Category: Calm

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Walk with Me

Lord, I have 15 minutes. Maybe 20. I have done everything except get quiet. I lay awake too long to begin, quiet. Lord?

You think you can’t hear Me in a “brainstorm.” Worse, you think I can’t hear you. When you cannot quiet your mind, I. Am. Still. Think about that. I Am Still. What if I cannot be still, cannot be still and know, you ask? Then look to Me, the Great I Am, the One Who Still Is, Who Is Always, Who Is Present, Who Is Both Active, and Still. Let My Peace penetrate your unknowing. Just walk with Me. You will find My companionship to be all you need today, to begin. To begin your day more centered, more grounded, more focused. Just walk with Me. Decide on a pace that lets you remember all you do know.

You are being Martha and neglecting Mary. Look up the verse. (I do that.) See what it says? I don’t scold Martha for being busy–which is what you always think. It is not the tMartha was busy, or that she had a lot that had to get done–which is what you say–it is that her attitude needed adjusting. And the best way to adjust attitude is to realign with Me, which is what Mary is doing in the story. It’s not about preferring one sister over the other. It is not even about sibling squabbles. It is about Martha being distracted, worried, and anxious or upset. Does this sound like anyone you know?

Okay, so there has to be a third way, for busy people. The story goes on to say only one thing is important.

Yes, and that is?

Oh, of course! Love! Love You, love others!

And–love yourself. Take care of yourself too–and living in a perpetual state of worry and distraction, even if you try to say it’s all about others, isn’t actually loving anybody. So, walk with Me. Let Me show you every day what your own “good part” is, what that looks like in the context of your work, your home, your family and friends, and the larger world.

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The Promise of Love

OK, I know what I want to talk to You about.

How come I am reluctant to talk to You when things are going badly–or might go badly–but I am quick to talk to You when things are going well? It’s the opposite of what I know a lot of people do. So what’s up with that? Why do I do that?

When things “go badly” as you say, this brings up for you all your old fears, all of which revolve around being abandoned, or punished, or both.

Why do I have those? I wasn’t raised that way.

No, but you were taught to fear Me, rather than to love Me, and taught that you had to please Me–in very specific ways–in order to secure My Love, or at the least, My favor, and My involvement in your daily life. You were taught, in other words, that My Love is conditional. And depending on whom you listen to, the conditions under which that Love flows may vary, but the idea that I love only under strict conditions is pervasive, and still persists within you. Worse, you were taught that all sorts of bad behavior, behavior you would not tolerate in an earthly parent, was to be accepted in the name of so-called Love, “for your own good” as a child of God, Bigger and more Powerful than you. Most of the time, you have grown enough in your relationship with Me to know differently, both by experience and by words, words you trust spoken through others and My own words to you. But in times of crisis, or great stress, you forget, and you fall back to an earlier way of perceiving and being.

It’s true! I went to the beach yesterday and tried to sing and walk, like I used to do, 30-some years ago.

And what happened?

Every time I looked up, I could see swaths of rainbow colors in two different clouds. It wasn’t raining where I was but it must have been raining offshore. And I kept thinking of the rainbow as a sign of Your promise and presence.

And so it is–and so it can be, for those with eyes to see and ears to hear. I Am not interested in punishing humanity. I Am very interested in saving humanity–which is to say in healing humanity, in restoring humanity, and in elevating humanity beyond small pettiness into great Love. I Am very interested in drawing humanity more fully into My Presence which, as you well know, is where transformation happens.

If you could transform one thing in your life, what would it be?

Only one? Ha!

Let’s start with one. Let’s see what happens from there. What one thing would you choose?

Gosh, God, I am thinking of so many things. But the one thing I would choose first, I think, is that the old default, which apparently is still active within me, of reacting in fear, which leads to doubt, and then to despair–I’d ditch that somehow. Instead I’d react b what I know, or say I know a lot of the time, about You. I’d react with Love, and all of Love’s outworking, like faith and courage and hope.

You do this all the time for others. It’s time, past time, you learn to do that for yourself.

How do I do that?

By playing a little game, and imagining, each time you are tempted to panic, or to give into fear, that you just learned of the triggering circumstances in the life of a best friend. Imagine she would listen to you, and your task is to speak, from your heart and Mine, into her fear. Into her upset. Into her stress. What would you say, if it wasn’t yourself you were talking to?

Hmm. I never thought of that. 

Give it a try. Treat yourself like your own best friend–and imagine you get to tell her what you know, deep in your heart, about Me. Tell it to yourself in those times you need to be reminded. Remember, David encouraged himself in God. You can too.

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Depth

God, I think about everything going on all around me, and it makes me realize all over again, that I need to practice gratitude, I need to take time to write out affirmations for myself, as a reminder. As a commitment. Like this: I am a blessing in my world. My commitment to love and to peace overrides all other agendas, in my shops, in my home, in my family, in all my relationships and encounters. There. Thank You, God. That feels MUCH better. It’s a choice. I need, I need to make good choices.

How would it be, how would it feel, if you spent a day, a whole day, not worrying? Not worrying about Pete. Not worrying about others’ moods or reactions. What if you could spend one entire day worry-free? What would fill your mind? What would fill your heart?

Gee, God, I don’t know! What would fill my mind? Are You saying it’s possible?

Do you think Jesus spent His days worrying?

Well, no. Of course not.

So if you can have the Mind of Christ, doesn’t that imply a new way to think? Not just new thoughts, but a new mechanism of thinking altogether?

A new mechanism?

Think for a minute about the ocean, how different it looks depending on the light, the wind, the sky, the time of day, whether there is fog–yet in all those appearances, the ocean is still itself. Sea life still teems beneath its surface.

Yes.

So much of what you see and think when you think “ocean” is, literally, on the surface. The same is true when you look at those around you. You see the surface-conditions and I see the heart. I see the depth and you see, mostly, the shallows.

So, Lord, what do You see when You look at me?

I see complexities of longings. I see multiplicities of gifts. And at the surface, I see you still settling for much less than I want to give you, and give through you.

But. There’s a BUT. I can feel it.

You are trying hard to maintain calm at the surface. If you can ever fully embrace calm at your depth, which is to say, to live from My assurance that all is well, then your surface calm will be a reflection of the calm and peace within. The BUT is, you are trying to live this backwards. You think you can project or engineer an outward calm by force of will and it will somehow penetrate inside you. Go deep, find peace there, and you will find within all you need to go long.

To go long?

Yes. To live out your days in genuine peace, in the Peace that passes understanding, in the Peace that does not waver or falter. In My Peace.

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Walking Alongside

God, I am so grateful we had the chance to get away, even if the time was short. We saw lots of pelicans—You know how I love them—and rode the beach, looking for dolphin, which we did not see, and shell beds, which we did find at low tide. No big whelks, but a couple small ones, three olive shells, a slough of scallop shells, one large starfish, AND a purple starfish—which brought me right back to our first anniversary on Ocracoke, and finding all those purple starfish 20 years ago. Somewhere in all my film images is a photograph of me, looking delighted, holding a purple starfish. I felt that exact same delight this week!  We heard a couple of our favorite Ocracoke musicians play live at a local restaurant one night, and ate lots of good local seafood while we were there. We saw a full moonrise and a warm, gentle sunset glow over the harbor and sound and sea. And we did relax, I know that.

 This afternoon we continued our sort of laid back vibe with lunch on the deck at Coastal Cantina, and then we came home and sat on our own porch in our own swing, just content. I think what makes vacation idyllic is the absence—if only briefly—from the myriad of responsibilities we both take on when we are home. I say that and pause, listening. Kaylee just grunted, happily napping. The sound of the compressor is cutting off and on, telling me he is in the garage making a frame. Both the washer and dryer have stopped, prompting me to get up and switch loads and start a new one. Just little things, noises of our daily lives. But it felt good to have different sounds in our ears—laughing gulls vying for attention, and the loud horn of the ferry to Cedar Island, and the whoosh of breaking and receding water.

Now back at a sprawling hill of paperwork, I know we are going to need Your help to stay balanced and connected, especially as we, I mean he, works to clear his framing equipment out of our Nags Head spot. I love the busyness of summer, Lord, I do. I just don’t want to get lost in the pace. I keep telling myself, come his birthday, the move will be over and we will settle into yet another new routine. I pray it is gentler for him, God. Still productive—he needs that, needs the sense of that—but gentler. Honestly, I wasn’t sure we would ever get to take another vacation, even a mini vacation away, so these few days were beyond a treat. Which brings me back around to where I began, with Thank You.

 

You easily let yourself become burdened. You take on the angst of others, from family and friends to the world, and it is much too heavy for you. You are not Atlas. Your shoulders were never meant to bear such weight.

What about sympathy and compassion, God? I know You told me before, not to be an empath, per se. But what about compassion?

What else did I say?

Ha, to show mercy with cheerfulness. But You also said to weep with those who weep.

And…

And to rejoice with those who rejoice.

Every day, you can find reasons to weep. But every day, you can also find reasons to rejoice. Living solely in one realm or the other is not only unbalanced, it is not fully honest. But too many in your circle tend to live more focused on the reasons to weep than the reasons to rejoice. Some react with depression, some with cynicism, some with sarcasm, some with despair. Because there are also reasons to rejoice, I Am asking you to react with hope. To react with faith. To meet life’s challenges with an assurance that is grounded in My Love for you—and for everyone around you. I Am asking you to keep walking, to not give up—and that means, to keep hope alive for your business and for your most precious relationships. Continue to ask Me for ways that you and Pete can celebrate your love for each other while in the middle of a busy and sometimes stressful life. Ask Me for ways you two can rejoice together. You have had your share, and more than your share, of weeping together—and weeping alone. It is okay to ask Me to help you rejoice, to find those happenings in your lives together to rejoice over.

Lord, sometimes it seems as if our world together is shrinking. Like today, sitting on that swing.

And how did you feel in those moments?

Content. Truly content. He was feeling okay—that is a big issue for me, how he is feeling physically moment to moment. Maybe I shouldn’t let that influence my emotional mood, but honestly, it does. If he feels good, I can feel my whole body unwind and settle down. I think…I think I have become hyper-vigilant, and not in a good way necessarily. Kind of like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Wanting to make sure I am right there to catch him if he falls—literally! As if I could. I hear myself sometimes and I just want to say to myself, be quiet already! Let the man be! But then I think, if I don’t watch out for him, who will? I feel like I am not doing my job, if I am not watching him like a hawk every minute.

And where does your joy go, in your vigilance?

Sheesh, out the proverbial clichéd window! Seriously, it just evaporates.

Then what makes you think your response is any part of My Will for you? Follow the Joy. Follow the Peace. Follow the Love. You think you are being loving, but actually you have elevated your worry and your stress over how he feels and tried to convince yourself these are spiritual, lofty responses. But they aren’t. They are very human responses to very real concerns. But don’t make the mistake of calling your worry or your stress faith. You know it isn’t. You know it doesn’t flow from the same place your contentment of this afternoon flowed from.

Ok, so this is not the direction I pictured this discussion going, but thank You. And I have a question. How AM I supposed to take care of him?

 Well, not by assuming he cannot care for himself. And not by thinking your watchfulness will prevent anything or everything that you might label as “bad” from happening. Eve, your bodies are aging, both of you. Eventually the shell and cocoon all of you inhabit now will be swallowed up in a blissful eternity. That is not something to fear—you know that. It is not something to dread—you know that, too. And the reason I Am saying this now is, your worry, your stress, your fear, your dread are robbing you, both of you, of moments right now. Moments like this afternoon’s, in your swing. If you can find the courage and the peace within yourself to truly let go, and determine to rejoice in all there is to rejoice over, and to revel in every peaceful and joyful moment, you will first of all enjoy your days more, and second, receive the strength you need when the time comes that you do have to assume more of a caregiving role than you need to now. You found that strength with your folks, so you know what I mean. For now, rejoice more. Laugh more. Play more. Flow more. Think of these days and weeks and months, all your latter years together, like a halcyon Indian Summer. Just revel in your time together. You already have had more years than you initially hoped for. Keep enjoying all your minutes together. Find reasons to rejoice and watch the joy in your lives, in both your lives, increase again.

I can’t carry him.

You cannot. You will both fall, if you try. But you CAN walk alongside him, which is all he really wants. It is all I Am asking of you, too. And if you look deep in your own heart, it is also all you want, all you long for. Just walk alongside.

 

 

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Uncertainty

Lord, I have this friend who describes herself as someone who has the gift, the ability, to hold the space of uncertainty while at the same time holding on to hope, and faith, and love, and even joy. To my eye, what she is doing is turning that uncertainty-space into sacred space. And to my mind, what she is doing is impossible! But she is living it out, every day. Some days are harder than other days, sure–but the fact she is here on Planet Earth, living this out, and has been, tells me the impossible is possible, here. It’s like that verse about the peace that “passes understanding.” I always picture runners when I hear that verse, and Understanding is doing the best it can, but it is exhausted, near the end of its lap, can barely move another step, and here comes Peace, fresh, with wide strides and bright eyes and Peace takes the baton from Understanding’s hand, just sprints onward with it, and I can imagine Peace whispering as it runs by, “you did well, go rest now.” Understanding isn’t going to win this race, God. It’s not in it to win it. Peace is. Somehow right this minute, that thought gives me a lot of comfort.

Then Peace is already doing its work in you. Don’t make this harder than it is. Letting go the baton is also letting go control.

Ouch!

Control is an illusion anyway, you know. Almost everything that happens around you is out of your control. So you are mostly responsible for what happens within you.

Lord, what about the philosophies that talk about the power of the mind, about affecting outer reality by our thoughts?

Most folks let “outer reality” dictate their thoughts, rather than the other way around. That is why I said, almost everything that happens around you is out of your control. You react to circumstances, rather than being proactive and preemptive. Let Me give you an example. You are late leaving for work. You are trying to rush, and traffic seems slower than usual. You seem to come up on more red lights than green ones. NOW you have a choice. You can give in to frustration. You can begin to take risks, take chances, drive aggressively, weave in and out of traffic, try to race through a yellow light. Even if you are able to do all that without getting into or causing an accident, with what attitude will you arrive at work? Will you be overflowing with peace and confidence, with joy and love, or will you be stressed, rushed, perhaps even angry or impatient? What will those around you receive from you when you walk in the door? Even if you are technically on time, are you coming as your best self?

What happens if you take an opposite approach? You are still behind schedule but you make a deliberate choice to focus on gratitude, on staying calm and centered in your values. You may arrive late, and be sorry for being late, but what else will you be carrying into your workplace? More serenity, more ability to focus and get your tasks done efficiently and timely when you do arrive.

God, that actually happened the other day. I was maybe five minutes late leaving, and exactly what You just said, happened! Slow traffic! Red lights! I fell further and further behind.

And what did you do?

Well, I realized about a third of the way there that my heart was beating faster and I was getting more and more upset, so I did the only thing I could think of. I sang. I sang about being in the right place at the right time, I sang about being a blessing in my world, I sang my love for You. By the time I was maybe 2/3 of the way there, I was calm, I was happy and funny thing, I wound up being a couple minutes early! I am not even sure how that happened!

You see? Your attitude helped pave the way, literally, for your circumstances to change. It won’t always be that obvious or that simple, you know that. But choosing to stay in mindful awareness of My Presence with you, and to choose peace, to choose gratitude, to choose joy, is in fact to choose to be the blessing in your world that you long to be.

So is that how I can begin to learn to live with uncertainty, God?

You already do, more than you are aware. Your challenge is to stay in Peace rather than drift into what-if scenarios that prompt stress or anxiety. Here is your challenge and My Promise, all wrapped into one reality: I will guide you, moment by moment, through any challenge you face, if you stay connected to Me. Hear Me again. I Will Guide You. THAT is the source of Peace-within-Uncertainty. You can rely on My Guidance. I Am not saying there will be no obstacles, or no grief, or no hardships. I Am saying what I Am always saying: I Am With You, and I Love You. Therein lies the only Peace you need, and trust Me when I say to you, it is more than enough.

 

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Just be you

Okay, God, I have a question. Say you feel you have been wronged, maybe not in a huge way, but still…what are we, what am I, supposed to do? Here is what I usually do–I get upset at first, and then I try to just let it go. I rarely confront, I rarely challenge the behavior, I rarely stand up, or at least, not for myself. I have  a friend who says, you teach people how to treat you. So I am always also thinking of how I want to be treated. So the Golden Rule rules, right? And that means walking away, right?

Let Me ask you a question in turn. If you offended a friend, wouldn’t you want that friend to tell you? Or if you made a genuine mistake, wouldn’t you want to know?

Well, yes. But I am not talking about a friend. The thing I am talking about now is literally a person I don’t know personally. I feel taken advantage of in one sense, and then in another, maybe what happened is okay. Maybe it will work out okay.

But you will never know that without bringing it up, without bringing the situation to light. And yet you think I would want you to keep silent. Keeping the peace and holding the peace doesn’t always mean silence. Sometimes it means having courage to speak, to say no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes. Sometimes it takes asking a hard question and being willing to wait for the answer, and then having the courage and discernment to ascertain whether the answer is truthful, or a deliberate lie, or a misunderstanding, or a mixing of all of that.

I think I was schooled for silence.

Many have been. But silence is not necessarily a virtue. Remember, My Word says, there is a time to keep silence AND a time to speak. I think this is a time to speak, for you. HOW you speak is the issue. Do you speak respectfully? Do you judge in advance or do you go into the conversation willing to both speak and listen? The answers to these questions will tell you, first, what is in your heart, and second, where you need to ask for My help.

So, Lord, here is the situation–as if You didn’t already know! Someone used one of my photos in a publication. My name is there–tiny. And they might have gotten that photo from someone else I DID give images to, with permission to publish, but it is not at all clear to me that is what happened, or how it happened. And in any case, I did not give explicit permission to these folks to publish it. On the other hand–I always can see another side–the credit is good, and I wouldn’t mind the chance to legitimately work with these folks and supply photographs. But not without permission, and not without some arrangement in writing. Is that wrong to ask for? I feel torn. If I make a stink, then I might never have a chance to work with or for these folks. If I keep quiet like nothing happened…well that doesn’t seem right, or fair to me, either. And that certainly wouldn’t give me opportunities!

Of course it is not wrong! For one thing, this is your livelihood. For another, I have told you that now is your time to shine, not to hide. Keeping silent in this case would be hiding. Make the call. Be yourself–not your apologetic, this-must-somehow-be-my-fault self. Your authentic self. Try it now. Take a breath. What would you say?

I think I would ask to speak to someone in charge, say who I am, and say I have questions about how my photograph was used, where they received it from, just needing to understand the sequence of events. And depending on how I am answered, then I would like to open a door for them to see more of my portfolio. But not for free, for the same renumeration others receive.

So what is wrong, or confrontational about that? Remember the Third Way. Neither the aggressor, nor the victim. If you go in peace, with peace in your heart, you can open many doors. The issue for you isn’t whether to be a peacemaker; that is who you are. The issue is are you willing to speak up at all?

Yes, Lord, I think I am. I think I need to be. Thank You.

Remember, I Am with you in everything, great and small, hard and easy. You can do this, on your terms. Just be you.

 

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Off Duty

So, Lord, I think this new cloak of mine is going to take a lot of getting used to. I was just sitting here thinking I felt pretty good, had a decent day, because (drum roll) I got so much done! Sheesh. 

It’s not about doing versus not-doing. It is about with what attitude are you doing. How did you feel today, running your errands, doing your paperwork?

I felt fairly relaxed for the most part, except once or twice, when I looked at the clock and felt that sense of being rushed, or rather, not moving fast enough myself. I did try to think all day long about what You said yesterday. I wasn’t sure how to switch gears exactly, but now that I think back, for the most part I wasn’t revved up. I made a list so I wouldn’t forget anything, and actually did all but one thing–I would have done that too but it was raining too hard at that point for that particular errand.

So you can actually balance your life with your work and your chores. You see? You were able to reach out briefly to friends today. You did your errands. You made real progress preparing for your upcoming buying trip. And you did it all with much less anxiety. You even got a little extra sleep this morning! You tried to remember to drink more water and you took bathroom breaks. I would say, for your first day, you were a great success wearing your new cloak!

Thanks, God. I do feel good tonight. I do. I even noodled around with a new lyric, sort of, in the car. And Kaylee was more affectionate, more playful, than she has been in a while. I could almost believe she sensed the change too.

Almost? You know how sensitive animals are. If such a change makes such a difference in her behavior in just one day, imagine the benefits that await you long-term.

You know, God, at one point this morning, I caught myself slipping into those old familiar thought patterns and I literally interrupted myself to say, no, today is going to be an incredible day!

And was it?

I am sitting here right now, feeling–and I do mean that word, feeling, I can feel Quiet, I can feel Calm. Peaceful. I am feeling at peace. I am feeling at peace with myself. That’s huge. And yes, I would have to label that as pretty incredible.

And what is happening to the earth?

Ha, God, You are so funny. It is spinning, spinning on its axis, revolving around the sun, keeping its place in the Universe. And all without me having to worry about it, ha! 

I Am not making fun of you. But it is helpful for you to see for yourself how playful and joyous this life can once again be, as long as you are focused on Being, on Being your best self. Sure, go, do–but from a center of being. And what did I promise you? That you will be even more productive, accomplish even more, and operate from a position of even more energy. So how do you feel physically?

I know bedtime is coming and I think I will sleep, but I don’t feel that same overarching fatigue I have been having. AND…this is incredible…although I planned to drink coffee in the afternoon, I didn’t. Somehow I didn’t need it. I got along just fine without it.

And you are not feeling exhausted now?

No. I’m not. I am actually feeling pretty good. Guess that will go down on my gratitude list tonight. Thank You, Lord.

Yes, I guess it will. Thank you–for receiving My peace. You know, I have called you to be a peacemaker, and a peacekeeper. And that begins with days like today, days when you are at peace first with yourself.

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Embrace life

Lord, I have such a racehorse, driven personality. How can I function in this flow-timing-easy receptivity kind of way?

Change the channel. How did you morph from clumsy to graceful? Transformation is your answer. Metamorphosis. Your drivenness is based in a falsehood of having to do it all yourself, having to push, having to work so very hard…then you can feel proud—and exhausted—look what I did—as a way to keep yourself safe. To prove something. To feel worthy.

I want us to create something amazing together. Not just a book or a blog, but a life. Everything you struggle over, or with, or against, is from this striving. Straining at gnats.

I want you, I need you, to model relaxation without drugs. Peace and Love without being high. The world is trying to escape the pressure through drugs and alcohol. So many Christians have eschewed that, but they have bought in to thinking life is enduring the pressure and overcoming the hardships, the hard and bitter road. They endure. Others escape—or try to.

Yours is the third way—Embrace. Embrace Life as a joyous, loving partner. Embrace Me, My Life.

Embrace and Celebrate is your key to flow, to receptivity. See? That is why you always find hearts. They are My little love-notes, hidden in plain sight.

Be who you are, connected and celebratory. Don’t strive for anything, opportunity, success, a sustainable gallery income. Instead, receive. Receive each day. Say, thank You God for this day, every morning, and mean it! Feel it! Feel Me here with you now.

Receiving is the key to everything. You can live a deeply centered life—not by teetering on the verge of losing your balance every second, focusing on not-falling; by sitting in Calm, focusing on receiving all that I Am.

Imagine an operating system upgrade for your soul. Imagine deleting all malware. Imagine emptying your whole trash folder daily. That is all you have to do—simple as that.

Thank You, God, for this time and this quiet.

I will—I have said—expand Time for you, but I cannot do that while you strive against the clock. As I said to Paul, it is hard for you to kick against the goads. It is not that you won’t be passionate or intense, but your purpose will change. Imagine horseback riding without fear, that exhilaration. You will have an exhilarating life, in the flow.

Let Me show you, more than you’ve seen All I Am in your Now. In this home-place, on this planet, in this era. Living in this community, owning this business, part of this family. Let Me in, really in, and like the Cat in the Hat watch Me set all to rights with exuberance, with delight, with fun, with playfulness. Everything the world seeks, you shall have, in your relationship with Me.

I need someone with a big heart to say a big Yes so I can be a Big God. I Am choosing, asking, calling you to be My partner in this. What do you say?

Lord, I say yes.

You let Me take care of how. This is going to be fun.

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Calm

Lord, the theme or challenge lately seems (again) to be health. I need to remember to be gentle with myself in my thinking. I need energy. We both do—some va-voom.

Your secret today really isn’t Power. You think it is—you think you have to rev your engine, “power through.” That will actually make you feel worse physically, and that will make you feel worse emotionally. Your secret today is to coast. Drift. Soak. This is a gentle day; start by being gentle with yourself. Eat gentle-to-digest foods. Treat yourself gently and easily. Sit a lot. Catch your breath. Your calm is what attracts most people to you. You have an opportunity to model that calm today.

Okay, thank You, Lord. I do feel better when calm.