Category: Provision

Posted on

Barren vs. Bountiful

Lord, I know we just talked about sailing. About sending out dispatches. Today I am seeing this vast field, a field of abundance, of plenty. And part of the plenty is Joy, and part of the Joy is in knowing there is plenty, knowing there is abundance, knowing there is more than enough for everyone. I am at the edge of this incredible field, and I am laughing, because it stretches beyond the horizon. There is so much, so much, and I step in, one tiny person in the midst of Huge, and I am giddy with the impact of the scale of the vastness. I can’t mess it up or ruin it. I can enjoy it and invite everyone–everyone–in. We can all spread out; we won’t crowd each other here. This is a place of provision, of joy, and of delight. I wander nomadic and find within this field groves filled with fruit. Sunny glades. Peaks of piercing beauty. This is like heaven, a feast for each sense. Lord, thank You for this field. Is FIELD an acronym? Something You want to tell me? I can’t figure out the D. What are some good, great D words? Like Decide. Or Devotion. Or Delight, as I just said. L can be Live or Love or Learn or Light. Luminous. Land. D for Day, too. For F I thought of Find. Could be Follow. Could be Faith. Whatever it means, I can still see it, still feel it. F is for Feelings, too. Everyone I have ever loved is here. And “here” they are whole, hence happy. Complete. There is no striving or straining. I can see this exists; is this only afterlife? Is this only a place whose door is death, into this life? I see barrenness now. Is that like our earthly life?

Barrenness is life for so many. They try to scratch out an existence in a void, in a vacuum. The field is a metaphor for what I intended life to be–a continuum, life here on earth in union with Me into what you call afterlife, in union with Me. I never pictured or created or intended the barrenness. I am Creator, not destroyer. I am Finisher, too. When people are living in Barrenness, they haven’t come far enough forward.

Think of the Creation Story differently. Think of it as a metaphor for your awareness, physically and spiritually, with increasing understanding, resources and companionship. There is always an adding-to, a building-on. Think of your life this way. What Day are you in now? The Sixth Day–you see yourself as toiling, as having to toil. It is all here, everything you need, but you think you have to toil for it. That creates barrenness in your thinking and in your heart. Move into the Seventh Day–rest. The day when you enjoy, where your life flows, where it runs like clockwork, smoothly, oiled by My Spirit. Trust My Oversight. You can play in the field. You think you have to bring in great lights and work all night. I mean you to have fun, joy, delight.

FIELD is a place of Fun. Inspiration. Enjoyment–and Enlightenment. Laughter–and Love. Delight. That’s the FIELD. Your tractor–the camera, say–is to help you explore with ease, not exploit, not even engineer. My Field doesn’t need engineering. Just exploring and enjoying. I say again, let Me surprise you. I have  waited, in human terms, a long time for those who will allow Me to delight them daily, to share My bountiful world, to play with Me. I am inviting you to be that someone, one of those someones who can model this lifestyle of freedom from fear, from worry, and from anxiety. Freedom to play and revel and run and laugh. Let your body be covered in butterflies. Frolic. The Field is a place of frolic. Even your rest will be energized, alert and attuned, so there is no more fatigue. I want you to be more than sustained. I want you thriving.

Speaking of bulletins, you get bulletins every day from Barrenness. Pay them no mind; they are in a foreign language. Allow yourself to lose the ability to translate or to understand. Speak in tongues, literally and metaphorically, and learn the new language whose underlying structure is laughter. Live it here. Live it now. You don’t have to wait. You don’t have to be in Ocracoke, or in Florida. You don’t have to be out west. Call it in. Approach everyone and everything with love, and you are filled with love. My Love does not run out, or dwindle, or dissipate, or dim. It increases. The taller you get, the bigger the Field is. You will never outgrow it. Revel and roll like a young child. This is your world. This is your every day, your “this day,” your today. Your now, Now. NOW.

Now? Wow. You have said these sorts of words to me before, Lord. I recognize pieces and parts from years back, even. And I think I hear You, and then I forget. I slip back. I’m sorry.

Just keep your ear, your eyes, and your heart open. I will never stop calling to you, and if you let Me, I will never stop calling through you.

Ok, Lord. Ok. 

Posted on

Promises, Promises

Promises, promises. Lord, that is what we say when we mean the opposite. The sarcastic voice reveals promises not kept. So about four days ago–I had to go back and reread the whole thing–You said You were signing a Permission Slip for me to begin to form a relationship with another wild fox family. So I have to start by saying both Thank You and I’m sorry. Sorry because deep inside I doubted. I doubted I was really hearing You. I doubted, not that You could, but that You would, and for me. I guess this is a human struggle. It is my struggle sometimes, and more than sometimes, lately. Anyway, that was on April 16, thatYou said that. The very next day someone sent me a message about a fox den. And I finally got the chance to go check it out. I was almost holding my breath, driving. And there they were. Baby foxes, doing what baby foxes do. I felt something deep inside just shift, like a sliding door moving aside, sliding open, setting me free, letting the air in, letting me out. I checked again at dusk. Still there! So again. I am sorry and Thank You. What a gift. I am actually–despite all these words–almost speechless. You said Permission. And here they are. Within days. 

What were field trips for?

Enrichment I would say. At least in my school years. We went to art galleries, we went to historic sites, we went to museums. The idea was to augment the classroom book learning with experiencing at some level what it was we were studying.

What else? What else did you just remember?

I had this flashback to middle school and the Science Club. The field trips to the lake bed, to the fossil deposit, to astronomy night, where for the first time I looked through a powerful telescope at the stars. That was amazing.

And where are you going?

In half an hour I meet up with other local photographers and we are going out, in the middle of the night, to photograph the Milky Way! Star shine! 

You see? Permission! A permission slip from your packet. You have permission to go outside, in the middle of the night, and photograph the starry sky.

Thank You, Lord. And God, I am sorry if I doubted You.

You didn’t doubt Me–you doubted yourself, your hearing. Because your longing was so great, you found it easy to imagine perhaps this was all your imagination. One of the reasons we started with foxes is precisely because your longing is so great. I long to meet you at your point of longing. And I long to show you just how connected we are, so you trust that connection more and more. This is one more example, one more experience, one more “faith comes by hearing” you can live out in experience.

Thank You again, God. So much joy. And tonight, when I went, I had a timeframe. I needed them to come out by a certain time. I couldn’t stay all evening. And one minute, literally, one minute before time was up, out they came! Thank You.

Posted on

Permission

I was just wishing I had more of my photos keyworded. Gosh, it would make things so much easier when I am trying to find an old image I never processed. And that prompts me to spin off into a whole series of to-do’s I never did, or finished. Sheesh. I had a productive day, though. The house looks better, finally. Kinda sorta. At least it looks better to me. I had paperwork to do and that is actually 90% finished. Last night I watched half of an hour-long podcast on creativity. I say watched–actually I half watched while I was sorting through papers on my desk, and even then, I managed only 30 minutes before I had to stop and give my full attention elsewhere. One of the questions the speaker was addressing was what stops you from creating? Several of the online participants said time, in one fashion or another. Yeah, me too. Or the sense that creativity is the reward after chores are done, which of course they never completely are. We have talked about this before, I know.  But somebody said something that I heard in a different way, somehow, and that was the phrase, Permission Slips. Give Yourself Permission. I remember permission slips–they let you go on field trips. I feel as if we have one coming at the end of the month. A Permission Slip. A Field Trip. I like the word slip, too — because I am thinking now not of a slip as in slip and fall, and not of the slip you wear under a skirt, but slipping out, slipping away, slipping through. A playful word, slip. Permission Slips. You didn’t fill them out yourself. I mean, you were not supposed to! It was for your parents to do. Your authority figures. The person in charge of you. I get the whole “give yourself permission” as an idea. Just not so much as a reality, ha! So if I came to You and asked You for a Permission Slip, what would You say? What would it say?

The Parent signs the slip. It is already filled out for whatever the permission is being sought to do. So let Me ask you–what would it say? What would you be asking My Permission for?

Oh! Oh. Well, dag, that stopped me in my tracks. Cliche intended. 

Why the cliche?

Because I miss animals. I miss wildlife. I miss being with them for more than a second, or five minutes. I miss being a part of their lives, I guess. I miss foxes. You know I miss foxes. I am going to spend the rest of my life, missing foxes.

Until you don’t.

Until I get over it, you mean.

Oh, no, I don’t mean that at all. You are not meant to “get over it.” Why would I want you to get over such a deep love?

Because it’s over. Because it’s gone.

Do you believe you still have the capacity to love another wild fox? Another wild critter?

Yes, Lord, I do.

Then your love life with the wild is not over. And while you may not see the fox you came to know so well, that does not mean your days of companionship with wildlife are over.

Really? Because I would so love that. Yes, I am eager for moments of connection–but honestly, I have been asking for moments only because–

Only because you think that is all you can hope for now. Moments. Brief glimpses, chance encounters.

Well, yes.

What if I told you your past life with your fox family was a prelude? What if I told you that experience was meant to prepare you for something even greater? Even deeper?

Are You telling me that? Because honestly, I don’t want to get my hopes up just to be disappointed. That would break my heart all over again. It is easier to be walled in, a little stoic.

But that is not honest. That is not who you are. You are so far from walled in and stoic.

God, being vulnerable, even to Your earth, it hurts, sometimes. 

And it is wildly joyous, too.

Yes, wildly joyous. That is why I miss it, I guess. 

What is happening with your little feral kitty?

Oh my goodness, she is hardly feral anymore! She lets me pick her up, she purrs loudly like a kitten, she nuzzles against me, she nuzzles against our Sheltie, it is amazing, the change in her.

Your love did that. Your trust did that. I have told you before, call the wild. Call them to come to you.

God, I called Freddi. I did. I called and walked and drove and called and wrote her a song and called some more. And she never came. I didn’t even see Patches!! I would love to meet Patches. If I can’t have Freddi, can I have Patches? I say that and then my shoulders slump. I’ve left Nags Head, left their territory. They didn’t leave me, I had to leave them. So what can I say about that? What can you say about that? What can anyone say about that?

Don’t fret, and don’t cry. Let Me restore the lost years. I happen to be very good at restoration.

Ha, yes Lord, yes You are. 

So let’s see that Permission Slip one more time.

Okay. Here goes. It says, I give Eve Turek permission to spend time outdoors creating another relationship with a wild fox family.

And you would like Me to sign that?

I would. So much. I know You could…You can do anything. 

I Am going to sign this slip for you. But before you go, I have something else for you. It is a whole booklet, a packet, of Permission Slips. Each one is pre-signed, by Me. Each one has your name at the top–

I Give My Child Eve Permission To…

and each one has a blank space for YOU to fill in.

Pre-signed?!? How can You do that?

Because I know you, I watch you, I trust you. You aren’t going to be selfish or foolish or hurtful with these slips. If anything you will try to overwrite your name with someone else’s, and give your blessings away. But these are written with indelible ink. These are for you.

God, the longer I hold on to these slips, the thicker the packet becomes. It is literally growing thicker in my hand by the second, as I am thinking about what these might look like. 

Yes, these are for your lifetime. You need a lot of slips, yet! There are a lot of field trips to come, a lot of adventures to have, a lot of books to read–and write–still in store. You are always asking for permission, even if you don’t ask aloud. So I want you to settle this in your heart, and this is a way you can do that. My Answer to you is Yes. The Answer is Yes; what is the question? Because I know who you are, and how you ask. So go live some Yes! Take My Permission and run with it! See where this leads you. The world awaits, and a beautiful, wondrous, alive world it is.

Wow, God, Permission Slips!! Thank You! 

Posted on

Close Encounters of the Pelican Kind

Father God, I am having the best kind of deja vu. I am reading old journals, pouring over words we shared ten, eleven years ago, and two things are happening simultaneously. First, I am marveling at how what You said then, in advance, unfolded over the following months and years. How signposts You hinted at then came into full, glorious view later. And second, I seem to be reliving in real time now, what You said then, or what was happening then, but at a different level, like circling round a mountain coming around to the same view but different, because I am at a different plateau point now than I was then. I’m astonished, really.

Remember what I have told you: faith is the EVIDENCE of things not seen, or not seen as yet. The whole reason I speak in advance is to water and nurture your faith, so it can grow. Faith grows as a child grows, as a plant grows, with care and attention and the ideal conditions. I Am not interested in blasting your growth with blight or drought or pests to see if you persevere, if you are hardy enough. I Am interested in you bearing much fruit, and in creating the conditions where your fruitfulness flourishes. Above all, I Am interested in your growing into the self I see when I gaze deep inside you, the self that loves, that lives in peace, that exults in joy, that abounds in hope, that rejoices with others’ success as much as with your own. I see much growth in you, but the reality of living in eternity is that there is always room and opportunity for more growth. Your love can always expand. Your peace can reach wider, your joy can jump higher, your hope can cover more ground.

Ten years or so ago, I was rejoicing at my very first opportunity, in Ocracoke, to photograph pelicans at close range. Today, TODAY, after seeing a glimpse last fall, and hearing reports over the past couple of weeks, I had the chance to approach a lone pelican, on the dock in Duck, at close range. It was such deja vu, and made more so by what You said to me at that time. Lord, it was so key then, and I have the feeling that it is key again now. So here is what You said, what I felt, in those moments.

          “This morning I had this thought, this insight, about abundance, about living simply and doing with less, versus abundance. About being grateful for so many pelican pictures and thinking, that’s it, that’s too many, I can’t or shouldn’t have or want more. And the thought came, no. I am as grateful today for new pelican pictures as I was yesterday. I got to watch preening up close and at length. Wonderful. And the thought, to turn aside, not receive more, not look for more, was strong on one front, and its opposite was to receive, to celebrate, and to be grateful. Largess. Thank You Lord, for the time, the experiences, the photographs. This is expansive thinking. I have so much to understand here.

And then You said, You have so much to experience. You’ve relied too long on understanding, on others’ understanding. When you experience, you will know, and no one will take that knowing from you. You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. The Bible word for intimacy is to know. You will become one with this truth. A depth of experience–this is how you will know.

So Lord, I have to ask, why now? What is it that You are trying to say to me, now? All over again, an encounter with a pelican and all over again, that infusion of joy, of such deep gladness. 

Your quest for meaning, to make meaning, is great. It is one thing I love about you. But like anything else, even a great thing can be carried to an extreme where it is out of balance, and hurts the whole. What if I just wanted to give you a gift of joy? What if I just wanted you to play a little (or a lot)? What if I Am delighted with your delight, and rejoicing in your joy, and intending to catch your attention so you once again pay attention to your intention (all those plays on words intended). What if I came to you today disguised as Coyote, the Gentle Teacher, and the “gotcha” is to tickle you into rest by showering you with joy? Jesus disguised Himself for one moment as a Gardener and for another moment as an Itinerant traveler even His close disciples did not recognize. Imagine the joy when the Aha! was revealed. What if your current Vision Quest is to reveal to you once again the joy you experience when you just let go and be yourself, outside. What happened, after you saw the pelicans, in 2007?

Well, You asked me what else I would like to experience. And I said dolphins. And then we saw jumping dolphins up close in the Sound and surfing dolphins in the ocean, incredible!

Then, I was trying to persuade you about an important truth about Myself, and about you, about your capacity to receive. Now, I Am trying to do the same thing. You have received so much, and are so grateful, that paradoxically you are beginning to do the same thing you did eleven years ago. You are beginning to shut down, beginning to entertain a belief that says there is a limit to what you can experience and enjoy here on planet Earth, and that you are dangerously close to that limit, so you better ration out your blessings, lest you run out of blessing before you run out of time. Absurd, isn’t it, when you hear it expressed in such plain words?

I’m sorry, Lord.

Don’t be sorry. Just believe. Just believe I Am with you, I have much to show you and teach you and give you, and just believe that for all you receive, you don’t diminish either your later blessings or the blessings I have to bestow on everyone else. You are already struggling with the idea of abundance and largesse. The truth is even larger, more staggering, and the truth is infinity. But for now, let’s just concentrate on abundance, and on your willingness to say yes to more.

Posted on

Family Farming

Lord, what would You have me do?

What do you want to do?

I pause, open my eyes wider, lean back. What comes to mind is need-to-do. Laundry, vacuum, errands, bills. All of that can, and will, likely happen today. Then I look at my unread issue of Outdoor Photographer. I think about the third installment of the ice and snow blog. My pen runs out of ink as I feel out of time…coincidental? I think not.

 I have a supply of new pens in the coffee table drawer and I get one out. I am startled by its deep, dark, fresh-flowing black ink. I didn’t realize how faded the old pen had become.

You have a fresh 24 hours. But you are living your days like your ink pen, in a sort of grey haze. You aren’t allowing the richness and vibrancy to come through. You edit and mute and dim down your life, your inner life, all the time. It leaks out, here on the Page, and in occasional conversations with those you trust. It shows in your smiles and kindnesses to strangers.

Ok, so, what would You have me do? I don’t want to be one of those pushy, unapproachable people, obnoxiously telling others what to do or how to be.

Do you think that’s what I mean by Shine?

I don’t see the 3rd way. There’s the quieter life, the life of kindness. And the quieter interior life, I’ll call it. There’s the loud life, the TV-preacher in-your-face life. And no, I don’t think You are calling me to that.

Imagine a farmer. He plants and reaps and feeds his family. Maybe his neighbors. Imagine a Mega-Farm, the whole operation like a machine, like a food factory. Now, can’t you imagine a 3rd way?

I guess the farmer could, if he had help, buy the farm next door. Feed double.

What if the farmer invented an entirely new way to sow, or reap, or irrigate? What if the farmer stumbled on a strain of grain that had a higher yield for the same acreage? What if the farmer shared his discoveries, his inventions, his insights, and in less than a generation, quietly and faithfully revolutionized “family farming?” The tractor completely changed farming after generations of plowing by hand.

Ok, yes, I see that. But what does that have to do with me, with my life? Gallery owner, sometime photographer, occasional writer—of work that for the most part lives here, on these pages, or in notebooks or folders in drawers.

If you could pass on one thing, if you could give every family member one gift, if you could give one thing to every friend, what would it be?

My mind races through ideas. I already know where I’ll end up. I don’t choose a winning lottery ticket or a paid-off house. I don’t even choose robust physical health, tempting as that choice is. I choose You. I choose a deep, personal connection to You. Because all those other things, anything I can think of, fades. But You…You are the One Who Shines, Lord. Who is steady and true and Always Is. I’d somehow give them You.

 So, how do I feed the world You?

One day at a time, one meal at a time. No matter how big the farm, or how great the yield, there is only today’s meal, in the Now, that can be provided and have an effect in real time. The rest is just theory, and commodities. What sustains is meeting the hunger, right now. You just keep doing what you are doing, and let Me multiply your reach—like the loaves and fishes.

Multiply reach?

Ah, you see. You’re smiling now. Good. Now scoot along. You need to eat your own breakfast and live your own fresh day. And look for some glad surprises. It is My delight to delight you. You don’t have to be so serious. Enjoy your life. Enjoy the adventure of it. I don’t give stale bread, dry bread, moldy bread, or crumbs. I give fresh, hearty, tasty, nourishing bread—one bite, one day of your life, at a time.

Posted on

I Who Am Your…

Lord, what would You say about any of this? About anything, period?

 

You are always looking for the least crack, the least opening, to share about this life you have found, hoping your words inspire others to find their life in Me.

It is true, Lord. I am—but carefully. Am I doing any good at all?

You are opening the skittish to love and your reward will be their love and loyalty to you. And that is enough. That is as much—more—than they would ever have received on their own, or from any other source. Your approach is just right. Just keep loving on them.

Ok, Lord, but I feel like I am failing, in so many areas. You name it.

I haven’t “Named it”—you have. When have I ever Named you a failure? Even in those years you regret, I named Myself over you: Protector, Forgiver, Healer—and it was so. Liberator, Deliverer, Repairer of the Breach—and it was so. Why don’t you let Me Name Myself over you now? Over your worries and fears? Over your doubt? Over your tendency to listen to voices that name you lacking, not enough, displeasing?

Why don’t you hear My Names:

I Who Am well-pleased with you.

I Who Am your strength.

I Who Am your…

Lord, what a time to be interrupted, yesterday! Yet coming to the page this morning, I am realizing, fill in the blank: I Who Am your everything, everything you need.