God, I’m tired. I say that a lot, I know. I can’t seem to get past that. I think I need to find better ways to relax. More relaxing ways. Or better ways to get more done when I am in the doing, so I don’t finish days with more tasks than I had when I started. So I am sitting here typing, and pausing, and putting my head in my hands, and taking a deep breath, and then typing another sentence. I don’t want to let You down. I don’t want to let them down either, all the them in my life, Lord. And I am not a mom of a newborn, or caring for ailing parents, though I have lived both of those. So what in the world is my problem?
If you went to the doctor, and she diagnosed a condition, and gave you medication, and you began to take it and to feel better, and then you abandoned the medication, quit the regimen of diet or exercise or routine she prescribed, why would you be surprised if you relapsed into your prior condition?
Are You saying that is what I have done? What I am doing?
Look at you. Look at your routine. You know what works best in your life. What have you abandoned, that you know works?
Well, Morning Pages. I wouldn’t say abandoned, but I do seem to have drifted into a new habit of trying to cram one more task into the morning, and then dash out the door late, or nearly so. And Morning Pages work. They center me, they connect me with You in a deliberate set-aside time. I am always talking to You throughout the day, but there is something about my journaling time in the morning that sets my inner compass, I like to say. And for the past couple of weeks, for decent reasons maybe, I haven’t gotten to the page every day. I have skipped a number of days actually. So there’s that.
What else?
I started writing out my gratitudes again at bedtime. And again, every time I pick up that notebook I am chagrined and kind of amazed to see a couple days have passed when I didn’t write them down. I don’t even know how that happens; it is–was–part of my bedtime routine.
But you are staying up later and later, and then trying to rush to bed. Not very relaxing a practice.
No. And for a while, all we watched when we did watch TV was happy-ending shows. Especially over the holidays and into the New Year. But now, I would say more than half the TV shows are, not violent, the ones I watch anyway, but troubling. The stories are more true to life maybe, but I think I am carrying the burden of those stories into my sleep time.
You think?
I know. I seem sensitive that way. So if we watch shows about family conflict, or shows where folks are always dying, like the medical shows, gosh, God, I am more tired than when I sat down!
Here is what you must ask yourself: does this refresh my spirit? When you truly rest, you are refreshed. Your body’s fatigue is actually mirroring a soul fatigue, a spirit fatigue.
Lord, I can see that! That makes sense to me. So I keep thinking I need to rest my body more…
When what you really need is to make sure you are resting and refreshing your spirit and your soul. Why don’t you spend the next few minutes, before bedtime, trying to do that? What would rest your spirit, your soul, right now?
Honestly, I think music would. I think beautiful imagery would.
Why don’t you find some music on the computer, play that in the background, and look at some scenic photos or videos? That will do you more good than you can imagine. Then take those few minutes right before sleep to jot down some gratitudes. If you wake more rested, you will be able to rise at your normal time and have the time you need to journal as well as to get ready for your workday. Focus these next days on resting your spirit, resting and refreshing your soul and watch what happens in your body and in your thinking, your mind.
Ok, Lord. I will.
Very timely for me. I have been saying the same thing..tired, not enough time, too much to do. Ouch toes stepped on but that was needed.
Thank you for sharing & God bless you!