Author: evetureknaturephotography@gmail.com

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The Seat of Seeing

You know how I love that scene in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, in which Aragorn, troubled and unsure, diverts from the trail to sprint up the hill to sit a moment in the Seat of Seeing. In the story, what he sees mirrors his own uncertainty; all is murky and he winds up having to trust his heart for his next steps. For some reason the idea of a Seat of Seeing has always resonated deeply within me. I think the reason has to do with deliberate intention. When you choose to sit still in a Seat of Seeing, you are really asking to see, asking to know, asking to be led. And I know we can’t always KNOW…but I also know we can always be led, always hear our next right step.

So last week, while in Hendersonville, walking a mountain trail, I came to this rock formation and immediately I thought, a Seat of Seeing! I want to write about what happened next, what I felt and thought there, what it seemed to me You said there.

Like Aragorn, I was seeking direction. So I left the trail and walked up the slight incline to sit on the lowest of the rocks. There was a perfect ledge there, big enough for me to sit and even lay back. No sooner had I sat, wondering what will I see here (thinking maybe a bird would fly by or something), then I heard in what I have come to believe is Your voice speaking in my own mind thoughts I know did not originate in my own thinking. You said, “your future.” I did not expect that! That was startling and revelatory in a way I still don’t understand. Later in the week, I had a chance to sit on another rock, this one on flat ground with a tiny heart shape in its form. There, You said to me: You have need of patience. Yes, Lord. I know.

The whole experience, these two rocks, these two messages, a couple days apart, were connected in my mind and heart. Future…patience. I told someone recently what I read years ago: you can drive across country at night seeing only the next 50 feet in front of you. Sometimes (ok, all the time) I want to see way down the road. But You are calling me to trust. To trust, and to flow. That is what I believe You are saying to my life right now.

Look back at your own words above. Aragorn had to trust his heart. So do you. You have to trust that I Am speaking to your heart, yes. But you also have to trust your heart, in and of itself, for your heart is connected to My Heart. This is where your doubts arise. You question your decisions. And what have I told you about that?

You told me to choose from Love.

Exactly. If you choose from Love, you will never choose amiss, which is what Aragorn feared he was doing in the tale, choosing amiss. You cannot choose amiss if you choose from Love.

But what if things don’t work out?

You mean, what if the outcome is not what you originally envisioned?

Exactly!

If you hitch your choice to Love to a specific outcome or a specific set of circumstances that you plan out in advance, then you are not actually choosing Love above all. Remember, the choice to Love does not mean that you bow down to abuse or that you go along with others’ choices that are clearly not based in Love. Love will give you the courage to say yes, and also to say no. Love gives you the patience to wait, to be still, to listen, to be led. The important thing, the only important thing, is to choose from Love. Love’s flow will always, always move you in the right direction. Follow that flow, follow your heart, and you will be following My Voice, all the time, each and every time.

You also reminded me of that old hymn, He hides my soul in the cleft of the rock, and covers me there with His hand. I just remembered that, looking at the photograph. As I was getting back to my feet, sort of climbing back out of the wedge, the cleft, You brought that hymn to mind. And it was comforting and scary all at once.

Why scary, little one? Do you not believe I Myself Am choosing from Love?

Of course. But the world isn’t. And even in Love, people leave.

People die, you mean.

Yes. And it is hard.

You are still very earth-bound, and earth-bound is who I made you, all of you, to be. Remember, I created this earth, this beautiful earth, for you, as a gift–for a season. In this season you are in the body. After this season you will be in My Body, which is deathless, timeless, ageless. And healed. Healed of any manifestation that is not-Love. Imagine that! Who wouldn’t want that? Who wouldn’t long for that? That is your future, your destiny. But before that future, you have chapters yet to live on earth, in your body, choosing the Love that is Eternal. Living here, seeing Beyond. That is what I Am calling you more and more to do. To live both/and, remember? To see, to hear, to share both/and. Both IN the earthly body AND In My Heavenly one. To flow from My Spirit while in an earthly body. To feed the hungry heart, to quench the thirsty soul. You have so many ways to do just that! Some will receive in one way and others will receive in a different way. Lead and be led from Love. Always, always, from Love.

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Spring Forward

So, God, it is almost, truly, spring. We have already had the switch to daylight savings time. This past Monday, there were only about half a dozen swan in the cove, and it was so pretty, I walked down to my car to get my camera and long lens. I snapped a quick cell phone image first and good thing — when I returned, the swan were gone! And then I saw them, way off in the distance, flying away. Flying away north. Flying away to home, their other home. Just like that. The majority had left already; these were the last to go. And then, about an hour later, I left and checked on the osprey nest just north of us since I heard the first one calling that morning. Sure enough, the pair was home! Home for the spring and summer. Just like the swan, they had to make a journey. OH, I get it. Some go, some come, all head Home. Like my cousin who I cannot get out of my mind and heart. Oh.

Home-going is hard only for those waving goodby. To the travelers themselves, coming Home is wonderful, is glorious. It is good to go, it is good to come home. You know this yourself from all your own travels. You love to go, and you love to return.

It’s the leave-taking that is hard.

Yes, and the waiting. But notice what happened, even in your own experience. The osprey don’t take the place of the swan. They each have their own stories. But the presence of the osprey, the joy they bring in and of themselves, that is what helps fill your heart. So now it is a matter of focus. You could choose to fill your heart only with swan, with the memory of their being here all winter. You could let your heart linger there. And that is what memory is for. But — and this is a very important distinction — you can let your heart linger lightly with those swan while embracing the osprey. You can remember and rejoice, and yes, at the bigger goodbyes you can still shed tears, while at the same time choosing to spring forward. Choosing to let your heart find new loves, new reasons to rejoice, new seasons to explore and even celebrate. Some think that dishonors what once was, to be open to what is and what could be. But since I AM, and since I AM Timeless, I say to you, linger lightly. And Spring Forward. Do Both/And. Don’t refuse spring’s gifts thinking you have to be loyal and faithful in honoring winter. You honor winter by remembering, not by refusing to let the snow melt, let the ice thaw, and let your heart be warmed once again by the spring sun. So Spring Forward, little one. And trust that those you love will find their own ways forward into the same sun, warming their own hearts. Hold winter’s griefs up to the light of that sun and let My Love warm and comfort and heal.

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Restart

Lord, I have been absent from here. I have trouble re-booting once I have let something lapse. So I need Your help with this. Was this just for a season? Stopping feels like failing. Consistency is key, and I am not being consistent.

You are being consistent—just not online.

Lord, what do I say? What I have been saying in my head is, it was easier, actually, every day. I shared everything. Now, having to glean, and decide what, is somehow harder, and I freeze. I froze, I stopped, I wasn’t sure.

You began to doubt—doubt the work had purpose, doubt the work had impact. You began to question whether I was in the sharing of it at all.

Yes, I suppose so. What to keep, and what to give away.

You made it too hard, too complicated. What was your aim here in the beginning?

To share how we are with each other. How I sit with this notebook and listen to each thought I have and there You are. How I am led to photographs meant for me, meant for sharing.

Then what?

Well, to try to inspire others to find and grow their points of contact with You. To say it’s possible. To say it’s wonderful.

This was never meant to be a Dear Abby column.

Well, no!

But you tried to make it so. Instead of coming to the page as you have done for years, just to pour your heart out to Me, you began this subtle shift, of wanting to somehow bridge the gap others have, or feel they have, in their relationships with Me. You began to ask what you imagine—in your empathy, which is a strong gift in you—that they all might be thinking or feeling. Slowly and subtly you moved away from what you think and feel. Your motives were good and pure, but the shift derailed you. I didn’t call you to be a stand-in for anyone else, to come to Me like an emissary and return with a dispatch for another. I called you to Come. Come for yourself. Come and see. Come and hear. Come and walk. And then, I proposed that you share the fruit of all those mornings writing, all those moments seeing and photographing, to invite others along on your journey—Our journey. Not to try to craft journeys for your readers. That is another task entirely—but to allow them to peek and eavesdrop on Our journey. Yours, and Mine. If you can say yes once again to this, then Now Through A Glass has purpose and reach.

Just be me? With You?

Who else should you be? All I Am asking you to do is draw back the curtain on this life, this shared life.

Ok, God, then okay. Yes. 

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Immerse for Joy

I pause, notice kitty Barney, so relaxed, taking a snooze, and do something I have only done once since he got here; in fact, something I haven’t done much of at all since Mikey died. I stop and do a quick sketch, right in my journal. It’s funny, I could draw Mikey over and over and over. You said once, that is because I loved him so. So this sketch isn’t quite right, I am rusty, and Barney keeps moving. But I’ll get there, just like I did with Mikey. This was fun.

See? More Joy. Joy comes in noticing and immersing yourself. It’s what you do when you photograph–or write. You give attention.

So, how can I do this with chores, like vacuuming, say?

By noticing with every stroke, every sweep, how grateful you are for what surrounds you, the floor under your feet, each piece of furniture. Same with dusting. Allow yourself to linger a minute remembering some of the stories of the pieces you have decorating your home. Feel all over again the joy of acquiring each one–or, in the case of a family piece, some happy memory of the person it belonged to before you. You have many antiques from your mom; imagine their stories. If you cannot imagine their stories and have none of your own, then no matter their economic value, they have no heart-value to you, and it is time to let them go.

Really?

Of course. The key to loving your home, like loving anything else, is attention. You choose to pay attention to Barney, to signal to him agin and again that he is safe, and loved, and you are winning his love and his trust as a result

I do love him, Lord–even when he nips at me, I do love him.

Of course you do; that is who you are. And there is a big difference between what you are doing to bond with Barney and enduring abuse. No one is called to do that, because deliberate unkindness, or worse, is no part of My Nature or My Kingdom, and those are chains I would break, every time.

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Walk with Me

Lord, I have 15 minutes. Maybe 20. I have done everything except get quiet. I lay awake too long to begin, quiet. Lord?

You think you can’t hear Me in a “brainstorm.” Worse, you think I can’t hear you. When you cannot quiet your mind, I. Am. Still. Think about that. I Am Still. What if I cannot be still, cannot be still and know, you ask? Then look to Me, the Great I Am, the One Who Still Is, Who Is Always, Who Is Present, Who Is Both Active, and Still. Let My Peace penetrate your unknowing. Just walk with Me. You will find My companionship to be all you need today, to begin. To begin your day more centered, more grounded, more focused. Just walk with Me. Decide on a pace that lets you remember all you do know.

You are being Martha and neglecting Mary. Look up the verse. (I do that.) See what it says? I don’t scold Martha for being busy–which is what you always think. It is not the tMartha was busy, or that she had a lot that had to get done–which is what you say–it is that her attitude needed adjusting. And the best way to adjust attitude is to realign with Me, which is what Mary is doing in the story. It’s not about preferring one sister over the other. It is not even about sibling squabbles. It is about Martha being distracted, worried, and anxious or upset. Does this sound like anyone you know?

Okay, so there has to be a third way, for busy people. The story goes on to say only one thing is important.

Yes, and that is?

Oh, of course! Love! Love You, love others!

And–love yourself. Take care of yourself too–and living in a perpetual state of worry and distraction, even if you try to say it’s all about others, isn’t actually loving anybody. So, walk with Me. Let Me show you every day what your own “good part” is, what that looks like in the context of your work, your home, your family and friends, and the larger world.

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A teachable moment

Lord, I heard You gentle admonishing me about focusing too much lately on the mechanics, and thereby losing inspiration, and creativity, and my heart in the process. Yes, I know I have. Oh, and You started to say something when I first woke up, about teaching.

I said you have started thinking of our conversations primarily as “teachable moments;” that I would speak only when I have something to teach you. It is true that Teacher is one of My Names, one facet of Who I Am to you–but only one.

Sometimes I just want to hear your voice–and your laughter, your joy–and sometimes I just want to share this experience of our union. As mystical and mysterious as this is for you, it is also wondrous for Me. I created the world and set everything in motion for Love. Love Gives and Love Shares. Mostly I just want to Be, with you. With all of you–meaning, all you are, and also, every single one of you. I don’t want to be with you just as a brilliant professor, or a training officer, but as a loving parent–and best friend–and your SuperPowerHero all rolled into one.

When you eat a candy bar, what do you taste? The chocolate? The caramel? The coconut? The nuts? What about a pot of soup or stew? Each ingredient adds to the complexity of flavor, and in the case of the stew, each contributes to the overall nutritional value. Yes, I want to enlighten your mind. But I also want to delight your senses, expand your capacity to give and receive love, and surprise you with wonders you never imagined. I want to spark creative ideas and outpourings that bless you and the larger world. I want to play with you in the sandbox you call earth, and the larger playground you call universe. I want to reveal more and more of Who I Am. Don’t obsess on one ingredient, one flavor. Let Me be fully God, for you and in you and through you–and watch your world change as a result.

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Light So Bright

So, Lord, this has been a roller-coaster couple of weeks, the plunge point being Pete spiking his 4th or 5th fever, I lost count, with two trips to his regular doctor’s office culminating in an ambulance ride to the ER. And he is much, much better now. But. So the hospital ruled out all the seemingly serious stuff, like pneumonia; the doctor’s office swabbed for flu, and that was negative, so it seemed as if he had some sort of virus. Then the hospital called back six days later, and turns out they had sent his urine for a culture, and he had a UTI. Once he started on a new antibiotic, he felt so much better right away, and we have had no more shaking chills, no more high fevers. But. The but is, I was calm during all that, but kind of an inside mess afterwards. I didn’t sleep well, agitated. And now that fatigue has piled up, and I wound up napping today.  I am so relieved this was caught in time, before it became something too serious. But it could have been. And one day, it will be. Just writing that, my heart rate kicks up, I can feel it, and I am breathing more rapidly. I signed up for this–I know that. But it’s hard.

No, you didn’t. Not exactly. No human really ever “signs up” for the loss of someone they love. Remember, Death was–in the ways you experience it–never My idea. I planted a Tree of Life in the Garden, remember? That is why I have transformed Death into a Door, a Door I Myself Am. A Door I Myself walked through in human form so I could transform the Door into a Doorway, A Gateway, into Life.

Remember the vision you had, a couple days ago? Of walking into a Light so bright everything else fades and dims? Hold to that. Hold to that for yourself, and hold to that for everyone you love who has gone–or will go–before you.

You’ve had glimpses of this before, quick visual images. Now I want these glimpses to begin to permeate and resonate in your other senses, too, starting with hearing. You will begin to hear, in your mind’s ear, some of heaven’s music, as you hear My Voice, as you see in your mind’s eye.

In the midst of writing that, I mean, right that second about hearing, I hear my phone ping a message.

Yes, this will be that sudden–and in the beginning that startling. But it is time the Silent Movies end and you begin to integrate sight and sound.

Lord, kitty Barney is all stretched out. So relaxed.

Yes, that is what I want for you, the deep relaxation that comes from deep trust, from knowing all is truly well and you are loved, and cared for.

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Friends

I am…restless. Can’t settle my thoughts or my body. I need to settle though. I need to calm down. God, I just need to hear from You, a bite of daily bread.

You have put yourself on a diet I never called you to.

So many times, you enslave yourself. You are your own taskmaster–more bricks, less straw–and you try to amp up what you think of as your duty, your service, while neglecting to feed your soul. Remember years ago, when you wrote that lyric, Love is Service? That is not all Love is. Love is Sharing. Love is Giving, yes–but also receiving, also allowing the Other the joy of giving. Love is gratefully receiving as well as generously giving. You keep forgetting the balance.

“I have no longer called you servants.” Stop the sentence right there. That blows your idea, Love is Service, right out of the water. What did I say: “I have called you friends.” Why the distinction? Sharing. I went on to say, servants don’t know the master’s business, what the master is up to–but I have shared all from My Father with you. Did you think this was only for a chosen few, some 2,000 years ago? This is for everyone and all time: NOT servants. No Longer Servants. I Am not seeking servants, not calling servants. I Am seeking, and calling, and making Friends. Friends share and confide; they listen and encourage; they counsel; and they rejoice with each other. They have fun together.

Let’s be Friends today. And tomorrow. And then, the day after that. “No longer servants, but friends.”

 

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Give-Away

Lord, You said an extraordinary thing to me the other morning. I was driving, not taking notes. And by the way, I love that we can talk, do talk, anytime, anywhere. Thank You. Thank You for that. So I want to restart that conversation, because I never got back to You on what You began to tell me.

I was thinking about friends who are vegetarian, and wishing I were, actually. And thinking how often, even though I try to thank You, and thank the animals, for my food, I regret that something else died so I could be nourished. In the midst of that thought, which is a very old thought for me, I remembered the verses in Genesis, where in the beginning of the story, The Great Story, You gave humans the green growing plants to eat. And then after the Ark, You added in the animals. And so, driving the other morning, I said to You, why did You do that? I wish You had never done that!! And then You said…

I said, it was the animals’ thank-you to humankind, for saving them in the great flood. It was their idea, to give-away back to humanity.

So…NOT Your idea. I mean, You didn’t. I mean. I don’t know what I mean. You didn’t force them. You didn’t throw them under the bus, so to speak.

No.

But if I am reading the story right–and let me just say, maybe I am not, maybe all of us aren’t–the point of the whole story seems to be, You made the flood happen in the first place. The story’s point is, You caused all that destruction, to punish and destroy humanity. Because we were, collectively, so awful.

That is one way to read the story. Here is another: how many times have you wished for a do-over? You’ve wished that the minute a sentence came out of your mouth and you saw the reaction on the face of the one you were speaking to. Or you took an action you later regretted. You’ve wished for whole chapters, months and years of your younger days to be rewritten. The idea of a Great Ark and a Great Flood could be read as a story of destruction. It can also be read as a story of redemption and hope. In the story, Noah spent years building that Ark. It could have held much more than sailed with him. The point is that many were invited to come aboard, but refused. Who listened? The animals listened–as you sometimes experience them listening to you. It is really a story, again, about taming and saving this planet’s creatures, more than a story about condemning this planet’s peoples. It is a story about choices, and consequences, and about one man’s determination to do all the good he could, for anyone and anything that would listen to him. Noah did not view creation as something to be exploited but as something to be cherished, and preserved. That is one lesson of the story that is rarely taught. And in response, the animals thus spared decided to forever knit their lives with humanity by giving the ultimate sacrifice and allowing themselves to exchange their individual lives for the health and nourishment of humanity.

So when you eat, you do well to remember their earliest intent. Try not to focus on the product, or the process, at least not at first. It’s the same as when you ask for an animal or a bird to come to be photographed. They are nourishing you. You are calling them, and they are coming to you. If you continue to approach your photography with love in your heart, you will not have subjects, you will have collaborators. The creatures will collaborate with you. And if you could approach your meals with the same love, the same receptivity, you would find your body strengthened and nourished so that you could continue the work I have called you to do.

Eventually, everything and everyone comes Home to Me. So much fear has been woven into this! But I Am Source. From Me you have come and to Me you will return–all of you, all of everything. Some sooner, some later. Some dancing, some weeping. But all come. All come Home. And here is the Mystery: all find Love waiting. For Love overcomes All. Love overcomes fear, Love overcomes greed, Love overcomes pride, and at the last, Love overcomes Death. Light overtakes darkness, all the time, every time, and beyond Time.

So whether a deer dies of old age in the forest, or gives away to an arrow or a rifle, that deer comes Home to Me. And whether a young hunter dies of starvation in a harsh winter, or is nourished by a Give-Away deer, and lives to grow strong and lead his people for many years, in the end, the hunter comes Home to Me. Sometimes people give up too soon. The hunter could have said, it is no use. There is no game to feed me or my family. Many among you have not, because they ask not. More and more you are being schooled to believe that I Am Not. Not Good. Not Loving. Not Involved. Not Participatory. Not a Healer. Not a Provider. Not Interested. Or, simply, Not. Not Real. But I Am. Someday, all of those who believed Not, and taught Not, and spoke Not, shall too come Home. They shall come Home and find Love waiting. And all their Not shall come to Naught, and the Great Yes shall overtake them. The Yes of My Redeeming Love.

God, that’s mercy. That is extraordinary mercy. From You. From creation. And for us. I mean, humans. Honestly, we don’t really deserve it.

This is not a story about deserving. This is a story about Loving. This is a story about Great Love. Go thou and…  You get to fill in the blank. All of you. So what role will you play in the great love story of creation, unfolding? Every day is a new opportunity. Who and whose will you be today? Every rivulet in a waterfall flows in its own way, yet all have the same source. All are part of the whole and all are pure. Stay pure. Flow in Love.

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The Promise of Love

OK, I know what I want to talk to You about.

How come I am reluctant to talk to You when things are going badly–or might go badly–but I am quick to talk to You when things are going well? It’s the opposite of what I know a lot of people do. So what’s up with that? Why do I do that?

When things “go badly” as you say, this brings up for you all your old fears, all of which revolve around being abandoned, or punished, or both.

Why do I have those? I wasn’t raised that way.

No, but you were taught to fear Me, rather than to love Me, and taught that you had to please Me–in very specific ways–in order to secure My Love, or at the least, My favor, and My involvement in your daily life. You were taught, in other words, that My Love is conditional. And depending on whom you listen to, the conditions under which that Love flows may vary, but the idea that I love only under strict conditions is pervasive, and still persists within you. Worse, you were taught that all sorts of bad behavior, behavior you would not tolerate in an earthly parent, was to be accepted in the name of so-called Love, “for your own good” as a child of God, Bigger and more Powerful than you. Most of the time, you have grown enough in your relationship with Me to know differently, both by experience and by words, words you trust spoken through others and My own words to you. But in times of crisis, or great stress, you forget, and you fall back to an earlier way of perceiving and being.

It’s true! I went to the beach yesterday and tried to sing and walk, like I used to do, 30-some years ago.

And what happened?

Every time I looked up, I could see swaths of rainbow colors in two different clouds. It wasn’t raining where I was but it must have been raining offshore. And I kept thinking of the rainbow as a sign of Your promise and presence.

And so it is–and so it can be, for those with eyes to see and ears to hear. I Am not interested in punishing humanity. I Am very interested in saving humanity–which is to say in healing humanity, in restoring humanity, and in elevating humanity beyond small pettiness into great Love. I Am very interested in drawing humanity more fully into My Presence which, as you well know, is where transformation happens.

If you could transform one thing in your life, what would it be?

Only one? Ha!

Let’s start with one. Let’s see what happens from there. What one thing would you choose?

Gosh, God, I am thinking of so many things. But the one thing I would choose first, I think, is that the old default, which apparently is still active within me, of reacting in fear, which leads to doubt, and then to despair–I’d ditch that somehow. Instead I’d react b what I know, or say I know a lot of the time, about You. I’d react with Love, and all of Love’s outworking, like faith and courage and hope.

You do this all the time for others. It’s time, past time, you learn to do that for yourself.

How do I do that?

By playing a little game, and imagining, each time you are tempted to panic, or to give into fear, that you just learned of the triggering circumstances in the life of a best friend. Imagine she would listen to you, and your task is to speak, from your heart and Mine, into her fear. Into her upset. Into her stress. What would you say, if it wasn’t yourself you were talking to?

Hmm. I never thought of that. 

Give it a try. Treat yourself like your own best friend–and imagine you get to tell her what you know, deep in your heart, about Me. Tell it to yourself in those times you need to be reminded. Remember, David encouraged himself in God. You can too.