Category: Heaven

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Spring Forward

So, God, it is almost, truly, spring. We have already had the switch to daylight savings time. This past Monday, there were only about half a dozen swan in the cove, and it was so pretty, I walked down to my car to get my camera and long lens. I snapped a quick cell phone image first and good thing — when I returned, the swan were gone! And then I saw them, way off in the distance, flying away. Flying away north. Flying away to home, their other home. Just like that. The majority had left already; these were the last to go. And then, about an hour later, I left and checked on the osprey nest just north of us since I heard the first one calling that morning. Sure enough, the pair was home! Home for the spring and summer. Just like the swan, they had to make a journey. OH, I get it. Some go, some come, all head Home. Like my cousin who I cannot get out of my mind and heart. Oh.

Home-going is hard only for those waving goodby. To the travelers themselves, coming Home is wonderful, is glorious. It is good to go, it is good to come home. You know this yourself from all your own travels. You love to go, and you love to return.

It’s the leave-taking that is hard.

Yes, and the waiting. But notice what happened, even in your own experience. The osprey don’t take the place of the swan. They each have their own stories. But the presence of the osprey, the joy they bring in and of themselves, that is what helps fill your heart. So now it is a matter of focus. You could choose to fill your heart only with swan, with the memory of their being here all winter. You could let your heart linger there. And that is what memory is for. But — and this is a very important distinction — you can let your heart linger lightly with those swan while embracing the osprey. You can remember and rejoice, and yes, at the bigger goodbyes you can still shed tears, while at the same time choosing to spring forward. Choosing to let your heart find new loves, new reasons to rejoice, new seasons to explore and even celebrate. Some think that dishonors what once was, to be open to what is and what could be. But since I AM, and since I AM Timeless, I say to you, linger lightly. And Spring Forward. Do Both/And. Don’t refuse spring’s gifts thinking you have to be loyal and faithful in honoring winter. You honor winter by remembering, not by refusing to let the snow melt, let the ice thaw, and let your heart be warmed once again by the spring sun. So Spring Forward, little one. And trust that those you love will find their own ways forward into the same sun, warming their own hearts. Hold winter’s griefs up to the light of that sun and let My Love warm and comfort and heal.

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Light So Bright

So, Lord, this has been a roller-coaster couple of weeks, the plunge point being Pete spiking his 4th or 5th fever, I lost count, with two trips to his regular doctor’s office culminating in an ambulance ride to the ER. And he is much, much better now. But. So the hospital ruled out all the seemingly serious stuff, like pneumonia; the doctor’s office swabbed for flu, and that was negative, so it seemed as if he had some sort of virus. Then the hospital called back six days later, and turns out they had sent his urine for a culture, and he had a UTI. Once he started on a new antibiotic, he felt so much better right away, and we have had no more shaking chills, no more high fevers. But. The but is, I was calm during all that, but kind of an inside mess afterwards. I didn’t sleep well, agitated. And now that fatigue has piled up, and I wound up napping today.  I am so relieved this was caught in time, before it became something too serious. But it could have been. And one day, it will be. Just writing that, my heart rate kicks up, I can feel it, and I am breathing more rapidly. I signed up for this–I know that. But it’s hard.

No, you didn’t. Not exactly. No human really ever “signs up” for the loss of someone they love. Remember, Death was–in the ways you experience it–never My idea. I planted a Tree of Life in the Garden, remember? That is why I have transformed Death into a Door, a Door I Myself Am. A Door I Myself walked through in human form so I could transform the Door into a Doorway, A Gateway, into Life.

Remember the vision you had, a couple days ago? Of walking into a Light so bright everything else fades and dims? Hold to that. Hold to that for yourself, and hold to that for everyone you love who has gone–or will go–before you.

You’ve had glimpses of this before, quick visual images. Now I want these glimpses to begin to permeate and resonate in your other senses, too, starting with hearing. You will begin to hear, in your mind’s ear, some of heaven’s music, as you hear My Voice, as you see in your mind’s eye.

In the midst of writing that, I mean, right that second about hearing, I hear my phone ping a message.

Yes, this will be that sudden–and in the beginning that startling. But it is time the Silent Movies end and you begin to integrate sight and sound.

Lord, kitty Barney is all stretched out. So relaxed.

Yes, that is what I want for you, the deep relaxation that comes from deep trust, from knowing all is truly well and you are loved, and cared for.

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Disconnected

Whew! I just tried to open this page and got the “not connected to internet” message–several times. Tried Pete’s computer which was fine, came back in, jiggled some wires, and here I am.

And what message did you get from that?

Honestly, God, the very first thing I thought of was how hectic my day was, and how I didn’t take time to connect deliberately with You in the morning. I am doing it now, at the end of my day instead of at the beginning.

You felt disconnected?

I did. All day long I was scattered. I’d woken with a migraine which went away a couple hours after I took my imitrex, and thank You and thank them again, whoever was involved in its formulation, but that put me behind schedule. 

But were you really disconnected? Is your internet service truly out, or did it just require a little effort, the tiniest focus and intent, on your part?

That’s all. It was weird.

Not weird. Wired. You just needed a gentle reminder that, despite your feeling disconnected, you are never truly disconnected from Me because I Am never disconnected from you. You might have to–as you say–jiggle your wires a minute, set your receptors and your attention on hearing from Me, and then what happens? Here I Am. Right where I was all day, patiently waiting for you to be ready, to reach out.

God, this connection we have, it is amazing. And I am so afraid that it is like my internet service is sometimes, temperamental, fragile, easily broken. Can I just say it? I am afraid I am going to wake up some morning and it will just be gone. You will just be silent. Or I will just be deaf.

I know. I know all your fears and where they originate. That is why I tell you over and over, in so many different ways, don’t be afraid; you are not alone; I will never leave you. The only reason it seemed to take years to hear directly from Me is that for years, you did not believe you could. You did not believe I would speak to you, “little you.” You tended to belittle yourself instead of seeing how great My Love is, how I long to reach out and connect to every single one of My Children, no matter whether they think of themselves as great, or small and insignificant. There is no one immune from My Love or My Presence. No one is so great that I Am not needed–although that need may not be recognized. And although many, many think themselves too small for My attention, no one is small or insignificant in My reckoning.

God, sometimes I try to quantify your love, and I just can’t. I can’t make it big enough or long enough or wide enough.

Do you remember when you first learned of infinity in math class? How you could keep adding a number at the end of a string of numbers and go on forever? Well, that is one metaphor for My Being. And since My Being is Love, there is no end, no finishing point, to My Love. There is no place and no time where anyone can move past My Love. There is no boundary beyond which My Love does not exist. I, and My Love, are Infinite. Most of your human conversations are about boundaries of some sort, boundaries of geography, of distance, of time; limitations of strength or duration. Even events such as your Olympic Games, where athletes push beyond previous boundaries and set new records, are based on the idea that each new boundary will someday be broken, perhaps by milliseconds. Such precise measurement of boundaries makes the concept of Limitless and Timeless impossible to understand with a finite mind housed in a body whose very physicality imposes constant limits.

So, Lord, I have to ask. If there is no place, no time, no existence where You are not…that is what You are saying, right?

That is what I Am saying.

Then what about Hell? What about that place of “wailing and gnashing of teeth”? That place where You are not. That place of torment that people go to, depending on different criteria but in a broad stroke sense, if they don’t live in a way that provides entrance into Your Presence forever, which is what Heaven is. Are You saying Hell isn’t real? Jesus talked about Hell.

This is hard to explain given the limitations of words and your experience. At the moment of what you call death, everyone will come into My Presence. No exceptions. Now, some folks will immediately rejoice. They will be able to perceive where they are (even “where” is not an accurate word). Let’s say it this way–they will be able to perceive My Presence and literally be engulfed in the Love, the Peace, the Joy that My Presence provides. Other folks, particularly those whose lives caused harm to others, or even to themselves, will also perceive My Presence, and the Light and Truth of that Presence will create a great chasm within them of regret and remorse. They will perceive in that instance every action, every thought, every word that was in opposition to what they are experiencing around and within them. It is that regret and remorse that will cause the wailing and gnashing of teeth. Now, I want you to imagine for just a minute, in your finite way, that someone is in front of you in that kind of pain. Maybe that person even hurt you, way back when. What do you do now?

God, good grief. I am crying right now. I think, I hope, I would do anything, anything I could, to quell that pain for them. I hope I would. I can’t stand it, can’t stand the thought of it. Can’t You do something? Can’t You fix this?

You see, you have so much of My Heart in you already. I have done something, and the something I have done has the name Forgiveness. Grace. Mercy. Lovingkindness. So now imagine Me wrapping My arms around that regret, that remorse, and kissing it away. Now how do you feel?

Geez, God, now I am sobbing. 

And?

So much joy. So much giddy joy. Really? Me? This is really for me? That is what I would be feeling, if I were the one in pain. And if I were the one able to relieve that pain, wow. What an incredible feeling.

Love is the Greatest Power of all. It is Mine to give and it is Mine to withhold. Here is what so many cannot understand–I do not choose to withhold it. I could, of course I could. But then I would no longer be Good. I might be God, but I would not be Good. But as you are so fond of saying, I Am Good, all the Time. And Beyond Time.

God, you know one of my favorite verses is, the one who is forgiven much loves much.

Yes, that is why there is only Love in heaven. Even those you might consider the worst offenders, once mercy is extended to them, overflow for eternity with gratitude and love. And those who enter heaven with the most remorse initially are the strongest defenders and protectors of life on earth. To use your human terms, it is their amends.

Wow, God. That…that isn’t what I was taught. But it rings true. I have thought for a while that You had more to say on this subject…but I was afraid to ask.

You don’t have to be afraid to ask, or question. Just remember Who you are talking to, and lean into My Love.

So…there is no disconnection. In eternity.

Exactly. Now you begin to understand.

Can I ask one more question?

Of course you may.

What about faith? What about those on earth who have no faith?

A better way to phrase that is, who have no understanding. In that moment of death, they will all Understand. They will Know. They will Receive. And for eternity, they will Love and they will Give. Rest assured in that. Be at peace in that.

 

 

 

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I Heart…

In less than an hour, it’s my birthday. Although, if I am being precise, I really turn 61 somewhere around 8 a.m., not at midnight. Last year was the landmark/decade birthday, but I can’t help wondering about the year ahead. In Narnia Aslan told Lucy, no one can know about what will happen, but—

That is not what I said.

What?

As Aslan, in Narnia. That is not what I said. What Aslan actually said was, no one is told what would have happened if…And then what did Aslan say? Anyone can find out what will happen…

Oh, yes. Right, by taking action, by moving forward. Part of me wishes I could look ahead, have some foreknowledge, and part of me is afraid to ask for even a glimpse.

Here is all you really need to know. You will love the love of your life, for all of your life. And he will love you. When the road gets bumpier, you will have the ability and the circumstances to slow down, so the bumps don’t cause you to crash, emotionally, spiritually or financially. Instead of racing over or through the bumpy parts, you will walk hand in hand, each of you leaning on the other, and each of you both giving and receiving strength and comfort. At some point, I will call everyone on the planet Home. You will live through many Homegoings before you hear Me calling your name, and when I do, the joy that will rise up inside you will be so great, so powerful, your human body will not be able to contain it. In that moment, which you have labeled “death” you will become fully and eternally Alive and forever united to My Love and Life. It is hard for you to fully appreciate the joy, completely understand the risen life that awaits all of you on the other side of the veil you call Time.

When the day inevitably comes for Pete to come Home, although you cannot envision this now, you both will know, and you both will rejoice; he will rejoice because Joy itself will come for him, and you will rejoice, because you will realize that not even death can separate those who love one another.

You have asked in your heart a question that doubters asked Me, although your puzzlement comes not out of doubt but out of a sadness born from an anticipated loneliness. On earth, Pete has loved both Pat and you. So in heaven, whom will he love? And the answer is Love is All. Love is All encompassing, Love is All surrounding, Love is All infilling. In heaven, Love. There will be no more need for rank-ordering. When the glass is always full, there is no need for measurement. You will fully love, then, and you will be fully loved. Here, you cannot live without air, without breath. Then, you cannot live without Love. So much love, so much joy, so much peace, awaits you. And even those words are inadequate, for much invites a comparison to less-than-much, to little. That is why I so often Name Myself simply Am. Being. Love. Peace. These are synonymous in eternity.

So what does your 61st year hold? Wonder. Blessing. Strength. Resilience. Joy. Opportunity. Tenderness. What will be your part, your response? Gratitude. Peace. Serenity. Faith. Hope. Compassion. And yes, Joy.

Rest easy, little one. You have chapters yet to live, chapters yet to write. And you and Pete have pages yet to live together. Determine to write on every single page, happily ever after—and live that assurance, starting now. Keep sowing seeds of love, keep reaping a crop of love. Your entire existence together has been a loving journey. That will never change between you—never fear that.

Thank You, Lord. That is the best present I could ask for, tender, loving days together, however many there are.

I have told you before, don’t grieve in advance; don’t mortgage today to try to prepare for tomorrow. Be Here Now. Love Now. That is all any of you can really do, anyway. So purpose in your heart to do that, every day, and this really will be the kind of year you are always asking for others, your best year yet, overflowing with blessings.

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Advent Preparations

I found an old entry, years old, which said something that relates directly to what is going on right now. You brought that back around, God. Thank You.

You see, nothing is ever wasted. No true opportunity from Me is ever really lost. Sometimes I show you glimpses early to help prepare you for the fullness meant for later. Sometimes you turn away, or turn back, out of a feeling of unreadiness. Sometimes I need to reveal your unreadiness, not to discourage you but to help you grow into your opportunities. Part of living “right place, right time, right person” is trusting Me when you see doors closing when you are—as now—in a state of pause, of waiting.

Advent is a state of pause. It seems the opposite, with all the rushing to be ready, all the preparations, all the extra tasks, but Advent was intended as a more quiet expectation, quiet only so you could feel the anticipation and experience even more joy at its fulfillment. Now on the day after Christmas, the most dominant feelings for adults are relief and exhaustion.

Advent was not meant for lethargy but for a more gentle, deliberate and mindful pace of preparation. Decorating and cooking and gift selection and giving, the gathering of loved ones—all of these were meant to have counterparts in your soul. People often take time to clean out closets, releasing what they no longer need to make room for new. You can see the correlation to your spirit’s housekeeping. It’s good to take some deliberate time to examine the corners of your attitudes and your core values and make sure what you wear everyday—your words and actions—are a true fit.

You decorate your houses and make festive preparations; how do you decorate your soul: With what do you embellish your spirit: With joy. With praise. With gratitude. With a new song. There are songs you hear only at this time of year. It is a time to reflect back and look ahead, too. Some of the embellishments you can add in Advent are your prayerful dreams and goals and visions for the year ahead.

As Advent concludes and Christmas comes, you both give and receive. Give yourself once again to Me; receive once again in your lived-experience expressions of My particular love for you. Children anticipate Santa will bring them good gifts, wished-for gifts. Are My Gifts less wonderful than the gifts they ask for?

What about gifts we don’t get, you ask. My dear child, just as no opportunity is wasted, no true gift is ever withheld. Human lives intersect and overlap and the is not yet the perfect world I created it to be. Remember, your eartly sorrow at losing someone you love is the underside of the tapestry—from the topside, from their perspective, all is glory, all is joy, all is magnificence. And the pattern revealed there is a beautiful weaving.

That is humanity’s true Advent, lived every day, every hour, of human lifetimes—the leading up to the greatest Gift of all.

You mean heaven.

Yes, full union with Myself and with all creation. For “it is not my will that anyone perish, but that all come to repentance.” And My Will shall be done, My Kingdom shall come. What a day that will be—for Me as well as for humanity. Cicero had it correct: the last day does not bring extinction, but change of place.

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Rain Within

Lord, I want kindness to prevail over cruelty and mercy to overtake”justice” if justice is just shorthand for revenge, for punishment. Please, please, what would You say?

Little One, you are seeing the world—My world—as it is, while simultaneously holding the vision I have of the world—My world—as it could be. As it should be. As it will be. Heaven is the church you seek, where all truly Love One Another. You are doing your part to build My Kingdom where it really counts, which is out in the middle of My messy world.

You want to find a gathering space of folks whose tenets are inclusive, welcoming, peace-centered, and when it comes to Me and My Presence, relational and experiential. You want My Presence manifest like you want air, like you want water. You are dry and thirsty without it. You are like a land in drought, spending your precious tears crying for rain when Rain is within you. You have My Spirit within you. Be church. Continue to minister. Continue to stand in love. Make your gratitude lists—and share them.

 

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Loss

Loss is hard, no matter how I think about it. I have friends going through it, right now.

The portal you call death is a lot like jumping to hyperspace, or going to warp speed—all of a sudden, the essence of the person is too large, too fast, and holds too much energy for the physical body that has been its home. The soul jumps to Eternity, leaving behind the empty shell. In this eternity there is no separation, not from Me and not from anyone loved in this life. In fact, since Love is the core of Being, the soul actually experiences unity with everyone and everything, while still retaining individuality. This is a mystery beyond your comprehension. You see glimpses and hints, nothing more.

Lord, the Old Testament warned against trying to connect with anyone who had died, so that warning makes me, I am sure makes a lot of us, wary. Yet some days I would like nothing more than a conversation with my Mom or Dad, or Patrick. That is why those dreams about them are so precious.

What the Old Testament warned about was substituting that contact for a genuine connection to Me. In Me and through Me and through the power of My resurrection, you have access to anyone for all of history. Who do you think sends you those comforting dreams? Who do you think summons the blue butterfly or the pileated woodpecker, just when you need some reassurance?

I gave you these earthly relationships to be an eternal blessing to you. I don’t intend you to remain in grief over the loss of physical contact. Instead, try asking Me to arrange experiences where you know your loved one has communicated with you, in a way personal and private to you, and see what happens?

Lord, I will never forget driving home after Christmas 2000, when Daddy died Christmas day, and the smell of his pipe tobacco that he got every Christmas in my childhood filled the car out of nowhere.

Not out of nowhere, out of Beyond. Out of Eternity. No, your father is not smoking a pipe in heaven! But that experience—what did it do for you?

I felt as if he was somehow near, along with my Aunt who gave him that tobacco, saying that he was okay. That he was well and healthy and somehow aware of me and where I was. It was a powerful moment of connection.

And did it increase or diminish your faith? Did it comfort you or plunge you into depression?

Lord, it increased my faith. And yes, it comforted me too—like the man I had lost to Alzheimer’s was somehow suddenly my Daddy again. Wow, I never put that into words before.

That was the exact intention, My intention, in the experience: to comfort and assure you.

So I can ask that my friends be comforted? And assured?

Indeed, yes. These are prayers I love to answer—happy serendipitous surprises of love.

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Heaven

Lord, I was thinking, if I died today, who in heaven would be there, to meet me, I mean? If I think of eternity as timeless, then people not yet born, people not yet died, could be there, but that complicates things. I was imagining, say, 20 years from now, and a heaven where even those who hurt me were there, were sorry, were healed themselves, and we could have in Eternity the relationship we didn’t have—couldn’t have—here.

Your first vision of heaven was as a place of healing, of reconciliation, of peace and love and forgiveness, a place of restoration and joy. Not judgment. Not regret. A place where all is put to rights, in body, mind and spirit. Do you think you can out-vision Me? Do you think you can out-imagine Me? Where do you think this vision comes from? In your vision there is only peace, not punishment, not torture. There are, literally, no more enemies in your vision. All swords, even Mine, are plowshares. You didn’t dream this on your own. You are tapping into the deep vein of My Love, My Peace. For those who must have vengeance, My Blood satisfies. But you have gone deeper even than this. You’ve gone to the bedrock of “seventy times seven.” That is why you don’t focus so much anymore on My Cross. That’s why you focus on My Rising. You picture Me alive, not dying.

 

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More on Faith and Love

The vet came, and we are going to have to put Mikey down, soon. I am thinking maybe even today. It’s wild, I journal yesterday about him, and now, this. I might’ve said, I don’t have the faith to see him healed but now, after what You said yesterday, that is not it. Is it?

Love would let him go. Sometimes Love holds on and sometimes Love lets go. True Love is discerning–it knows its time. It knows its purpose in each situation, each decision. When Love knows it is not yet time to let go, then Love energizes faith; the knowing what is best, what is most loving, gives the power for healing to happen. True Faith is believing in the reality and power of Love, in what Love can do in the world, whether it be in a sick body or a broken heart or a devastated community. And since I Am Love, Faith at its deepest and purest has eyes to see Me in every situation, to see My Hand in everything–not as Cause, necessarily. Sometimes as Cure.

If you can learn to live from Love, let Love be the foundation for everything you do and think and say, you will have the kind of faith that can move mountains–if moving a mountain is truly what Love needs to happen! You can also have the kind of faith that moves you–that inspires you to take action, all based in Love. So you see, letting Mikey go is an act of Love, and therefore, also an act of faith, an assurance you are doing the best thing.

But it still hurts.

(Gently) Yes, little one, I know. I better than anyone know the hurt Love experiences in the world. This is little comfort to you now, but the world I envisioned, the world I first created, the world where Mikey is now, has no hurt, no time, no limit, no end. It is only and always Love. Mikey has simply returned to that which he was created to inhabit all along. He is the one who is Home; you are the one still absent. Remember how I said yesterday, Faith connects others to Me through your Love?

Yes. What did You mean, exactly?

If you can believe, you will experience the connection to everyone you have ever loved, who has passed from sight, but is with Me, alive, in joy. There is no separation within Myself. You really do inhabit parallel universes–that is one way of phrasing it. The more you can open yourself up to eternity, the more of eternity you will experience in your earthly life. You have had moments of this, dreams of this, flashes of this. These were not anomalies. In a real sense, any sense of separation you experience–from Me, from those you love–is the anomaly. Love Is. Mikey is now held in purest Love. Allow your heart to rest in this knowing, if only for brief minutes at a time, and that knowing will comfort you beyond your mind’s understanding. And you will experience what you call “faith”–walking the bridge that connects you to Me, and to others. You pictured a tightrope, high, scary, windy. See how solid it really is? See how beautiful the country? You have glimpses and then the vision fades. Be not discouraged. Just feel the Love.

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Growth in Heaven

Lord, I want to know about heaven. Do we still grow, there? I mean, we are somehow ageless, but do we still grow?

With every human born, heaven grows. “Heaven” in the collective grows in its capacity to love and care, just as an earthly family does when a new baby is born. Do you think brilliant ideas are limited to earth only? Do you think creativity dies when eternity begins? There is much you cannot understand or conceive until you arrive. But know this: Heaven is a shorthand word for Life. And where there is life, there is growth.