Category: Mindfulness

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Immerse for Joy

I pause, notice kitty Barney, so relaxed, taking a snooze, and do something I have only done once since he got here; in fact, something I haven’t done much of at all since Mikey died. I stop and do a quick sketch, right in my journal. It’s funny, I could draw Mikey over and over and over. You said once, that is because I loved him so. So this sketch isn’t quite right, I am rusty, and Barney keeps moving. But I’ll get there, just like I did with Mikey. This was fun.

See? More Joy. Joy comes in noticing and immersing yourself. It’s what you do when you photograph–or write. You give attention.

So, how can I do this with chores, like vacuuming, say?

By noticing with every stroke, every sweep, how grateful you are for what surrounds you, the floor under your feet, each piece of furniture. Same with dusting. Allow yourself to linger a minute remembering some of the stories of the pieces you have decorating your home. Feel all over again the joy of acquiring each one–or, in the case of a family piece, some happy memory of the person it belonged to before you. You have many antiques from your mom; imagine their stories. If you cannot imagine their stories and have none of your own, then no matter their economic value, they have no heart-value to you, and it is time to let them go.

Really?

Of course. The key to loving your home, like loving anything else, is attention. You choose to pay attention to Barney, to signal to him agin and again that he is safe, and loved, and you are winning his love and his trust as a result

I do love him, Lord–even when he nips at me, I do love him.

Of course you do; that is who you are. And there is a big difference between what you are doing to bond with Barney and enduring abuse. No one is called to do that, because deliberate unkindness, or worse, is no part of My Nature or My Kingdom, and those are chains I would break, every time.

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Retreat

So, Lord, I have just spent the equivalent of two days—an evening, a day, a long morning—in a mini retreat, with eight other folks similarly engaged. There was such good material, most of which bubbled up inside each one of us as we individually and collectively responded to each other’s insights, questions, griefs, fears, longings. We were in “it”—this business of a daily life, spiritually centered—together, and in a way we don’t, or I should say, I don’t, despite my longing, often practice in the daily all by myself.

So my question, or one of my questions, is this: given a sense of calling, given experiences that feel to me like being invited into a deeper sense of Your Presence, why would I, why would anyone turn away from that invitation? Here is a follow-on question: despite what might be my fears around that invitation (what will others think? How will those I love react?), how can I live more fully aware and engaged? Our director said, over and over, Just Breathe. How do you feel right now in your body?

God, I think I know why I keep being drawn to bicycles. It’s the balancing act motif. Live connected to You, live connected to others—but not in a way that diminishes either Your Voice or my own—and live connected to myself. That is the challenge, to keep present, God, with all that is, and still hold to, or allow myself to be held by, and in, Your Love. That’s it, isn’t it! It feels like an aha. To allow myself to simultaneously be present to what is happening around me and at the same instant, to allow myself to be held by and in Your Love. Bingo. And I don’t. I mean, I do, but then I slip. I fall. I tumble into trying to fix everything around me (as if I even could, or as if it would be wise if I could), or I stumble over what is happening around me because I have closed my eyes and ears if it seems too painful or hard to bear, and neither one of those is the Third Way, of being present in a way that still allows Your Love to flow and center me in that Love.

All this is really heady, heavy stuff. But I love it. I love taking time to acknowledge it, and talk about it, and practice Your Presence, and write about it, and go out with my camera in hand, into a world I view as one You made initially, and look for evidence that You are still present here.

You said a lot this weekend, and some of it was beyond words. But is there anything You would say now, that I can share here?

Why don’t you write about what you saw and experienced when you went outside at sunset by yourself.

Ok, well, I think I saw the Green Flash. I had seen an afterflash of white light, once, just after the sun went down, and that was a couple years ago. But last evening as the sun disappeared, and there was a thin haze layer right at the horizon so the last glimpse was ever so slightly above it,I clearly experienced a shift of color in my perception from yellow to green and then gone. It doesn’t exactly show on the photograph; it looks more yellow, but if I desaturate all the yellow there is still a tonality present in the flash than in the streaks of color in the clouds above. And then, when I sensed it was time to go, and I got in my car, there were three deer that came out of the trees on the other side of the road and walked out into the marsh. One of those was a buck in velvet, with just-growing antler. Whether they would have come if I had stayed, I doubt. But it was a special treat to see them.

And what did you ask for at the beginning of your retreat?

Well, I asked for an experience of You. Not just words. Something beyond words, something sensory. I asked for clarity. I asked for Vision, as in Vision Quest. I wanted insight.

How do you feel right now?

Very calm. Relaxed. As if I could take a nap! Really, I feel drained in the best possible sense.

So why don’t you?

Why don’t I what?

Why don’t you nap? I cleared your calendar for the weekend, and that included today. That includes this afternoon. Do you remember the scripture, He gives to His Beloved even in sleep? Well, that goes for you too. All the while you were there to receive for yourself, you were also holding sacred space for those around you. You deliberately set about to do that work, to be a silent assisting partner. Now it is time for Eve to rest, and simply, merely, only receive. Not receive AND give. Just receive. You rarely do that fully awake, but in this semi-drowsy state, I can impart much to you—much healing, much insight, much strength. Everything you need, I can impart. Are you willing to lay down your need to appear strong and just receive? If you can answer yes, then go take a nap. And trust that everything in your world will be okay, while you rest and receive.

 

 

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Making Moments

Lord, some days I feel like a yo-yo–work, rest. Family, solitude. Creative, I can’t think of the right word for what I want to say. Creative…all the words I can come up with are negative words and that is not exactly what I mean. I think I mean, there are days I feel innovative, alert to possibility and to the light itself, and there are other days I feel very close-focused and the focus is detail-oriented, task-driven, necessary but not necessarily what I would call creative. There is an energy input, I will say, when I am being creative, and there is an energy output, let’s say, when I am occupied with all the background tasks of making a business life successful. Hence the yo-yo. Maybe that is not such a bad thing. Balance, right?

Balance, yes. Your challenge is that you tend to view your life in larger increments of time, and you plan to balance work now, and details now, and tasks now, with rest and refreshing and creative expressions later. And “later” doesn’t always balance out. Your challenge is to build your later into your now. Find ways to incorporate refreshment and relaxation, creative flow and time with family and friends, in the middle of the days that demand an immediate, detailed, task-oriented focus.

Ok, so, how in the world do I do that? I manage to find moments with You. Thankfully, You are Yourself, meaning, always Present. So I can talk to You at midnight, say, or while in the middle of doing something else, say, or driving, say, really anywhere, anytime–but I can’t necessarily relax anywhere anytime, and I sure can’t take creative time (which does take time and attention) and I sure can’t simultaneously get the shop ready to open and spend unstructured time, say, walking the beach or enjoying a long, lazy talk with a friend. I’m missing something, aren’t I? There is a third way I am not seeing, isn’t there?

You are living either/or again instead of both/and. The key is something you have done before, and that is to allow yourself moments in every day, as I told you before, to connect–you are faithfully connecting with Me, but you need moments to connect with yourself, and to connect with family, and to connect with friends.

Ok, here is the problem I see with that idea. Moments are just that, they are brief and elusive, and they don’t seem to have much value, all by themselves unless you string them together into hours or days or weeks or…

Stop. Take a breath. How long did that take?

I dunno. A moment? Oh. Clever.

That momentary breath, your inhale, your exhale, sustains you, literally keeps you alive. So do your little glances back and forth with Pete, your little hugs, your little kisses, your daily I-love-you’s. You haven’t had a vacation together away in more than three years. Yet your love continues to grow and be sustained by the daily moments of intention you both give to that love and to each other.

OK, point taken. And that absolutely works here, with Pete.

It would work with you, too–with yourself. Just give yourself a few minutes of attention. Check in with your body, are you warm, cold, thirsty, hungry? Check in with your emotions, and don’t brush them off, whatever they are. If you are feeling joyful and excited, then enjoy that! Really feel the feeling of the accomplishments you are making now, in your working days. If you are feeling worried or stressed, you don’t have to obsess on that in order to honor the feeling–but be willing to bring that feeling to the forefront so that you can take action based on its prompting. When you rush past joy, you diminish it. When you try to push past worry or stress, you magnify it. You already pay momentary mindful attention to nature, so you know how to do this.

What about friends, Lord? I have friendships I sustain in a series of moments. I’m thinking of friends who are long-distance, some extremely long-distance. But You help us stay connected, even if we are physically apart. It’s really something, how that works. Are You saying I can rely on that type of connection even in the busier times?

You already do. As you just said, you have friendships you have sustained in just this way, where distance separates you physically but your hearts are joined and every moment of contact just strengthens and reinforces the bond. Don’t neglect the moment just because you cannot spend hours. Don’t neglect the contact just because it will be brief. Don’t be all-or-nothing, either/or, in your thinking.  Living in the Moment means living in the Moment with Me, with yourself, with nature, with family, with friends. Make Moments. They in turn will make your life.

 

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One at a Time

Suddenly, I have so many need-to’s. My mind is trying to recall everything. Lord?

I brought the animals to Adam to name one at a time. They didn’t come en masse–that would have been overwhelming. You need to approach your to-do’s in the same way. Adam could never have named the giraffe if he’d been fretting over what to call the elephant. There is a place and time for Big Picture thinking and a time for the nitty-gritty details. You’ve had to bounce between the two, but for these next days, try to approach your tasks in the same way you were counseled to photograph in Florida–one bird at a time, rather than darting your focus from this bird to that bird to another bird. You will know when it’s time to switch to a wider angle perspective and consider the whole, but for this week, see each small task through before you begin to work on, or even think much about, the next one. That will help calm your darting thoughts. Not only will you feel calmer, you will actually get more done, with a greater sense of accomplishment. It’s not the way you usually approach a project. You usually try to juggle multiple pieces of its totality at once. Try this other way. You’ll be more productive and more serene. And yes, build in time to breathe! You can take mini-breaks as you finish a task. This is one of your issues–when you try to juggle and consider everything at once, you have the sense nothing is ever really finished, and you don’t let yourself stop, and rest, and enjoy a quiet moment. You also miss out on the satisfaction of accomplishment because your mind is already off and working on the next three things.

Gosh, God, it sounds so easy when You say it. So simple. But You’re right–it’s not how I think, not how I do things.

Remember, this isn’t a contest or a school day. This is your life, your beautiful, busy, multi-faceted life. Why not find ways to enjoy it more, in the actual doing and living of it?

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Set Sail

Lord, I keep distracting myself. Meditators say, come back to the breath. And You would say?

There is nothing wrong with thinking per se. Your minds are designed to think–to remember, to reason, to question, to quest, to analyze, to compare, to conclude, to dream and to plan. The difficulty for you arises when your mind and all its thinking is operating separately from your heart, or when your plans don’t sync with your values, or when your words and thoughts stand in opposition to your love or your joy or your peace.

You use thermometers to measure temperature and barometers to measure air pressure. Use your heart, use your relationship with Me, to measure your thoughts. Measure your thinking against My Peace. If your inner landscape agitates you, that is a good time to take a deep breath and press the reset button. If your habits and patterns of thought are drifting into negativity, worry, fear, or judgment, then it’s time to bring them back to confidence and joy. Course-correct.

Good sailors are always alert to the wind, the currents, and the bottom beneath their boat. Even if the wind shifts, they can make adjustments in real time to either keep sailing on course, or find a safe spot to moor. You need to pay as much attention, not to the subject of your thoughts, but to their effect on your mood and your day, as sailors pay to the wind. That will help you reset your sails so you can move by the wind of My Spirit.

Ok, Lord. Check my thinking. Check! √

 

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Centering

Lord, I’m restless.

You feel like you are the clay on the wheel, spinning around and around. You need to let Me center you. Then I can shape you, shape your life, into the perfect form and the perfect size. But all begins with centering.

I’m seeing this wide bowl and Your Hands shaping it from inside. Expanding it from within. Increasing capacity.

Today is like the disciples fishing all night and rowing home, tired and discouraged. That is where you are—that is how you feel. You are doing all you know how to do, and you are giving it your best effort. And yet you still are coming up short. So I told them to go out, at the wrong time of day and put out their nets one more time. Let out your nets for a catch. And you know the result. 153 fish. So many fish that the nets broke. So many fish the two of them couldn’t haul them in; they needed help, they needed two more helpers.

So what do I do now, today?

Relax. Unwind. Go with the flow.

 

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Salt and Pepper

Ok, so. So now what?

What do you do when you skim the fat off the top of a pot of soup?

I discard it and then I can add seasonings. Then I stir.

So these random musings, which are almost diary-like, serve the same purpose. They get you ready to distil the essence of what is important, what you can discard, and they help you taste your life to see what’s missing, what it needs.

Lord, what does my life need today? What does it need right now?

You can over-season, over-salt, put in too much pepper, and ruin what would have been a great recipe. You need balance.

Lord, I’ve had soup like that–so much salt or pepper I couldn’t eat it! When I think of salt now, I think of tears. And when I think of pepper, I think of anger.

So this is very important. Not only can you over-season, you can under-season. Soup–and life–is very bland if it is too watered down with no seasoning at all. So don’t be afraid of your seasons of tears or anger; just bring the whole of your life to Me. Tell Me here what makes you sad or makes you mad. Then we can more easily focus on what makes you glad still.

You see how cathartic that was? It is okay to acknowledge situations you think are unfair or hurtful. How can I help you right a wrong if you are not honest with Me or with yourself?

You can help me right a wrong I didn’t cause? One I don’t deserve?

But of course. Forgiveness is part of the process which you know very well. But that is not all. Sometimes restoration is needed. Sometimes a new situation needs to fill the gaps left in the aftermath of an older one. There is always a way to move forward. There is always a way to find or generate peace and joy. But you have to begin by stopping. Stop and acknowledge where you are. Then you can go on with more clarity.

 

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In the Moment

Being creative takes time. Shucks, even coming here to the page takes time. It gets harder, not easier. I feel I’m straining and rushing. My phone keeps dinging. Distractions. Sorry.

Eve, this is your life. You don’t have great swathes of time. But, please, listen. Neither does anyone else. No one in your field of impact does. That is exactly what makes you—and your work—so impactful, so special. You don’t have weeks and months to write in. You have moments. You don’t have days on end to photograph: you have moments. You don’t have weeks to retreat to put together an album: you have moments. You find Me in the Moments, in the In-Betweens. That is your life and that is your impact. That is your calling: to live a full-on connected life in the midst. Moments in the Midst, the photographer’s way, the writer’s way, the composer’s way. That’s it. That is the “it” you have found so elusive. You have thought you had to wait—to publish, to write polished essays and stories and lyrics, to create a photo book—until you could carve out great expanses of time. But your strength is in the moment. Spontaneity is your strength. Call, and having wildlife respond, is your strength.

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Breathe

Lord, here I am, well into another day in which I could easily ramp myself up. In fact, I already feel as if I have.


Then breathe. Take a deep breath. Imagine you are filling your lungs with the cleanest, purest mountain air, or sea air, your mind can conceive. Imagine nature’s beauty surrounding you, 360 degrees, while you take those deep breaths. Now imagine My Spirit, flowing into you–calming your mind, easing your body, refreshing your soul, changing your outlook. My Spirit is cleaner, purer, than the freshest air you can imagine. And best of all, this experience–of bringing your awareness to the reality of My Presence with you–is available any time, in any location, in any circumstance. From a hospital waiting room to a commuter train platform, from the suburbs to the busiest metropolis, My Spirit is with you. Infilling is available every time you choose to open the door, to throw the light switch, to decide to breathe deliberately instead of automatically. Better?

Yes, Lord, much better. I am actually relaxed, now.

Now you can focus–in turn–on the tasks at hand. Let Me guide you today. Not only will you get more done, you will accomplish your to-do’s with less stress and agitation, and with much more joy and peace. Anytime you feel yourself becoming agitated or overwhelmed, just pause, take a deep breath and remember: you are not alone. I AM with you.

 

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In The Bubble

Ok, I need to quit so I can shower. My thoughts dart–like butterflies–this/that/the other…

Try to settle, for today, on today. Try to be present. All your tomorrows are in My Hands–and you will unwrap them as they come. Some you will unwrap early so you can plan, or prepare. But for today, just unwrap today.

Remember the snow globes you had, as a child? Well, I want you to imagine holding in your hands a globe that was filled with light, with dancing and sparkling and shimmering light. As you peer in and look from every angle, something new is revealed. Trust Me to provide an extraordinary experience in the most ordinary of days–today. My Hands are on your hands. If you let Me, I can make today a day to remember.

Ok, Lord, thank You. I love You, Lord. Thank You. You know how much I want to bless my friends.

Of course I know! This reunion is from Me. I want to bless them too–and I want to bless them through and with you.