Category: Destiny

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The Seat of Seeing

You know how I love that scene in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, in which Aragorn, troubled and unsure, diverts from the trail to sprint up the hill to sit a moment in the Seat of Seeing. In the story, what he sees mirrors his own uncertainty; all is murky and he winds up having to trust his heart for his next steps. For some reason the idea of a Seat of Seeing has always resonated deeply within me. I think the reason has to do with deliberate intention. When you choose to sit still in a Seat of Seeing, you are really asking to see, asking to know, asking to be led. And I know we can’t always KNOW…but I also know we can always be led, always hear our next right step.

So last week, while in Hendersonville, walking a mountain trail, I came to this rock formation and immediately I thought, a Seat of Seeing! I want to write about what happened next, what I felt and thought there, what it seemed to me You said there.

Like Aragorn, I was seeking direction. So I left the trail and walked up the slight incline to sit on the lowest of the rocks. There was a perfect ledge there, big enough for me to sit and even lay back. No sooner had I sat, wondering what will I see here (thinking maybe a bird would fly by or something), then I heard in what I have come to believe is Your voice speaking in my own mind thoughts I know did not originate in my own thinking. You said, “your future.” I did not expect that! That was startling and revelatory in a way I still don’t understand. Later in the week, I had a chance to sit on another rock, this one on flat ground with a tiny heart shape in its form. There, You said to me: You have need of patience. Yes, Lord. I know.

The whole experience, these two rocks, these two messages, a couple days apart, were connected in my mind and heart. Future…patience. I told someone recently what I read years ago: you can drive across country at night seeing only the next 50 feet in front of you. Sometimes (ok, all the time) I want to see way down the road. But You are calling me to trust. To trust, and to flow. That is what I believe You are saying to my life right now.

Look back at your own words above. Aragorn had to trust his heart. So do you. You have to trust that I Am speaking to your heart, yes. But you also have to trust your heart, in and of itself, for your heart is connected to My Heart. This is where your doubts arise. You question your decisions. And what have I told you about that?

You told me to choose from Love.

Exactly. If you choose from Love, you will never choose amiss, which is what Aragorn feared he was doing in the tale, choosing amiss. You cannot choose amiss if you choose from Love.

But what if things don’t work out?

You mean, what if the outcome is not what you originally envisioned?

Exactly!

If you hitch your choice to Love to a specific outcome or a specific set of circumstances that you plan out in advance, then you are not actually choosing Love above all. Remember, the choice to Love does not mean that you bow down to abuse or that you go along with others’ choices that are clearly not based in Love. Love will give you the courage to say yes, and also to say no. Love gives you the patience to wait, to be still, to listen, to be led. The important thing, the only important thing, is to choose from Love. Love’s flow will always, always move you in the right direction. Follow that flow, follow your heart, and you will be following My Voice, all the time, each and every time.

You also reminded me of that old hymn, He hides my soul in the cleft of the rock, and covers me there with His hand. I just remembered that, looking at the photograph. As I was getting back to my feet, sort of climbing back out of the wedge, the cleft, You brought that hymn to mind. And it was comforting and scary all at once.

Why scary, little one? Do you not believe I Myself Am choosing from Love?

Of course. But the world isn’t. And even in Love, people leave.

People die, you mean.

Yes. And it is hard.

You are still very earth-bound, and earth-bound is who I made you, all of you, to be. Remember, I created this earth, this beautiful earth, for you, as a gift–for a season. In this season you are in the body. After this season you will be in My Body, which is deathless, timeless, ageless. And healed. Healed of any manifestation that is not-Love. Imagine that! Who wouldn’t want that? Who wouldn’t long for that? That is your future, your destiny. But before that future, you have chapters yet to live on earth, in your body, choosing the Love that is Eternal. Living here, seeing Beyond. That is what I Am calling you more and more to do. To live both/and, remember? To see, to hear, to share both/and. Both IN the earthly body AND In My Heavenly one. To flow from My Spirit while in an earthly body. To feed the hungry heart, to quench the thirsty soul. You have so many ways to do just that! Some will receive in one way and others will receive in a different way. Lead and be led from Love. Always, always, from Love.

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The Missing Piece

Lord, you started to say something this morning as I was getting ready to leave the house, and I found it extraordinary, and I kind of cut You off, because I was so afraid I would forget it, and I wanted to write it down. So can we start that whole conversation again, please? I was trying to wrap my mind around uniqueness versus self-centeredness, and that is when You interrupted.

Yes, you were thinking, as you often do, in dualities. Selfish or self-centered versus self-sacrificing or self-denying.

Yes, that was it! And You said there was a Third Way! Please, tell me again.

I told you to think about a jigsaw puzzle. Being selfish or self-centered would be like thinking you are the most important piece in the puzzle. Being self-sacrificing or self-denying in this sense does not mean putting the needs of someone else ahead of your own, which you all need to do from time to time, but not always, or in every single circumstance. Being self-denying as it relates to the puzzle would be to say, my piece is not important at all. The puzzle doesn’t need my piece.

The truth is, every piece is important to the puzzle. Have you ever tried to complete a jigsaw puzzle with pieces missing? Isn’t it frustrating until you figure out that not all the pieces are in the box? And if you get nearly finished and then discover a piece is missing, don’t you feel a great sense of let-down, of frustration, because without that one missing piece, the puzzle is incomplete.

Further, by trying so hard to be inconspicuous, even absent, that missing piece actually becomes, in a negative sense, the first thing you notice when you look at the puzzle in its entirety. You notice what is missing, not all the pieces that are there, in their places. You notice the lack first. By trying to be of no importance, the missing piece actually becomes the most important.

But what happens when every piece is in its place? The whole puzzle fits together, no matter how many pieces there are, no matter how intricate the pattern or design. Each tiny piece is essential to complete the pattern and to create the whole.

If everyone simply accepted this fact, that every piece is essential and important, that everyone has a unique contribution to make, and gifts to share with the world, what a different world you would inhabit!! No one would be trying to occupy the wrong space. No one would be vying for a larger or more important position. Every piece would be revered if only everyone had as a goal completing the whole picture. There would be no war and no enmity, for the purpose of completing the pattern would predominate over every other concern.

So do not worry about taking up more space, or less space, or no space. Take your place, fit yourself in to My Grand Design, and watch everything fall into place, like pieces of a puzzle, all around you.

But Lord, what if some pieces won’t play? I mean, what if some demand a larger share of the puzzle, or refuse to be a part of it at all, even if their motives for refusal are shyness, or fear, or even, they have been told they mustn’t take any public place? 

Don’t worry about other pieces. Just diligently search to find your own niche, your own place, and your own shape there. Complete your part of the puzzle in real time, in the time given to you. Do your part in making the picture beautifully and wonderfully complete.

So, Lord…I had this idea, what photograph to make to accompany this, and it is a Lion puzzle I have, which I thought was neat, because of the Chronicles of Narnia, and Aslan, so I chose it, and set up the image and realized after I clicked my shutter that the gap formed shows a heart! A heart on its side.

Yes, that was My little gift to you tonight. Can you dare to believe that you, as an individual and as a stand-in, as it were, for every human on the planet, that you complete My Heart? It’s true. Every human, as each one becomes his or her best self, completes My Heart, fills in the gaps that My Love has created specifically for them to find and fill. My Love is fully complete, you see, when it is received and shared.

God, You are amazing. Thank You.

 

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Shine

In the shower this morning I was remembering that verse, which we used to sing, the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn; it shines brighter and brighter until the full day. I’ve lived that, as a photographer. Watching the light come. Watching it grow in intensity and reach. And I’ve lived the opposite, which is how a lot of us think about our lives, I think, especially as we age–like the light of dusk, shining dimmer and dimmer until the full dark. But that is not what You said. Like so much of what You say, it is the exact opposite of what I would think. I would think ending and dusk and dark, and here You are, saying beginning and dawn and light. Full Day. So when we do think Full Day, we think Heaven. What I want to know is, what part–or is there a part–of Full Day life, of shining brighter and brighter life, is meant for here and now?

It is all meant for here and for now. The whole idea is, brighter and brighter. The culmination is Full Day, yes–but most people miss the brighter and brighter part. So those people may still have some concept, some idea, some hope, of a hereafter Full Day, but you are correct in thinking that people expect their path to grow dimmer, not brighter, as their bodies and minds age. Imagine for a moment an opposite reality. Imagine as your physical strength begins to diminish, that your spiritual sensitivity and strength ramps up and goes into overdrive. Imagine an acute awareness, a heightened perception, of My Presence, of all that Light and Bright implies. Imagine living in More Love, More Joy, More Peace, day after day after day. Imagine your connection to My Presence with you and within you growing, not dimming. Imagine the reach of your influence as you live your life in such increasing brightness. What you share with others would change. You would, in fact, become what I called My Children to be, what I Named Myself to be–the Light of the World. So your word for today is Shine!

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Please and Thank You

Lord, I want my photographs to do so much. I want them to give voice to the land. The land itself. And its birds and critters. I want people to connect to the land, when they see the images.

And I want them to give a visual voice to Your own heart. I want that, too. I want them to be “inspirational” — that is, inspired. Literally, God-breathed. Your breath in them. I want people’s spirits and emotions touched. I want that connection, too.

I want to experience that, as a both/and. I want that when I go outdoors, when I get to photograph–and again, when the images and their stories get shared; and I also want them to stand and shine all on their own, without me present. All of that. I want all of that.

I have lived that already but I want that to continue and if I may be so bold, I want that to increase. It sounds almost selfish or greedy until I remember and realize what it is I am actually asking. It’s like a person asking for food or water. Just because we ate yesterday or last week or last year, we need to eat again. We need to be hydrated, again. And if our bodies need that, over and over, how much more do our spirits and souls need that? And I am asking for extra, extra portions to share. I am asking for more than “enough.” I am asking for an overflow that feeds and nourishes others. 

Years and years ago, You hearkened back to Nehemiah, and You told me to ask. You told me to write it all out, like a letter, lay it before You, ask You to read it. So I am asking. Again. And thanking You for blessings bestowed already. Again. And standing with my hands out and up, again, to be filled to that overflowing point where my work touches others. I know in my heart that when others encounter You, directly or indirectly, overtly or subtly, that is the point of intersection where everything good happens–healing, comfort, strength, joy, life, love, peace. So I’m asking.

And what have I said? What have I promised? While you are yet asking, I hear. While you are yet daring to form your heart into words, I Am already sending your Yes.

What you are asking, what you are saying “please” for is the very purpose you are born to live. Everyone is born into the world bearing gifts. Everyone. No exceptions. Every child born is My Child. Every human living bears My likeness deep within. Everyone. What you are asking is that I would bless your bringing forth that which I planted in you from the beginning. How could I do otherwise than to bless and increase it?

Here is another facet to your gift, to the calling that is yours. Calling is a deliberate word for not only are you called in the sense you first learned the term, in church; that is, called to be in service to Me–your intuition that all are called is correct. There is not one child, not one adult, I have not called to Myself, and not called to become the best version of themselves. No, not one. You are also called to Call. I have told you this before: call the wild to you. Call the birds, call the creatures, call the light, call the land, call the sky. Call out and watch creation respond, to your heart and your great, glad love. But there is a third meaning. You are also called to Call to others through your work. Think of your work as a kind of echo. As it bounces off the hearts and souls and spirits of those who view it, something deep inside of them will answer. Something deep within will respond. It may be that they are already fully awake and will quickly hear the timbre of their own heart’s call, of My call to them, in the particular ways they are each meant to live out their gifts in the world. It may be they are lightly dozing and this inner echo will wake them to new possibilities and encouragement. And it may be that they are slumbering deeply, unaware of their own rich gifts. For these, their encounter with you or your work may be the very wake-up call they need to rise and take up their destiny, newly empowered and strengthened. It may be some receive confirmation of stirrings long felt but not fully understood. It may others receive comfort or healing and that opens the door to once again living a fuller, richer, deeper life.

Your calling is to hear, yes. To see, yes. To share, yes. And in all of that, your calling is to Call.

God, I don’t know what to say. You continue to speak so deeply into my heart and take my speech and my breath away. I am thinking like a coach might think, I guess. Or a conductor. 

You don’t have to worry about finding the proper role or position or instrument for these others. That is My Work within them. You just point the way, and I will take over–sometimes directly, sometimes through still others–from there.

Yes, Lord. And Lord? Thank You. I think I could spend the rest of my life just saying Please and Thank You, and it would sum up everything. Oh, and I love You. Always, ever, that. 

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Permission

I was just wishing I had more of my photos keyworded. Gosh, it would make things so much easier when I am trying to find an old image I never processed. And that prompts me to spin off into a whole series of to-do’s I never did, or finished. Sheesh. I had a productive day, though. The house looks better, finally. Kinda sorta. At least it looks better to me. I had paperwork to do and that is actually 90% finished. Last night I watched half of an hour-long podcast on creativity. I say watched–actually I half watched while I was sorting through papers on my desk, and even then, I managed only 30 minutes before I had to stop and give my full attention elsewhere. One of the questions the speaker was addressing was what stops you from creating? Several of the online participants said time, in one fashion or another. Yeah, me too. Or the sense that creativity is the reward after chores are done, which of course they never completely are. We have talked about this before, I know.  But somebody said something that I heard in a different way, somehow, and that was the phrase, Permission Slips. Give Yourself Permission. I remember permission slips–they let you go on field trips. I feel as if we have one coming at the end of the month. A Permission Slip. A Field Trip. I like the word slip, too — because I am thinking now not of a slip as in slip and fall, and not of the slip you wear under a skirt, but slipping out, slipping away, slipping through. A playful word, slip. Permission Slips. You didn’t fill them out yourself. I mean, you were not supposed to! It was for your parents to do. Your authority figures. The person in charge of you. I get the whole “give yourself permission” as an idea. Just not so much as a reality, ha! So if I came to You and asked You for a Permission Slip, what would You say? What would it say?

The Parent signs the slip. It is already filled out for whatever the permission is being sought to do. So let Me ask you–what would it say? What would you be asking My Permission for?

Oh! Oh. Well, dag, that stopped me in my tracks. Cliche intended. 

Why the cliche?

Because I miss animals. I miss wildlife. I miss being with them for more than a second, or five minutes. I miss being a part of their lives, I guess. I miss foxes. You know I miss foxes. I am going to spend the rest of my life, missing foxes.

Until you don’t.

Until I get over it, you mean.

Oh, no, I don’t mean that at all. You are not meant to “get over it.” Why would I want you to get over such a deep love?

Because it’s over. Because it’s gone.

Do you believe you still have the capacity to love another wild fox? Another wild critter?

Yes, Lord, I do.

Then your love life with the wild is not over. And while you may not see the fox you came to know so well, that does not mean your days of companionship with wildlife are over.

Really? Because I would so love that. Yes, I am eager for moments of connection–but honestly, I have been asking for moments only because–

Only because you think that is all you can hope for now. Moments. Brief glimpses, chance encounters.

Well, yes.

What if I told you your past life with your fox family was a prelude? What if I told you that experience was meant to prepare you for something even greater? Even deeper?

Are You telling me that? Because honestly, I don’t want to get my hopes up just to be disappointed. That would break my heart all over again. It is easier to be walled in, a little stoic.

But that is not honest. That is not who you are. You are so far from walled in and stoic.

God, being vulnerable, even to Your earth, it hurts, sometimes. 

And it is wildly joyous, too.

Yes, wildly joyous. That is why I miss it, I guess. 

What is happening with your little feral kitty?

Oh my goodness, she is hardly feral anymore! She lets me pick her up, she purrs loudly like a kitten, she nuzzles against me, she nuzzles against our Sheltie, it is amazing, the change in her.

Your love did that. Your trust did that. I have told you before, call the wild. Call them to come to you.

God, I called Freddi. I did. I called and walked and drove and called and wrote her a song and called some more. And she never came. I didn’t even see Patches!! I would love to meet Patches. If I can’t have Freddi, can I have Patches? I say that and then my shoulders slump. I’ve left Nags Head, left their territory. They didn’t leave me, I had to leave them. So what can I say about that? What can you say about that? What can anyone say about that?

Don’t fret, and don’t cry. Let Me restore the lost years. I happen to be very good at restoration.

Ha, yes Lord, yes You are. 

So let’s see that Permission Slip one more time.

Okay. Here goes. It says, I give Eve Turek permission to spend time outdoors creating another relationship with a wild fox family.

And you would like Me to sign that?

I would. So much. I know You could…You can do anything. 

I Am going to sign this slip for you. But before you go, I have something else for you. It is a whole booklet, a packet, of Permission Slips. Each one is pre-signed, by Me. Each one has your name at the top–

I Give My Child Eve Permission To…

and each one has a blank space for YOU to fill in.

Pre-signed?!? How can You do that?

Because I know you, I watch you, I trust you. You aren’t going to be selfish or foolish or hurtful with these slips. If anything you will try to overwrite your name with someone else’s, and give your blessings away. But these are written with indelible ink. These are for you.

God, the longer I hold on to these slips, the thicker the packet becomes. It is literally growing thicker in my hand by the second, as I am thinking about what these might look like. 

Yes, these are for your lifetime. You need a lot of slips, yet! There are a lot of field trips to come, a lot of adventures to have, a lot of books to read–and write–still in store. You are always asking for permission, even if you don’t ask aloud. So I want you to settle this in your heart, and this is a way you can do that. My Answer to you is Yes. The Answer is Yes; what is the question? Because I know who you are, and how you ask. So go live some Yes! Take My Permission and run with it! See where this leads you. The world awaits, and a beautiful, wondrous, alive world it is.

Wow, God, Permission Slips!! Thank You! 

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The Long Run

Lord, an old friend asked me today, how long have I been doing this, meaning, photographing. And really, the answer dates back to high school. But there is a subset of answer, too. How long have I been photographing in line with my own voice, and that is a much shorter time. I remember in the beginning of my era with switching to digital, wondering how others managed to make the images they did. And in that day, I probably would have even said “capture the images” but I don’t say that any more. I try not to even say “take.” I would rather say “make” or “receive.” I was looking back at a journal from that timeframe, and I am astounded at what You said way back then, so I want to write it down again here. As a reminder–so that when I get discouraged, which I do on occasion, I will have this to come back to. So here is what You said–

You’re not on a day hike. You are not capturing the surface, the obvious, taking glimpses and glances. This is like a marathon journey, like hiking the A.T., like moving into a landscape to discover its nuances, its depth, its rhythms and seasons. Go with what draws you. It is okay to notice where others pause, stop, camp. Some of the same spots may draw you, too. But there will be many other spots where you are drawn to linger and they rush on, unseeing. Find your own touchstones. Photograph, draw, paint and write what speaks to you at the time. You have no idea how much joy some of those pictures, that you saw first in your heart, will bring others. That is why you were there. That was the touchstone.

So here it is, more than 10 years later. 

And here you are. What have you learned?

Well, one thing I am learning, is how consistent Your Voice is. I look back, I look within, You seem to be saying the same things. Another thing is, how I seem to need that reassurance, which I guess is why You keep saying the same things! 

This is part of what it means to run a marathon. You need stamina. You need water. You need to know that I Am in this with you for the long haul. Why do runners run?

Well, I know one thing. Not many run to win. Seriously. I know some marathoners, incredible people. They run to run. They run to finish. They run because they can.

So why do you photograph?

Because I love it. I love the way I feel, outside. I love everything about it. I sense You there. And I love to share the stories, later. I do. 

Your stories, as you call them, have such an impact because they are slices of real life, your life. So I would reassure you, you have many miles to go before you sleep. So sleep well, little one. You are doing well.

 

 

 

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A Peachy Life

Lord, for years I heard the same Sunday message, about caring for the poor. Then we gave our offerings, and ate our breakfast and came home. Next week, we would do it all again. So what was I missing? Why the feeling of missing? What is it I want to hear?

You want to hear what everyone secretly wants to hear, that your life makes a difference. Not the five minutes it takes to decide whom to write your check to—all the other minutes. And it does. You have no idea how far a couple of hours with you, a few minutes with you will take those you encounter.

If your life was like a peach, what would you do with it? Would you eat it all, savoring each bite? Or would you stare at it on the counter, wondering if it was ripe enough, wondering how you’ll manage if you eat it all too quickly, until it rots there, waiting—as you wait—when I Am Lord of the Orchard! Eat your life! Enjoy the sweetness in every day. Let your own life and its particular joys nourish you once again.

Count your joys and watch them multiply. If you will eat of My Joy, then everything else you desire—health, financial stability—will also be yours. If it doesn’t make you happy, don’t think it, don’t wear it, don’t buy it, don’t photograph it, don’t entertain it, don’t welcome it in.

 

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Impact and Connection

Lord, are my days with wildlife numbered? Over?

Why would you say that? Or think that?

Because You said not to do natural history.

Whoa, wait, stop. I asked you to choose what kind of impact you want your work to have, and you chose the most spiritual impact. What makes you think wildlife isn’t a huge part of that?

It is? I mean, is it? Can it be?

Why not?

I don’t know, I thought I just needed these dreamy landscapes.

Serenity is important. Calm, quiet, peaceful is important. But not as ends in themselves, as a condition in which Connection happens.

Everyone else does wildlife primarily for natural history. For life-list bird sightings. For documenting behavior, nesting, feeding, breeding, whatever. You started there but you’ve moved beyond natural history. Natural history became a bridge, to the New Country.

You mean Eve’s Eden, the way I envision, the way I imagine? How can the images I make be different enough?

They already are. They already are because you say “please”—you say, “thank you”—you say, “I love you”, and you mean it. You’ve taught others this, but increasingly your work will have a sensitivity and connection others lack. You can’t help it; it is who you are and it is your destiny.

So…I am not wrong to long for impact?

Is a candle wrong for wanting to blaze, for wanting someone to come and light its wick? You were made to embrace the natural world, and bridge to Me.

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Mapping the Journey

Lord, can You help color in the picture of my life, Eve’s life, being of maximum effect for You? For Your kingdom? I keep coming back in my thought to all You’ve said. I feel a little like a kid playing with the box and not seeing what the amazing thing inside can do!

At least you are playing, you’re engaged—that’s a start. Once play is more comfortable, more of an automatic response, more possibilities will occur to you.

Oh. Oh, okay.

You’ve had such narrow thoughts about ministry. Those thoughts have been very much like playing with the box. They’ve boxed you in and now You are hearing Me calling you to “live outside the box.” What I really mean by that is, take the essence of what once was for you within the box, and live it in the world. Remember your old lyric: “I want to tell all the people I know that they can touch You, Lord.” That’s what I want, too, for you, for your life.

Lord, sometimes I think I’m missing the point and sometimes I think, is this it, this life I live, this is the point. Then I feel this weird combination of feelings, a cross or a mix between relief (it’s ok, I’m doing ok, I’m not disappointing You) and disappointment with myself because this life seems of such little effect compared to

Whoa. Stop right there. “Compared to.” That phrase causes so much trouble for you humans. I don’t want you to compare to or compare with. No one else’s life or experience is to be your mirror. I Am holding your believing mirror. Let Me fill in the map, not of where you have already been, but where you are going. I do want you to have a sense of what, and when. I want you to have Joy in the Journey, and part of that is anticipation. Vision Quests are meant to give vision! I’m not asking you to live in fog. I Am asking you to look to Me and My words to you for your path, your clear path. So let’s define for your life what “maximum effect” is. You’ve been trying to match that to pieces of others’ lives, like a puzzle. I’m going to give you a brand new picture, a brand new map, for your life. Keywords are Joy, and Connection, and Loving-Kindness—all of which bring Peace, as a result.

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Expansion

A little glimmer, a little shimmer, a little puff of wind. The day stretches and yawns into itself. I am quiet. Kaylee is scratching, restless. Lord, what would You say?

People think of expansion in many different ways. Your crop could yield more seeds, that is one way. The size of your fields could increase. You could have more outlets for your crop, so you waste less and store less. You could be more efficient in both planting and harvest.

Yes?

Another way to think about expansion is to diversify. You have fields AND an orchard. And you raise sheep for wool, say. In order to diversify, where the land produces a year-round, expanded offering, you need more help—help which I will provide. You are close to the limit of what you can provide in terms of cranking out product. The next big piece is the writing piece, and the workshop/speaking/teaching piece. Each will have a different audience and a bit of a different purpose, but it is all your land, all your territory. I do want you to dream again, and dream on paper. Dream on the page.

Lord, I write that down and I lean back. I lift my pen off the page. Why? What’s up with that, what’s up with me?

You think the very idea of having dreams and expressing them is selfish, self-centered, prideful. You forget about my planting seeds in you, seeds that sprout as your gifts and talents, as your inclinations and preferences, as your longings. All of these are My planting within you. So let’s examine those seeds, shall we?