in your life today. They are like barnacles; they slow you down. And when you try to pry them off yourself, they only make you bleed and ultimately suffer more.

 

I did not plan humanity for suffering. I planned humanity for bliss. That is why the goal of Buddhism is bliss; otherwise the goal would be increased suffering which anyone but the mentally ill can see is wrong. Buddhism has it almost all right. Life can be hard because of humanity’s choices, not by My design.

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Gentleness

Lord, the theme or challenge right now seems to be health. I need to remember to be gentle with myself in my thinking. I need energy.

Your secret right now really isn’t Power. You think it is–you think you have to rev your engine and power through. That will actually make you feel worse, physically–and that will make you feel worse emotionally. Your secret today is to coast. Drift. Soak. This is a gentle day–start by being gentle with yourself. Eat gentle-to-digest foods. Treat yourself gently and easily. Catch your breath. Your calm is what attracts most people to you. You have an opportunity to model that calm now.

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Sourced in God

Gosh, God, the schedule…the stress…I need You to help me so I don’t tumble into either burnout or fallout, meaning broken health. What is your solution for me?

You are not responsible for your family’s—your grandchildren’s—your son’s—happiness. All you can be to anyone is a loving inspiration. Be that. Model what a full life centered in Me looks like. Right now you are modeling a full life centered on your own effort and strength—and it’s not working. It’s not working because you—humans—were never meant to go it alone, by yourselves, or even with one another without Me.

You were meant to be Sourced in Me, My input, My watering, My Presence, My leading, My anointing. Sourced in Me each day, with set-apart times for filling up the well on a regular basis. Make Time to be Renewed in Love. Let Chronos become Kairos again. Right place, right time. Right person—you. Take a next step in this journey we are on together. Renew your pledge to live in synchronicity. Let My Spirit guide you.