Oh, Father God! I just “randomly” — but actually I know I was led — picked up an old, old journal. Spring 2012. I’m thumbing through, and reading about writing. About writing more than dialog–which is exactly what You and I have been talking about, six years, six long years later. So on the page I brainstormed titles, I listed possible themes, and then I turned the page. And reading, I turn the page, and I suddenly feel as if I have stepped into a Time Tunnel (one of my favorite shows as a kid, I had a huge crush on James Darren) and I am somehow suspended there, or that my former self and my current self are meeting in these pages. I am reading back and it is as if I am reading what I wrote just days ago, not years ago.
Here it is: Lord, I’ve always wanted to write fantasy, I suddenly realize, because in fantasy things work out. (Current Note: Like Eden!!) You can envision a world where magic happens, and sets to rights. Where ordinary people receive gifts of power and purpose and use them to make a difference in their worlds. Since you’re the crafter of the world, you can make it “work.” You can make it beautiful. You aren’t “naive” — I hate, I admit it, that criticism of myself but what if I embrace it and instead call it was it is, which is Innocence. (The very thing You JUST asked me to write! Not even a week ago, in 2018!) And prophetic. And creative. And cathartic. Aha, a new and blessed way to think about naive. Aha. Thank You, Lord.
Right about then, six years ago, the dogs woke Pete and I stopped writing. The next day I journaled about an early named storm and the several days of rain to come. And then You answered my barely whispered fear, about the storm, about the economy, in words that, again, echo what You told me just yesterday, about Peace:
The world and its circumstances will try continually to pull you off-center. If you can stay in your center with Me, the tug and pull of that will become less and less. Re-magnetize yourself to My Promises and all this tugging and pulling will switch to pushing–to bringing you even more closely aligned with My Will for you life, which can be summed up in one word: blessing. My Will for your life is blessing. Blessing you and through you blessing others. O, little one, do not be afraid. Your path is peace and that means inner peace most of all. I want you to drink from My River of Peace, Deep Peace. Deep Peace of the Running Wave to you. Deep Peace of the Quiet Pool to you Remember the little shell dove on the path at Bodie Island? I Am not scolding you, I Am soothing you. I Am calming you. Maybe you could find something restful, something peaceful, to do today. You smile at that thought, but I mean it.
Lord, I look around and all that fills my thoughts are the need-to’s.
You need to take a deep breath. Maybe you need to journal. Why don’t you write down some things that bring you peace, that are restful and calming?
So good grief, God! Have I learned nothing in six years?!? Â And this can’t be a coincidence, either. Six years ago, You talk to me about writing, and then about peace, deep peace, Inner Peace and Calm. And now, You talk to me about writing and then again, about deep peace. So the two are, they have to be connected.
You dialog with Me on the Page, you play and sing, you photograph, you speak, all from a deep inner spring that connects directly to the depth My Spirit provides. It is much like a spring in the natural, that taps into an underground aquifer of purest water. You need to write from this same depth, but you have spent literally years, decades, capping that well.
So, God, again I turn the page and it is all I can do not to cry, because I have been thinking lately about the music, and here come two full pages of dialog, in which I am asking you the exact same questions I have been asking You now. And then I used the word should, as in should I or shouldn’t I do this or that, and You said could, and You said confirmation and a sense of direction. And I didn’t. I didn’t do one single thing written there, in the list of I could. Not one.Â
Now do you understand why I spoke the same words again? Gave you the same prompts again? Led you to this exact notebook and these exact pages, to re-affirm to you, once again, you COULD. Not you must. Not you should. But yes, still, you could.
The chance has not passed, passed me by?
Would I be leading you here again if that were so? I Am the God of many, many chances, of many, many coulds. In some ways you are in a stronger position now. You feel too much time has passed. I Who Am Timeless say, your Time is still Now. Always, still, Now. Even, Now. So you could begin. You could begin again.
Full Circle. You just brought me full circle.
Yes, that is what I do.
How many times, Lord?
As many times as it takes.