So, Lord, I have been reading “the archives” again–old journals, at Your direction, this time dating from 2009. I was wondering what to read, I heard You say 2009, I went to my shelf of notebooks and chose one at random, and yup, July 2009 was page one. And in thinking about all You said then, and all You are saying now, and how fresh those 9 year old words seem, I remembered You are Timeless. Somehow that word impacted me this morning in relation to Your words. What You said, what You say. Timeless. So sometimes You give me direction that is or seems very specific for a task at hand. But sometimes, like these entries I am reading back through now, the words do seem timeless, as if You spoke them now. They seem applicable in today’s circumstances just as much as they did back when I wrote them down. Sometimes, in fact, they seem even more appropriate now! And I have been remembering an old, old lyric:
Oh, Lord, You’re Timeless,
And when You touch my heart
Words like end and start
change meaning
Oh, Lord, You’re Timeless,
And I need to let go
of what I think I know
to meet You…
What do you think you know, that you need to let go of?
Hoo boy! Uh, I don’t know how to answer that. I think I know You are Good. But that is not something to let go of. Oh! I just thought of something. I think You are disappointed in me, in my effort or performance, in my choices. In how I spend my time, in what I do or don’t get done…
Like an earthly boss, you mean?
Ooof. Ok, so at that I stop typing, stop listening, fidget with my fidget ring.Â
Is that the kind of boss you are?
No! I mean, no I sure hope not.
Why is that?
I hope I am compassionate. I hope I am understanding. I hope I understand that mistakes are just that, mistakes, and don’t warrant punishment. I hope I can set a good example in effort and attitude.Â
And you think I Am less than that?
No, of course not.
But isn’t that what you are really saying, when you assume I Am disappointed in you? When you think I Am going to judge you for simple, honest mistakes? When you work hard but can’t seem to finish what you start before it is time to start something else?
Now I abandon the ring and start spontaneously picking at my fingers, and then stop, take a breath, and type instead. Hanging my head. Good thing I can type without looking at the keyboard or the screen.
Look up. Look here. Look into My Eyes. Hold out your hands. You are looking down. I said, look Up. I want you to remember your kitty, Gandalf, what you used to say to him. I want you to hear Me say that to you, right now. I love you. I love your ears. I love your eyes. I love your nose. I love your voice. I love your hands and your feet. I love everything about you… What would Gandalf do, when you told him that?
He would purr. Every time! Purr like a kitten! I would kiss each thing, his ears, his nose, his paws, and he would purr and purr and purr. It was as if he knew exactly what I was saying!
He certainly knew what your heart was saying. Hear My Heart. Hear what My Heart is always saying. I Am usually telling you what and who I Am. Hear now what I Am Not. I Am Not Disappointed. I Am Not Ashamed of you. I Am Not Disgusted. All the things you say of yourself to yourself, and then imagine I might be saying those things too, all those things are a lie. My Timeless Word to you is YES. Yes, I Am Delighted in you. Yes, I Am your Source of Strength and Peace. Yes, I Love you. And yes, I Am your Healer, in all ways. Sometimes you need physical healing. Sometimes you need emotional healing, and sometimes your thoughts need healing, and sometimes your spirit needs healing. Sometimes that healing comes as discernment, like a dietary modification. Sometimes it comes through a physician’s skillful diagnosis. And sometimes it comes through the wisdom of others. If I were standing before you now, and you could see Me with your physical eyes, and hear Me with your physical ears and touch Me with your two hands, what would you offer Me for healing?
Gosh, a number of things race through my mind, and they are not all me. I mean, not all my needs. But You are asking me to ask for myself, aren’t You?
Yes, I Am. This time, I Am. This isn’t about intercession. This is about intention. What would you intend I do…for you?
I think of three things. Like three wishes, ha! One is physical, one is mental, one is emotional. I don’t know which one to pick.
Why don’t you tell Me all three of them?
Ok. Well, physically, I would ask that whatever is causing my legs to cramp at night be healed. I go to bed every night in the fear that they might seize up, and I am doing everything I can think of to prevent that. It did not used to happen, ever. Now I am in constant awareness of how my legs feel day and night, and am always wary when it comes to bedtime. Maybe that is one reason I am staying up later and later. I dread trying to lie down. Then mentally, I seem less organized than ever, and I am trying to juggle a lot of information and need-to-do’s, and inevitably I am coming up short. So I need a better system, obviously. Then emotionally, and this might be related to the other two, I still struggle with anxiety. I seem pretty high-strung in my own thoughts or emotions. On edge, a lot of the time, still. And I feel like I am calm in phases, or stages, but I would like to live in that calm center even more than I do now, which is sporadically. I know better, and I want to choose better. And that relates directly to my fingers, frankly.
So you would come to Me with those three needs?
Yes. Yes, I would.
Then why don’t you? Why are you reluctant to really ask My Help in those areas? You start to ask, then draw back. Or you ask one day and then the next day, you talk yourself out of believing I would help you. Why do you do that? You do that because you forget My Timeless Yes to you. You think Yes was for Yes-terday, Yes-teryear. Yes is for Always. Yes is for Today. And Yes is for Tomorrow, even the tomorrows you dread. If you let Me hold your hand, your precious hands, really feel the reality of I Am Here With You, I promise you, you would never pick your fingers again, never tear at yourself again, never tear yourself down again. Let Me build you up, not in arrogance, but in confidence. Hear Me say, again and again, I love everything about you…