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Perfection Unmasked

Thanks, Lord, for a great opening day at Yellowhouse. We were busy, busy enough that it was a struggle at times to get needed tasks done. But I am glad we went ahead and opened. It’s funny, I could probably have made a weak case for getting open a week ago, and I could have made a strong case for waiting another week!  We just weren’t ready last week…and both of us felt it was time, although there are still tweaks to be made and inventory to price and put out. So this brings up a question inside: how do we ever really know we are “ready” — especially when change is involved? Change can be exciting or feel risky, adventurous or intimidating. Any new chapter can be all of that at once! So how do we know we are ready?

Define ready.

Uh, well, in this case, ready would mean having the space organized enough to both showcase what we are offering and safe enough to move around in. Ready also means having enough to offer…aha, okay, I want to talk about that part, I guess. “Having enough to offer.” I can look around a retail space and decide yes or no. But inside? In my soul? How do I know I am ready for a next chapter when it involves giving something of myself I may not have given before, or not to this extent? You can’t know until you go, right? But gosh, that seems either scary, or arrogant (to assume you are ready or capable when you are not), or in some cases maybe too restrictive–you might never go, thinking you were never ready!

One of the legacies of your school years is this sense that the only acceptable state is perfection. “Not to get an A is to fail.” This runs deeper in you than you know. It is one thing to try to do your best. It is another thing to adopt a core belief that “your best” requires perfect performance, perfect discernment, never making any mistakes or missteps– in short, you allow yourself no room to really grow, no room to try, because “trying” implies a willingness to stretch into something that is by definition not yet perfect, not yet finished, otherwise, you wouldn’t be trying, you would be “doing” or “achieving.” How many experiences have you denied yourself over this notion that you could not try? That you had to go from 0 to 60 in a nanosecond. That you had to reach the goal line on the opening drive of the game. The pressure you received from those years is enormous and instead of diminishing over time, it has grown into an internal monster that accuses you always, never letting you rest, never letting you breathe. That monster will kill you prematurely if you keep giving it quarter. You need to unmask it for the liar it is. You need to compare its voice to Mine. You need to say, clearly and firmly, my life is not being graded. I am loved for who I am, for the heart with which I embrace others, for my genuineness in relationships, for my collaborative (not competitive) spirit, for my generosity with both time and treasure, and for my stubborn allegiance to ways of peace. Eve, you are not failing. Not at anything.

God, I had no idea this still ran so deep. This…this sense, of having to always, always achieve. I am sitting here crying and I don’t know how to stop being who I am, who I’ve been.

I just told you, this isn’t who you are. This is who you were told to be, encouraged to be. It doesn’t mean you are a slacker. It doesn’t mean you are not committed, or passionate about what you do. It does mean you love to learn.

I do, Lord, I do.

I know you do. It also means you love to share, you don’t hold back information or tips or hints — you are so far from stingy, with everything. Look at you now, being willing to be vulnerable, putting this out there.

Yes, well, You told me to.

I told you that you had a choice. You can choose to keep anything we talk about private, and I will love you and cherish you no less.

But God, I can’t be the only one, struggling with this sense of self.

No, you are not.

So I guess that is why I am willing to share. What if somebody, somebody like me, reads this, and says, oh good grief, she is writing about me, she is talking about me. Then it is all worth it.

Why worth it? Why do you say that?

Because maybe that someone will get a breakthrough, will receive understanding, and be gentler with themselves.

And what about you? When do you get to be gentler with yourself?

I don’t know. I keep thinking, once everything is “done” — but everything is never really done. There is always more.

Like another paper to write in school, another quiz to prepare for, another exam you have to ace.

Yes! Yes, exactly.

You see, this thinking has overlaid your approach to all of life. And it is taking the fun out of life. Were your school days happy? Did you just love school? Did you thrive on the pressure?

No, actually, I was unhappy inside most of those years, until I began to form a relationship with You. Before that, the depression was pretty severe, although I think I hid it well enough. So what do I do now? What is my–Your–third way for this? Obviously, it isn’t a half-hearted, who cares, kind of attitude. I guess I need a new definition for “do your best.” I am trying to remember what You said to me before, about perfection. About be ye perfect as your Father in Heaven is perfect, which, let me just say, is absolutely perfect. I am just saying.

Be WHOLE. Be COMPLETE. Be your best self. Those are better translations. Not be stressed to the max, be stretched thin, be unrelenting in self-pressure. I never said the fruit of My Spirit is perfect performance, now did I?

No.

Love…joy…peace…patience…goodness…you already strive to add those to everything you do. Let Perfection go. It is not a Fruit I seek. Ripe and Perfect are NOT the same thing. Ripe is another word for “ready.” You can be full, full of love, and overflow. You can be full of joy. You can be full of patience and kindness and peace and goodness. Let Me fill you up with Myself, united with your self, your gifts, your heart, your personality. But let’s fine-tune this part of you that thinks I require a perfect life. I just want a real life. An honest life. A united life, with Me.

Can we talk about this some more? All of a sudden I am really tired.

Of course you are. This is a lot to grapple with, a lot to take in. You have acknowledged a major player in your own mind’s assessment of yourself. That is a necessary first step, for you to see how ingrained this is, and how damaging. Now we can work on this together from here. For tonight, rest. Rest in peace, and sleep in joy. Know that you have My complete love and delight, not because you are perfect, but because you are you.

Okay, Lord, thank You. I love You, Lord.

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A Time to Sleep

Lord, You’ve said I can ask You anything, tell You anything and everything, be with You in and through everything.

Yes?

So, I got nothing.

What do you mean by nothing?

Ha, somehow that reminds me of a line from e.e.cummings, what got him was nothing… but this isn’t that exactly. I think I am just tired, and tired of saying I’m just tired, and feeling like a stuck record, repeating the same worn few notes over and over. I’m tired, I’m tired. The more I say I am tired, the tireder I feel. But to say I have boundless energy! I have amazing stamina! sounds so fake, so false. So do I tell the truth and focus on what is wrong, or what is lacking, or do I lie and say everything is great, if it isn’t?

You are seeing in dualities again. You are confusing truth, reality, perception and your limited experience, and failing to see the third way.

The third way? There is a third way about fatigue?

Of course. The third way is a paradox, both/and instead of either/or. So you are thinking you need to say EITHER I am tired OR I am energized. Why don’t you think what would be a more truthful, and fuller truth statement?

I started the day feeling bleary, got some energy from somewhere but am very tired again now.

And what time is it now?

Almost bedtime.

And you think you should be overflowing with energy because…why exactly? If you had the boundless energy you wish you had, you would only work yourself to a more serious exhaustion. There is the daily tired of tasks done, energy expended, which only needs a good night’s sleep to restore. There is the deeper soul-tired, like the kind that comes with significant times of challenge, challenging relationships or work stress, or financial pressure, or a health issue, maybe even a crisis. You think you are soul-tired but really, your body is tired, your mind is tired, your eyes are tired, and all of that needs consistent good nights of sleep. That’s all. Your soul is not tired. Your soul knows its Source and truthfully, you are working as hard as you are precisely because your soul is not tired. Your soul is receiving enough energy to keep your body and spirit going. All you really need is several nights of truly good sleep. See, that thought made you smile. Your needs and wants really are quite modest. So why don’t you try a third way statement about how you feel?

Ok, how about this: Lord, thank You for today. We are busy, but I still managed to deal with some of the inventory. I was able to connect, even if only briefly, with several customers even though the day was busy overall. I know my body needs rest and refreshing in order to perform at peak. Or even just to stay healthy enough to perform at all. So I am tired tonight, but it is the fatigue that comes from lots of tasks done and the realization there is much more left to do. I am going to bed soon, so I would like to ask Your blessing on my resting, that my sleep might be truly restful, that my body and soul and spirit may each rest and replenish their energy. There. How’s that?

Better. That is honest, acknowledging the truth of how you feel and what you need. That is all I Am asking you to do in these focused times we have together. Be real, be honest, tell Me–which really means, acknowledging in your own hearing as You tell Me–how you feel, where you are, and ask Me to be with you in whatever state you find yourself. I Am there anyway, but I am limited in how I can help you without your cooperation and openness. So when you ask Me for hep, you are opening yourself to My input. That is where change and miracles happen, through your open door.  You know how you say to yourself, I am dog-tired? Think about your dog, how she sleeps, how she eats, how she greets you at the end of her long waiting day, how she plays when she is feeling well. Whatever she is doing, she is all-in. She is completely immersed in that activity. Your attempts to multi-task, even how you try to keep thinking work thoughts when you are supposed to be relaxing, is not helping you, it is actually hindering your ability to get things done. So when it is time to rest, rest. Rest with your whole body and your whole heart. Be like the animals are, and rest in confidence and trust, and see how much better you feel at the start of your day.

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Essence and Experience

Lord, yesterday we talked about light, Your Presence like light, like I am aware of light. But the light changes–I mean, sometimes it is a subtle glow as with fog, and sometimes it blazes; sometimes it is bluer and sometimes it is warmer and golden. But You–You don’t change, You are always the same.

The Nature, the Essence, of Light is not changing. But your perception and experience of that light is different depending on circumstances like atmospheric conditions, or your own angle of view relative to the source. So it is with Me. There are times your circumstances cry out for a Healer, for Jehovah-Rapha. There are seasons when you need Me more as Jehovah-Jireh, your Provider. And what about those times you need wisdom, or discernment, or guidance? Those aren’t simply things I give you, these are integral to Who I Am, to My Very Being. That is why they are among My Names, each one of which reveals a facet of My Nature as the Great I Am. Remember your old song, He I Am; all you need, I Am? Try singing that today, really soaking in the words. It will strengthen and encourage you.

Ok, Lord, thank You. I can recall the chorus but not the verses. I will have to go hunt that up. Thank You.

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Living in the Light

The other day You asked, do I think we are as close as we can be? I guess my answer is a combination of the possible answers–a question back to You, there is more? We can be closer? I can sense Your Ever-Presence more? Or, I can be more aware of You all throughout the day–like I am very aware of the light, glancing out the windows. I could, I know be more deliberately dialed-in. So I have been talking. Now I want to listen. Lord?

You have grown much. Now you are like a faucet, aware at moments that you are connected to Water, and you turn the knob and let My life within you flow. Then you get busy–or distracted–or irritated–or frustrated–or afraid–and without realizing it, you turn the faucet off, or down to a drip or a trickle. You do well to conserve water, but when it comes to My Presence, I want you to begin to think of your life more like a stream, not confined indoors. Ah, that surprised you!

You fill up vessels at a sink, give away cups of water to the thirsty. Imagine if you knew and lived from a stream mindset and invited folks to join you there, where you live in Me. Even if they are there only for a Moment. Here is Birdsong. Here is Deer and here is Fox. Here is your cabin, your retreat house. And here is a view of the Western Ocean. Everything you love and need to thrive is here. These are all metaphors of your life in Me–now try to overlay that template onto your daily tasks, your routine.

Lord, I look around the house, and it is a wreck. And taxes! I need to do taxes!! Please, please, please, can You, will You, help me?

Little One, don’t fret. Don’t panic. This Stream holds no danger. Think about that for a moment. No Fear Here. Not for your health, not for your finances, not for your relationships. Try living one day–this day–Streamside. See what happens. Then come back and report in here.

Ok, Lord, well, now it is evening and…I don’t think I did that today. I mean, I did not have a bad day. I got a lot done, which is equal to a good day, these days. Not everything of course, but a lot. But I wasn’t actively, consciously aware of You all day today, either. So there is more for me to learn, obviously. That was the whole point of Your instruction, wasn’t it?

This wasn’t a test; remember, I know everything about you. But this was a good way to teach you by experience the answer to the question I asked you, and you then asked Me: can I be closer? So what do you think is your answer now?

Yes, obviously yes. But I honestly don’t know how or where to start.

You don’t have to teach a baby to breathe, or to swallow. Those two things are inborn. Unfortunately, the awareness of My Presence used to be as integral to humans as your physical breath.

But I don’t think about breathing; I just breathe. Aren’t I supposed to be thinking about You every minute? Isn’t that what this means?

Go back to your analogy of the light. How do you know what the light is doing?

I look. I look up and out. I can sometimes feel the change, sometimes a minute or two before it happens, even. It’s a sense, I guess.

And do you go through your day chanting Light Light Light, must remember Light Light Light?

Ha, Lord, no, of course not!

So, you see, thinking is not the answer. Awareness is. Feeling is. Knowing is.

I don’t think I understand.

Ah, yes, at last! You don’t–and you won’t. But you will Know, and you will Feel. And that is what living more consciously in My Presence will be like–it will be exactly like how you live in and with light itself.

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The Heart of Lent

Lord, the other day someone I love told me, I am giving up guilt for Lent. I thought that was brilliant! I’ve had pastors in past years speak about releasing, letting go of habits or patterns of life that are not in line with Your love or our best values. And I have heard others talk about sacrifice and giving up something we love to undergo a fast in order to somehow make ourselves more attuned to You. And I have heard still others say, no, Lent is not for doing without, Lent is for adding to — adding in habits or patterns that actually help a person draw closer to You or be more loving in their earthly relationships. Lent is really an invention of humans, meant to prepare us for Easter. What would You say about Lent, about all these different ideas about how to mark it?

The different ideas really reflect different human personalities.

Well, how should we mark it then?

The important thing is not how you mark Lent, nor even how you celebrate Easter. The important thing is, in light of Christmas, in light of Easter, how do you live? How do you live the other 360-some days? How do you live the 360 degrees of your life’s round circuit of the year, when you are not celebrating these signature “holy days” like Christmas, Easter, Pentecost, and your national holidays of Thanksgiving and New Year’s? What about all the other days? Too many ramp up what they think of as holiness during Lent, or during Advent, only to return to what they think of as secular lives during the other weeks of the year. What I would prefer is that you think of all your days as secular AND sacred. Both/And. No day is so secular that I Am not present. No day is more sacred than another. Every day, every hour, is present to Me and you are present to Me and I to you, at every moment. It is that presence that makes every second sacred. And I call you to live a sacred, consecrated life, in the middle of a very human existence, in community, with family, with friends, at work, at play, in business. What I mean by a consecrated life is a life in which you fully show up to be present while simultaneously aware of your connection to My Presence. One foot on the soil and one hand in heaven, so to speak. And your heart connected to both. So to answer your question about Lent, what I would say is, do you feel you are the most connected to Me you can possibly be, or is there room for a closer, deeper relationship? If you answer the question, there is no way I can be closer than I am living now, one of two things is true: you are very close to your Homegoing, or there is more for you to understand and grow into. And if you answer, I know I can be closer, but I don’t know how, then Lent has served its purpose. For I Am here to draw you and reach to you and teach you how to live a human life with a heavenly heart, with a heart connected to heaven and earth.

You saw the heart reflected tonight on the water, and you wondered, how can this phenomenon be happening? And I told you then, this is a reflection of your heart. And inside, you doubted. You doubted not Me but yourself. You doubted you were hearing My voice.

And then what happened? Your friend sent you a timely message written by Richard Rohr about divine radiance, about our human hearts being attuned to that radiant Presence, and how you need to keep your lens clean and your heart pure in order to see God. And where were you as she was preparing to send you that message? Out in the world, walking at sunset, camera in hand, very attuned to nature, beaming your own love of the land and the birds out from your heart. And what did you receive in return? A radiant heart shining and shimmering on the water. This is your calling, in Lent, in Advent, in all the other “ordinary times” — see with the eyes of your heart. See as God sees. And remember that the lens God chooses to see through magnifies good, and diminishes evil by applying mercy and grace and forgiveness and a seventy-times-seven second chance. So by all means, keep walking. Keep seeing. Keep sharing. And keep loving.

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The Edge of Light

Lord, I have friends going through hard times, all kinds of hard times. It’s hard to know how to feel. I am not exactly lost, though I haven’t been in these exact woods before, watching them hurt, watching them struggle.  I can see out the window the dark edge of one tree trunk, sharply defining its distance, its separation, from the lighter trunk behind it. Two individuals, one silhouette. How can I not be an empath, not take on, others’ sadness?  How can I stay focused and affirming and happy when it seems like their worlds are falling apart?

By remembering I Am the Burden-Bearer. By shifting the weight of it onto Me. By remembering I died for times like this–and rose–rose to overcome sorrow and mourning, death itself. By receiving afresh the joy I mean for you to have, the connection. By embracing Light–even at midnight. By knowing dawn comes, is inevitable. By seeking Me for guidance about your rest and priorities. You cannot carry others; they are too heavy for you. You can only bring them to Me, as you have done, as you continue to do. And walk with them. While you are with them, you may have to slow your pace–but you are not with them 24/7. So the rest of the time you must give over to Joy. Skip! Dance! Laugh! You know how laughter heals–don’t let this become a wound in you. Increasingly you trust Me for blessing–don’t let that go now. Trust for yourself and trust for your friends. It is okay to weep for them–I wept, with Mary and Martha over Lazarus–but don’t stay stuck there, weeping.

Roll away the stone of your own grief and call to life anything that has died within you. Mourn that no more. Call it to resurrection. Jubilee is restoration. Think resurrection, too. So many dreams are coming true for you now; call them all to you. Call them all. There is nothing you can want that doesn’t please Me, for you please Me, and your desires and dreams are True. Begin to name them. Make them yours. Let this be prayer for you. You want healing for others? Sing it home, call it out.

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Balancing Act

God, these times with You, they are like parentheses around my day, only what happens in between isn’t parenthetical, it’s integral. It’s the whole point! But You anchor me, before the day starts and near its closing. These times with You are like breathing for me, I take in, I release; I release, I take in. I can’t do one without the other. I can’t say Please without Thank You. Is this why people talk about Yin/Yang, about balance?

There are many ways to think about balance. You often think about balancing work and rest, or time alone with time spent with others. You think of a seesaw and wonder where the center point is, trying to measure your hours to find the middle. But what if one side is more heavily weighted than the other? What is the balance point then? I have told you before, one reason I gave Sabbath to humans was that rest was needed to balance work. You have taken that concept to mean, a lot of work, a little rest. Soon, little became even smaller, and then shrunk to almost none. This is not at all what I meant!

What centers you? What energizes you? What pulls and tugs at you in a way that weighs you down? What frees you so that you feel weightless and timeless? You have to answer all these questions for yourself, and your answers will change depending on circumstances. There is no single right answer, not for humanity, not even for you and your life. The answer is always moving just as the balance point is always moving, depending on the load of the day and the need of the moment. There are times when six days of rest are needed to counterbalance the weight of one day of work, of effort! This is why it is so important that you stay closely connected. You keep trying to fit into a cookie cutter life, a set schedule, a “now-I-have-it-figured-out” routine. None of those will work. For one, you would quickly get bored. Humanity in general, and you in particular are not cut out for a cookie cutter life. Same/same doesn’t serve your best, or others’. Instead, growth and freshness, and surprises, and opportunities, and change, and challenge—all those words you love sometimes and loathe sometimes—they are what make life interesting and worth getting up every morning to enter.

Every day at the start of the day, I want you to ask yourself these questions:

What is my best hope for this day? Not “every day” in general, but this day? What would bring me joy, today? How can I show love today and inspire peace, today?

Then at the end of each day, I want you to ask, what is my greatest gratitude today? What was the day’s best gift? If I had one do-over, what would that be, and why?

Then I want you to receive and release – receive the day, and release the day. Receive the next day, and release all prior days. Receive whatever you need from Me, in each today – strength, or hope, or grace, or wisdom, or guidance, or peace, or patience, or perseverance, or love, or joy, or peace, or faith…and then release to Me whatever you need to let go of or celebrate at the end of every day, whether fatigue or joy of accomplishment, whether regret or satisfaction, whether sorrow or deep gladness. Receive from Me and release to Me, like your breathing. And for each point of release, receive again. For regret receive grace and wisdom; for fatigue receive rest and replenishment, for sorrow receive comfort and mercy. For joy of accomplishment hear My echo of Well Done! For satisfaction or deep gladness, receive the capacity to hold even more. For the deep desire within you to serve, to be of use, receive direction to carry into each tomorrow.

This is the secret to balance. Receive and release; release and receive. If you can learn to feel your balance point and find it in the moment, you will be much less tired overall, and you will both enter and end each day more in tune with yourself, with Me, and with all that your life demands of you.

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Bedrock

One of the AlAnon questions I need to remember is, do you fail to recognize your accomplishments? I used to make myself a celebratory cup of special tea; now I reach for coffee’s caffeine as fuel to do more, not to stop and relish what I just did. I think about it, then turn aside as if I haven’t really earned it. Says who, and by what criteria? When I say yes, but…I am engaging in dialog with the wrong conversational partner. And I never need to say yes in any context to that voice.

You are tired, yes, but actually very healthy.

Huh?

You keep choosing gratitude. You stubbornly dig to bedrock. And every time, every time, you find there your true self and My great Love. That is the conglomerate of your bedrock, your solid foundation. Not just My great love–for you know that is at the center of every heart, if only everyone would go within to find it. You know that now. But what makes this your bedrock, the key secret ingredient, is you. You, united with My great Love.

Not just My Love for you. Some stop there. Not just My Love for those like you. Some stop there. My great Love for all. That is part of the fusing. Think metaphors for fusing. Think glass–art glass. We are fused. You are changed, transformed–and so is My great Love transformed–transformed, again, into a body I can use, into a soul, into an expression, an outlet in the world. This transfigures you and in turn, your yes transfigures My Love into your day, into your time, into and through your life. Think about fusing. There is more depth, more truth here than you know yet.

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Close Encounters of the Pelican Kind

Father God, I am having the best kind of deja vu. I am reading old journals, pouring over words we shared ten, eleven years ago, and two things are happening simultaneously. First, I am marveling at how what You said then, in advance, unfolded over the following months and years. How signposts You hinted at then came into full, glorious view later. And second, I seem to be reliving in real time now, what You said then, or what was happening then, but at a different level, like circling round a mountain coming around to the same view but different, because I am at a different plateau point now than I was then. I’m astonished, really.

Remember what I have told you: faith is the EVIDENCE of things not seen, or not seen as yet. The whole reason I speak in advance is to water and nurture your faith, so it can grow. Faith grows as a child grows, as a plant grows, with care and attention and the ideal conditions. I Am not interested in blasting your growth with blight or drought or pests to see if you persevere, if you are hardy enough. I Am interested in you bearing much fruit, and in creating the conditions where your fruitfulness flourishes. Above all, I Am interested in your growing into the self I see when I gaze deep inside you, the self that loves, that lives in peace, that exults in joy, that abounds in hope, that rejoices with others’ success as much as with your own. I see much growth in you, but the reality of living in eternity is that there is always room and opportunity for more growth. Your love can always expand. Your peace can reach wider, your joy can jump higher, your hope can cover more ground.

Ten years or so ago, I was rejoicing at my very first opportunity, in Ocracoke, to photograph pelicans at close range. Today, TODAY, after seeing a glimpse last fall, and hearing reports over the past couple of weeks, I had the chance to approach a lone pelican, on the dock in Duck, at close range. It was such deja vu, and made more so by what You said to me at that time. Lord, it was so key then, and I have the feeling that it is key again now. So here is what You said, what I felt, in those moments.

          “This morning I had this thought, this insight, about abundance, about living simply and doing with less, versus abundance. About being grateful for so many pelican pictures and thinking, that’s it, that’s too many, I can’t or shouldn’t have or want more. And the thought came, no. I am as grateful today for new pelican pictures as I was yesterday. I got to watch preening up close and at length. Wonderful. And the thought, to turn aside, not receive more, not look for more, was strong on one front, and its opposite was to receive, to celebrate, and to be grateful. Largess. Thank You Lord, for the time, the experiences, the photographs. This is expansive thinking. I have so much to understand here.

And then You said, You have so much to experience. You’ve relied too long on understanding, on others’ understanding. When you experience, you will know, and no one will take that knowing from you. You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. The Bible word for intimacy is to know. You will become one with this truth. A depth of experience–this is how you will know.

So Lord, I have to ask, why now? What is it that You are trying to say to me, now? All over again, an encounter with a pelican and all over again, that infusion of joy, of such deep gladness. 

Your quest for meaning, to make meaning, is great. It is one thing I love about you. But like anything else, even a great thing can be carried to an extreme where it is out of balance, and hurts the whole. What if I just wanted to give you a gift of joy? What if I just wanted you to play a little (or a lot)? What if I Am delighted with your delight, and rejoicing in your joy, and intending to catch your attention so you once again pay attention to your intention (all those plays on words intended). What if I came to you today disguised as Coyote, the Gentle Teacher, and the “gotcha” is to tickle you into rest by showering you with joy? Jesus disguised Himself for one moment as a Gardener and for another moment as an Itinerant traveler even His close disciples did not recognize. Imagine the joy when the Aha! was revealed. What if your current Vision Quest is to reveal to you once again the joy you experience when you just let go and be yourself, outside. What happened, after you saw the pelicans, in 2007?

Well, You asked me what else I would like to experience. And I said dolphins. And then we saw jumping dolphins up close in the Sound and surfing dolphins in the ocean, incredible!

Then, I was trying to persuade you about an important truth about Myself, and about you, about your capacity to receive. Now, I Am trying to do the same thing. You have received so much, and are so grateful, that paradoxically you are beginning to do the same thing you did eleven years ago. You are beginning to shut down, beginning to entertain a belief that says there is a limit to what you can experience and enjoy here on planet Earth, and that you are dangerously close to that limit, so you better ration out your blessings, lest you run out of blessing before you run out of time. Absurd, isn’t it, when you hear it expressed in such plain words?

I’m sorry, Lord.

Don’t be sorry. Just believe. Just believe I Am with you, I have much to show you and teach you and give you, and just believe that for all you receive, you don’t diminish either your later blessings or the blessings I have to bestow on everyone else. You are already struggling with the idea of abundance and largesse. The truth is even larger, more staggering, and the truth is infinity. But for now, let’s just concentrate on abundance, and on your willingness to say yes to more.

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Mind Mapping

Lord, even after all these years, when I pause, I have this thought of, “He’s not coming. He won’t speak.” Like a blank page, blank canvas thought. But I pause anyway. I am remembering reading the Mind Map book, years ago. How I loved it, how it puzzled me, how it gave me a new framework to think about thinking itself. Lord, what would Your Mind Map look like?

Instant explosion of color–dancing–delight–joy–hope. Everything positive, beautiful.

One of My Mind Map branches is you.

I never thought of that, but I know instinctively, it’s true. What does my branch look like?

That is what you are going on Vision Quest to find out.

Oh!

Your Vision Quest is not about deprivation. It’s about expansion. It is about focus, but the paradox is this–as we macro-focus, close-focus on you, on My Mind for you, your vision of yourself and for yourself will expand like looking through a wide-angle lens. My Vision, My Map, truly is infinite. I want to share more of My Map with you. That is what your Vision Quest is for. It’s not that I Am going to tell you everything that will happen. It is not about “what.” It is not about “when.” It is about “who.” Maybe some “why.” That may point the way toward some “what” but that is not what this is for. This is not a journey to discern decisions. It is to discover the self I see, not what the world sees. Not what you see. Even though your own vision has expanded, it is still just a glimpse. You are still just squinting through dark polarized lenses. This Light won’t blind you. It will free you. This is bigger, for you and in you, than Renewal was. That was all I had to work with at the time, and you opened to that. This is much, much more. More than these pages have been.

Don’t worry or concern yourself now about larger effects, larger purpose. Of course it will bless others as you live out the Quest, as you embody the Vision. That is your heart and part of My heart for you. But it begins with you, and that is where we begin as well. It is not selfish, it is life. It is not sin, it is love–My Love for you. It will change everything–it will seem like a Big Surprise, surprise after surprise, image after image.  You can’t “do” it wrong, this Quest, for I Am leading you. The only “wrong” would be to not come. But here you are, so that is settled. For today, take these thoughts with you. Dancing Delight. And “greater than Renewal.” Feel the excitement, the quickening, the eager anticipation. Hold that feeling, that intention. That is like your walking stick. Take that with you everywhere, like your rock. That is how you begin.